Let's review some of my great moments (just to make myself feel better!). I made a Barbie cake for my oldest when she was four- all by myself- I even put a new Barbie in the cake. I used to have family costumes every year ... with a theme! I used to make Christmas cards (one year I even scrapbooked the damn thing)! I clipped coupons. I did NOT let my kids have electronics or GUNS. I used to read to my kids EVERY night! We used to eat dinner together- EVERY meal.
Okay- I feel better. See, I really did USED to be THAT mom! That amazing mom that I always wanted and strived to be. So you might ask, "What are you now?"
Let me just tell you what kind of mom I am now. Let's start with ... dividing and conquering ... never eating dinner together ... saying goodbye to real meals ... not caring if my children are playing with electronics ... purchasing LOTS of guns for my nerf-loving son ... buying birthday presents on the way to the party ... having so much laundry that there's no clean underwear ... running out of toilet paper (HOW in the HELL does THIS happen?!?!) ...
I could go on and on and on. But let me end with a true picture of what kind of mom I have become.
Tonight I got home three minutes before needing to leave with the oldest for swim practice. The two middles were with their dad on their way to wrestling. I walked in to see a spread of random left-overs, dirty dishes - crap everywhere. I grabbed myself some cheese and crackers and ensured that my oldest had eaten SOMETHING (I didn't really care what!). We were on our way out when the youngest threw a tantrum because a new show was on. Really?
It was at that moment that I realized no one bothered to make sure the five-year-old had made her own dinner. Who does that? Makes their kids make their own dinner; night after night. I figured we'd just drop the oldest off and head back home to feed the littlest cranky child. So in the car we went (I should add here that the littlest was cranky, but also shoe-less and coat-less).
When we arrived at swimming, I had to go in to check how over-due we were on our balance. In walked my coat-less and shoe-less #4! Then, instead of going home to feed her dinner, I took her out for drive-thru ice cream (it was delicious!). And, no, she hadn't even eaten dinner yet. We headed back to swimming to just hang-out. She was still coat-less and shoe-less! Oh, and her hair was to-die for!.
The best part was the dad (with his three littles) who obviously thought I was THAT mom. Not the mom that has it all together, not the mom I USED to be. But THAT mom ... the tired, haggered, not-giving-a-crap mom. I wanted to tell him the whole story- explain that I really wasn't a horrible mother; that I really did have my crap together.
Instead- I played and laughed and watched my hoodlem of a daughter sounding out words on all sorts of signs. What fun we had.
Oh, how time changes us. This time in our lives is crazy. It's busy. It's lonely. But, damn, it's GOOD!
While I used to be THAT mom that had it all together- I'm proud to say I'm now just THAT normal mom, doing the best job I can. Living. Loving. Trying. Failing. Trying again. Loving again. Living again!
Whatever road you are on- don't get caught up in what others are thinking of you. Be proud of who you are, who you have become and who you are continuing to BE!
Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.
Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!
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