#tuesdaytip: Try To See The Big Picture!

There is no doubt that if we view our days in minor details or small interactions, discomfort and frustration will occur.

It can't be able all the little pieces parts that drive us batty, but rather has to be about the big picture; the overall success of our lives.

Whether you are talking about your job, your family, raising children, being married, volunteering; there are sure to be failures. If you pick apart anything long enough, you will find flaws.

Think of it as building a house. If we knew what our framework looked like underneath, would we trust that our house would stand for 100 years? Surely there were nails missed or mismatched wood used- those minor details won't cause our house to crumble and fall. 

It's the finished product. It's our overall life or job or relationship that we must consider. Is there more good than bad? Are there more positive things than negative?

Each and every day must be an adventure. The nuances that come up in our day, must be treated as surprises. Those surprises are sure to shock and sometimes scare us, but they can't get in the way of just enjoying the adventure laid out before us.

You know how they say you have to be careful when you give a survey? You have to do it around a time that people don't feel stressed or pressured or when some major catashrophe has NOT just happened. This is true because we are all human; we will all let our emotions get the best of us. And all we will think about when we take that survey is the last thing that just happened. More than likely, we will forget to view the big picture.

Why can one negative comment ruin a hundred positive ones? Why can one poor interaction spoil our thoughts about a person or an organization? If we want people to remember that we are human and full of error, then we must remember that about others as well!

This week I will strive to remember that my life is more good than bad. I will aim to see the good in those around me. I will seek out the big picture rather than dwelling on a few negative pieces parts.

If we all work to use this week as an opportunity for small surprises within one big adventure, I guarantee our week's will be full of more greatness and less imperfection. I promise that we will have more joy than hatred. And, our big pictures will look brighter than ever!

 #tip: Each day is an adventure w/ many surprises. 

Some wonderful & some dreadful. 

Seek the big picture #findthejoy & let go of all the rest!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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#marriagemonday: You Know You're Married With Kids When ...

You go to not one grocery store on your date night- but TWO!

Yep, my hubby and I got out for a date night without children and we ventured to two different grocery stores. Now, prior to store shopping, we headed to dinner. A dinner that we could eat slowly and talk about life. It was extremely enjoyable.

Yet, the most enjoyable time we had was grocery shopping. I HATE grocery shopping, but it didn't seem all that bad sans kids and hanging out with my hubby.

He only farted in two different isles (and he even waited until no one else was around)! He only hummed a tune three different times and grabbed my butt once. We made it out of the store without a TV! And I was only slightly embarrassed on three different occassions.

I tell you all this because marriage can't be about the events. It's got to be about the time together. It shouldn't matter what we are doing with our spouse, as long as we are doing it as a team; united.

The first store that we were at, there was a toddler screaming for her mom at the top of her lungs. The mom kindly stated, "You don't have to scream, I can hear you just fine."

I turned around and said, "No worries, we've got four at home and that's nothing!"

She looked at the two of us and got the most jealous look on her face. "Are you two on a date night? I would die for a date night, even if it was just to the grocery store. You are SO lucky!"

Boy were we lucky and it was so nice to be reminded of the amazing time we were able to spend together- even at the store.

The evening ended with two large bowls of Orange Leaf yogurt. There were three different very young love bird couples in the store at the time. My hubby leaned in and chuckled, "We fit right in with all these youngsters!" Ha. More like stuck out like a sore thumb.

As we walked out the door, I noticed one couple was holding hands while they were eating ice cream. One eating with his left and one eating with her right hand. We laughed that after all this time, ice cream is WAY too important to waste time holding hands while eating it!

Happy #marriagemonday to you! Our date night can be a good reminder that it's not the quantity of time spent together or the way you spend your time- it's the quality and the effort put into the moments you get to share. It's being grateful for small wins in life; for tiny moments etched in time just being together.

Take a moment to enjoy your spouse today. No matter what it is you are doing- try your hardest to live in that moment and basque in the glory of being your complete awful self and having your spouse love you anyway!

Grocery store date night= fun in every isle! 

It's not what you are doing, but who you are doing it with!

 #marriagemonday #enjoysmallmoments

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#fridayfolly: Making Changes ...

2014 is in full swing. Resolutions have come and gone. Some changes have been made. Some changes are still in the works.

As we begin our new year, it's okay if we've already screwed up. It's okay if our 'changed' and 'better' self isn't what we thought it would be. It's okay to miss what you've always known.

The thing that we often forget, is that when we stop doing a negative habit or try to add in a positive habit, we create a title wave of changes in our life. We start a domino effect that can't be put back together in a single swoop.

Change is hard. No matter what change you are dealing with. It's like any other loss in life and it will cause you to grieve. The grief will look different for every person involved and every person out there will handle their loss in their own way.

It will make you feel inadequate to think that a small change in your life can create such a ridiculous feeling inside you- but, it's normal.

It's normal to want to go back to the way it used to be. It's normal to feel lost in your new routine or habit. It's normal to wonder why you're so sensitive and not yourself.

Last week I blogged about my thousand resolutions. I mentioned that along with the things I was going to perfect in my life, I was also going to head back to work full time. Why? You might wonder why I thought that taking on so much so early in the year would be a good idea; would even be possible.

But, I'm probably not alone in thinking that a small change 'won't be that big of a deal' or 'shouldn't be all that difficult'. Pretty soon, though, all those little changes turn into one big cluster of balls that your trying to juggle (and they all seem to be going in different directions).

My #fridayfolly comes from the fact that I've realized the error in my ways (yes, I know, you'd think I'd run out of screw-ups to write about week after week ... what fun would that be?)!

As we all work through the challenges this year has already brought, please know that you are not alone in your struggles. There are people all over the world grieving the loss of what their life 'used' to be. There are millions wishing that they could handle the change better than they are.

So many people are even wanting to go back and decide that their lives weren't that bad before. Certainly the grass was greener when they were on the other side of the fence peeking over. Now that they are standing in the new lawn, it appears it wasn't as perfect or weed-less as it looked from afar.

Wherever you are at in this new year, just remember to do the best darn job you can. Believe in yourself and your capabilities. Don't give up on a change that is important to you. But, also, don't make the change the basis of whether you are a success or not.

Take it all in stride. Take it one day at a time. Use your support system. Lean on those important people in your life. Recognize your strengths and talents. Believe in yourself! You can do (and I can too)!

P.S. My resolution to create crock-pot ready meals was a disaster this week. I mean, I actually precooked 3-4 of our meals thus far ... it's just that the outcome wasn't quite as it should have been. Peanut butter and jelly was eaten by the children tonight- so much for the darn shredded chicken tacos cooking all day. Not only did we waste our worlds' energy, but think of the money our family could have saved if we'd just all ate PB & J!

Change creates a sense of loss- a wanting for what used to be. 

It's okay to grieve the old you.

#goeasyonyourself#changeishard#justbelieve

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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#tuesdaytip: Stop Wishing, Start Doing

My husbands famous words about wishing ...

"Why don't you wish in one hand and shit in the other- see which one fills up faster!"

There's your laugh-out-loud-moment for the day!

Even though it's a little much and quite disgusting, the analogy is a great one. It puts it all into perspective.

What are you wishing for these days?

A cleaner house?
Better behaved children?
A new job?
Losing weight?
Working out?
Better communication with your spouse?

Whatever it is you are wishing for, it can come true. But, you must first check-in on your life and where your wish fits in. You have to make a plan and then, unfortunately, you have to make some changes.

I, for one, am not a big fan of changes. Changes require adjustments in schedules. Changes require flexibility. Changes are darn hard.

Two nights ago I found myself wishing that my two-year-old would stop coming in our room in the middle of the night and sleeping in our bed.

As I wished for this, I thought back to a few weeks prior. She had come in. I took her back to her bed and slept with her for a short while to get her back to sleep. On her second venture into our room, I caved. I pulled her into our bed and just wanted to sleep (I didn't care if her knee was in my back the rest of the night).

When I woke up wet at 4:45 am, I thought it was odd that I was sweating so badly when night sweats aren't an issue for me. Turns out it wasn't sweat.

Yep. That's right. The two-year-old peed the bed. OUR BED. I don't think I've seen my husband jump so high or so fast in all our years of marriage. We were all soaked.

Back to my wish. You'd think that dreaded 'pee' morning would have been the last time I let her in our bed. Sadly it was not. There has been no more pee, but there have been a lot of nights we've had three people in a bed just big enough for two (we never got the King we hoped for long ago)!

If I want my wish to come true, I have to make some changes. I have to be ready for two to three nights of fighting the urge to just pull her into our bed. There will be tears and fighting and possibly waking up other children. There will also be very little sleep!

So, there you have it. A simple example of wishing. An analogy similar to 'shit', only ours was just 'pee'!

Wishes- don't give them up, just be willing to do what is necessary to make them happen.

This Tuesday, I hope your dreams come true. I hope you find the courage to make the changes necessary to achieve greatness; to reach for the stars! The next time you walk by a wishing well or pond, save your penny! Put your wish to good use by doing the work.

If you wish in one hand & shit in the other, which one fills up faster? 

This Tuesday- #stopwishing #startdoing #putfortheffort #makeachange

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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#marriagemonday: Back To The Basics

Good, bad or indifferent- it's important to take time occasionally to get back to the basics (even in your marriage ... even after lots of years).

Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen any time of year, but it's maybe easier to understand at the beginning of a year when resolutions are in full swing.

Fears, failures, wishes, dreams, hopes, worries ... do you share all of these with your spouse? Do you have a resolution you are working on solo?

There are times we forget that our spouse CANNOT read our mind. Boy, wouldn't that make life easier?

If we take this #marriagemonday to get back to the basics with our spouse, hopefully we can avoid future 'discussions'!

What area needs basic attention in your marriage? Is it communicating the schedule? Sharing your emotions? Greeting one another with a smile and a kiss?

First evaluate ... then communicate!

Yesterday, I have to admit that we failed miserably.

It was my sons first wrestling tournament. My hubby took him early and I was to meet him with the other three kids. I was already irritated because one of my angels was taking forever to get ready and I just knew we were going to be late.

I called to check in on the way. He was just minutes away from wrestling and we were minutes away from the tournament.

We got there. Paid. Rushed in.

The gym was packed. I was carrying one, pushing one and pulling one ... trying to get through to the far side of the gym. The bleachers were packed. I spotted a place up high that we could unload.

I didn't see my hubby. He thought my daughter had pointed him out. I assumed he wasn't looking for us or saving us a spot. He assumed we didn't want to sit in the seats he had saved.

Long story short ... we didn't sit together. The kids were back and forth, up and down between the two of us. There were some hurt feelings and a very sad two and five-year-old. There were hours of the silent treatment.

All to find out - we each were assumming the wrong thing about the other.

Get back to the basics. Don't waste precious hours (like we did) over simple miscommunication.

Take time this #marriagemonday to chat with your spouse about where you are at in your New Year. Talk about your hopes and dreams. Share your worries and concerns. Take time for the two of you! And, communicate, communicate, communicate (even the little things make a big difference!)

#marriagemonday: take time to get back to the basics. 

Don't forget-spouses CANNOT read minds.

 #taketimetotalk #saywhatyoufeel #noassumptions

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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To Work or Not to Work ... The Mom Dilema Has NO Right Answer

A year and a half ago I began a leave of absence from my job. I knew I would have one year to DO IT RIGHT; to fix all the things I screwed up by being a working mom previously.

Now, as I prepare to hit the full-time road again, it's time to reflect on what I've learned from being a part-time working mom, a full-time working mom and a stay-at-home mom.

One things for sure ...I was NOT the PERFECT mom in any of these situations! Matter of fact, it turns out it's not about how much someone works or doesn't work- it's about appreciating the blessings in your life no matter the situation you are in (this is much easier said than done for we always assume the grass is greener on the other side).

 When I was working, I assumed that if I stayed at home ...

there would be more time to 'keep up' on daily living and cleaning.
life would be easier.
I would get more done.
I would cook every night.
I would enjoy my children more.
I would feel more connected to my kids' school.
I would be more organized.
I would work out more.
I would have more time to clip coupons. 
I wouldn't feel guilty all the time.
I wouldn't get as frustrated with my kids. 

Okay, you stay-at-home moms- go ahead and laugh.

The truth of the matter is, if you truly embrace the idea of being home with your children, you have to let go of the 'get-er-done' attitude. You have to slow down. You have to sit down. You have to relax enough to see the joy that can come from just being with your children (even though they will drive you insane some days).

When I stayed at home I realized that other things fill your time besides working. These 'things' add up to just as much as a full-time job. From volunteering to helping out other moms to getting involved in community events. Even without those 'things', being with your kids full-time takes your full attention and leaves you with no lunch break to escape. It's certainly not easier than working, it's just working in a different way.


As a stay-at-home mom, I realized ...

showers are overrated.
changing from pajama pants into yoga pants IS getting dressed.
getting ready gets in the way of getting down on the floor and playing.
dishes will get done- even if they sit for a day.
schedules can't run your life- your life has to run the schedule.
a clean house doesn't mean you had a productive day.
you don't have to leave the house to have an adventure.
even though they don't know how to say it, kids do appreciate you being home with them!

My year at home and my half year of working two days a week went by in a blink of an eye. As I look back, I remember some days being overwhelmingly long. Yet, the year was so short.

I know that I had more good times than bad with my kiddos when I was home. It wasn't perfect; it had it's moments. But, overall, I'm left with joy when I look back. I have no regrets. I learned so much about myself and about my kids.

All that being said, it's important for me to admit that I missed my job when I wasn't working. I'm good at my job. I like my job. It's okay if I want to work. It's okay that our lifestyle requires two incomes.

While working, though, the things I will miss most are ...

not having to rush, rush, rush.
walking my kids to school on beautiful mornings.
seeing my kids walk out of the school door and searching for me in my regular spot.
morning and after-nap cuddles.
adventures to the park, forest, zoo and friends houses.

afternoon snack with the kids.
staying up late.
letting my kids sleep in a little.
wearing my black yoga pants!
spending alone time with my #4 (boy am I going to miss her ... I tear up every time I think about it).

I know I can do it. I'm capable of balancing work and raising children. I will suck it up and get things done even when I wish I could leave it for tomorrow.

If money weren't an issue, I sometimes wonder- what would I choose? I get great purpose from my job. I know I am a community helper; I make a difference in many families lives. I help make people better. I am a fulfilled person while I am at work.

Why, then, do I still feel so guilty?

Before I stayed home, I told my husband how excited I was to do things like clean the blinds, organize the closets, get caught up on all my scrapbooks, etc. About a month into my 'home' adventure, I was in tears. These things were NOT getting done. My husband very sincerely stated, "We didn't have you stay at home so the house could be clean! Spending time with the kids is what you are supposed to be doing."

The funny thing is that we have spent the last two weeks over the holiday painting, cleaning and organizing our house. Everything I strove to get done, is now done. The blinds actually got cleaned. Funny, it feels good, but I'm damn glad I didn't waste time during my year and a half off.

I fully embraced the idea of being home. I did the best darn job I could. My kids still watched too much TV. I only did one real craft with them the whole year. I didn't read to them any more than when I was working. I still got frustrated and lost my temper. I still had guilt and wanted more out of my situation. But, man, I really did my very best.

There is no perfect way to raise your children. Staying at home, working part-time, working full-time ... you have to do what works for you and your family. There are amazing woman doing all three of these things. There are wonderful children being raised by all those amazing woman.

Wherever you are at in your 'mom' journey- I wish you all the best. I hope you are more at peace knowing that there is no right way to do it. You get as much out of the situation you are in as you put into it. Keep plugging away. Keep your head up. Keep believing that 'it's okay' to just do the best darn job you can (whatever that job may be!).

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#fridayfolly: "Mom, that's what you said you were going to do last year!"

We sat around our dinner table at lunch on New Year's Day and shared our resolutions for 2014!

My #3 made a disgusted face to start the conversation! In her most irritated tone possible, "What's a resolution anyway?"

My #1 got very serious. "It's something you want to try to do better the next year. I want to stay fit during the spring and summer since basketball will be over."

I know. I know. Pathetic. It's a first born thing- always on the ball and knows exactly what she wants out of life.

We continued to go around and chime in here and there about things we would like to improve. I started my list by saying, "I'd like to get up early every morning and do 20-30 minutes of my workout video!"

Our #2 looked very doubtful. "Every morning?"

I stayed optimistic and stated, "Yes, I think I can do that."

Something then happened with #3 (I don't even recall what irritated me that time) and I almost lost my temper. But, instead, I took a deep breath and said very calmly, "I'm also not going to yell this year."

#1 called me out without missing a beat! "Mom, that's what you said you were going to do last year!"

"Well, it's a new year and I am going to try." I couldn't believe she called me out.

Try I will. But, I guarantee some days I will fail. And, it will be okay.

However, the thing that is not okay, is setting myself up for failure. It's not realistic for me NEVER to lose my temper. Surely, I can do better, but one should never say never. One should know his/her own limitations.

I mean, let me just give you my full list of resolutions and remember ... do as I say, not as I do! DO NOT MAKE TOO MANY RESOLUTIONS! I did, and I'm already struggling to keep up. Heck, I can't even remember them all!

1. Keep our house looking as it does today (seriously, we just painted the entire house and put it back together. It will last for maybe a week ... tops!).

2. Get up every morning and do 20-30 minutes of exercise (why on earth would I say every day? Let's shoot for four days a week and see how that goes!).

3. Never yell again (we've already covered how ridiculous this one is!).

4. Prepare 2-3 crock-pot meals a week ahead of time so I can just pop them in in the morning (I'm going back to work full-time ... let's get real for a moment ... this will last for maybe a week, if even ... I've never been one to prepare ahead of time!).

5. Do a load of laundry every night and put it away (good intentions are just that. If I would just do a load a night then I'd never be overwhelmed with 3-7 at a time ... it's a shame that I just rewashed a load that was in there for more than a day- ugh, failure already!).

6. Go to be earlier
7. Eat healthier
8. Read more
9. Spend more time reading and talking with my kids at night

10 ... 11 ... 12 ... 13 ... 14 ... 15 ...

Do you see my folly? Do you understand why I need to believe my philosophy that 'it's okay'? I'm obviously NOT going to be able to keep my resolutions. I'm going to mess up. I'm going to fail.

I think I'm going to revise my list!

Here's to your first Friday after the New Year. I hope you haven't messed up your resolution already. If you have, just remember, 'it's okay'! And, you're not the only one.

My advice to myself and to you if needed: Start Small! Pick one thing and gradually add that one thing into your life until it becomes ingrained into what you are already doing. It can take up to 21 days to build/change a habit. And even then, you may relapse.

Start small. Stay strong. Praise yourself for small feats. Don't beat yourself up for minor setbacks.

Happy New Year! A fresh start. A grand opportunity. A chance to be the best you possible- remember, though, you're already amazing just the way you are!

 The new year has begun.

 Resolutions have been made & some already broken. 

Change is hard! 

#don'tbeatyourselfup #startsmall #onethingatatime

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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