#marriagemonday: Name Calling! Really!?

I don't know that my Valentine's Day was ever diamonds ... or roses for that matter. But, we definitely used to be more romantic (or at least thoughtful) when the day of love was upon us!

We're not really drowning, just maybe constantly treading water at this time in our lives. Some days one of us has to throw out a life preserver to give the other one a short break, but then it's back to scissor kicking and crazy arm movements.

Everyone's 'busy' looks different. We really don't have anything to complain about. The family is healthy. The kids are happy. Life is good.

BUT! There is always a 'but'! But, last week I failed to remember the good and just got tired. I know it's okay to be tired. I just maybe mentioned it a few too many times to a few too many people. I recognize that I was a little bit of a Negative Nelly and my other half must have heard too much.

Friday night, the said Valentine's Day, we were content to bake a pizza at home and watch a RedBox movie. About 7:00 pm, I was about ready to call it a day!

I think my husband was trying to be supportive (in a weird sort of way). He said something about my 'woe is me' attitude and my 'tiredness'. At 7:30 he told me I should just go to bed.

I didn't want to go to bed. I just wanted to be mopey and tired. I tried explaining my tiredness and only beat the dead-horse beyond recognition.

The banter turned bad. I may have called my husband a bleeping bleep and then not talked to him until I stormed up to bed later. I ended the night on a very impressive, "Happy bleeping Valentine's Day!"

Yep. I know I am mature. It was pathetic enough that I can't even type the words. You'll all be happy to know none of this was said or done around the children (at least I have some moral fortitude)!

Saturday morning, my tiredness had subsided. My loving husband came down laughing. "So, am I still a bleeping bleep?"

That was all I needed for my day of love! A kind hug, a quick kiss and a darn good laugh.

Marriage certainly isn't all diamonds and roses and romance. Marriage isn't always hugs and kisses and laughter. Marriage isn't meant to perfect.

"A marriage is the union of two good forgivers." -Robert Quillen

"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It's when an 'imperfect' couple learns to enjoy their differences." -David Meurer

The official 'day of love' has come and gone. Certainly our marriages cannot be based on ONE day a year. Remember that love is shown in small acts of kindness; little moments are what make memories. Take time today to love your spouse- in whatever tiny way you are able. Life will continue to move at a relentless speed, but your marriage will stay strong by short pauses that only you can create!

The official 'day of love' has passed. 

We must not forget that everyday should be a day to show appreciation to our spouse. 

#taketimetolove

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#fridayfolly: Expect Things Won't Stay The Same

Here are some things I know are constant ...

1. My house will never look exactly the way I want it to look.

2. I won't get any skinnier eating the way I do!

3. A few good nights of rest are sure to be followed with a night of children up at all hours.

4. I will NEVER like grocery shopping.

5. There will ALWAYS be more to do than there is time or energy for.

6. Genuine appreciation comes after the moment has passed (I keep trying to be grateful as it's occurring ... but, I keep forgetting).

7. Beers always taste better with greasy foods and good friends.

8. Screwing up ... I won't ever be perfect (despite how hard I try)!

9. My family loves me despite my craziness and flawed living.

10. Change will always rock my world (no matter how small).

"The only constant in life is change." -Heraclitus


Heraclitus was a Greek philosopher alive around 500 B.C. One of the doctrines he is best known for claimed that things are constantly changing (universal flux).

I'm not much of a historian, nor do I know much about science. Heck, it's safe to say that the only thing I DO know is people. Aside from that, my memory doesn't serve me too well.

Sorry to digress about my own lack of knowledge ... my point is ... even though I'm not too smart in those areas, I'm smart enough to figure out that this man knew a heck of a lot for his time. And his quote applies to so much more than just the constant move of our universe.

Minutes. Hours. Days. Months. Seasons. Years. Age. Technology. Flavors. Colors. Cereal.

Everything changes. I can't even be sure when I go to Orange Leaf that my favorite Cookies 'N Cream flavor is going to be available.

Some fads last longer than others. Answers to math equations will never change- but who in the heck can figure out the new ways kids are supposed to solve them these days?

Change can be amazing; something good usually comes from it. Why then is going through it so difficult?

Adaptable. Flexible. Spontaneous. Go-with-the-flow. Compliant. Easygoing. Open.

Did I used to be these things? Or when you're younger are you just unaware of the difficulties that come along with the blessing of change?

All changes, no matter how small, require adjustment and work. Growth will eventually come, but not without sacrifices and some sort of loss.

Death. Medical conditions. Sick family members. Loss of income. Schedule changes. Seasonal struggles. Broken habits.

Whatever changes you are going through, chances are it's not easy. Know you are not alone. The discomfort, anxiety, worry, grief or sadness accompanying your loss is normal. Take as much time as you need. Hopefully someday you can look back and find a silver lining. Maybe one day you'll be able to pick out the good that came.

Until that day, know that it's okay if you're not 100%. It's okay if you need to indulge in some comfort food. It's okay to lean on friends and family. It's okay to admit that your change is changing you into someone you don't recognize.

This Friday, try with all your might to appreciate the changes happening in your midst. And then, after you appreciate the tiniest thing ... feel free to get real about how crappy (and downright awful) it really is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change! It's.The.Only.Constant. 

Even tho we know this-#itshard #itsmessy #itsuncomfortable 

We hope to one day look back on a silver-lining!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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#tuesdaytip: Surround Yourself With Good

I can't decide if I agree with this quote 100% or not. I firmly believe that we need to surround ourselves by people who lift us up (and not tear us down), but I don't think all negative people are lost souls.

After all, we all deserve a second chance.

While we cannot save the world- the only person we can change is ourselves- we can certainly foster those around us.

When we lift people up and focus on strengths, surely we can bring out their best.

However, there are some people, no matter what we do, who don't bring out OUR best. It's critical to recognize that and avoid interactions when possible. If someone is tearing you down more than building you up, it's okay to walk away. You can still be respectful while not engaging in their negative behavior.

BUT, how hard is that to figure out? How do we know if our interactions can make someone better or leave us feeling less fulfilled and drained?

The Energy Bus, (www.theenergybus.com) by Jon Gordon is a book I've been referring to the last few Tuesdays. This amazing author has covered how we are the driver of our own bus; how we move our bus in the right direction by having desire, vision and focus; how we can only fuel our bus with positive energy; and how we should invite others to join us on our bus.

And now ... what to do with people who don't WANT to get on our bus? Or how about those who try to crash our bus or steer it in the wrong direction?

Rules #5 & 6: Don't Waste Your Energy on Those Who Don't Get on Your Bus and Post a Sign That Says NO ENERGY VAMPIRES ALLOWED on Your Bus.

Energy vampires? LOVE IT! That is totally what some people do to us; drain our positive energy. We must remember that we only have control of numero uno- ourselves. We can choose to stay away from those who make us feel little and less than the wonderful people we are.

We must still try to invite everyone on our bus. We must fight to let love conquer all. BUT, we must also be realistic about our own capabilities. We can't change the world.

Keep fighting. Keep trying. Keep searching. Keep giving others the benefit of the doubt. Keep being the very best you can be. Don't let others get you down! Stay strong.

Happy Tuesday. I hope it's terrific. In the midst of this long, cold winter ... remember that spring is on its way. We can create sunny, warm days in this dark, dreary time by focusing on what's right in the world and surrounding ourselves by the darn good people that are around every corner we turn!

Surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you better. 

Spend less time with those who drain your energy. 

#youcanonlycontrolyou

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#marriagemonday: Years Make the Heart Grow Fonder ... Or More Irritated!

Sunday evening I approached my husband and kindly said, "Honey, I'm sorry I was crabby today."

He replied sweetly, "It's okay, I was crabby too."

I went on to say I was glad I wasn't the only one. He laughed and said, "Geez, I was just saying that to make you feel better. I thought I was in good spirits all day today!"

The little quote on the picture couldn't sum up our marriage better. "My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

My hubby must be a saint to put up with me. He's not perfect by any means, but women are screwed up! Now, ladies, I'm totally stereo-typing right now ... over-analyzing, guilt-ridden, hormone-driven, emotionally-inconsistent beings. Does that sum us up? Or is that just me?

Saying it's been a long week is an understatement. From activities to volunteering to life tasks to job uncertainties. I look back and think that maybe it was okay that I was crabby on Sunday. However, in the scheme of things, it's unfortunate that I got caught up in it all rather than just appreciating where we are at in our life.

Sunday morning our family skipped church so I could have a long over-due coffee with some girlfriends. It was wonderful, reassuring and certainly needed. Among the zillion things we discuss was a conversation about the 'Sacred Sunday'.

Sunday used to be known as a day of rest. It was meant to be a church-going and family-filled day. This is not the case anymore. I unfortunately got caught up in my Sunday madness and started down the road of complaining (this road leads NO WHERE but to a dead end!).

I was sharing my disgust over Sunday craziness with a family friend who came to watch our son wrestle. He put me back in my place- just as I needed! His comment reminded me what is really important. "What's better than coming here as a family to cheer on one of your own? You couldn't do this at home ... supporting and enjoying one another like you can here."

I was certainly NOT supporting and enjoying my family. It was more like they were maddening and irritating me. The funny thing is ... I was only annoyed because I was LETTING myself get caught up in the junk and not appreciating the time that we COULD have had together.

Marriage and family can't be the perfect sit-down Sunday dinner. Life is busy and messy and all about doing things for the good of the cause. We must just appreciate the time we have- wherever that time may be.

This #marriagemonday and for the rest of this week, do your best to control your emotions. Try to keep your irritation in check. The only person that we can control is ourselves. No one MAKES us angry, we allow ourselves to be angered by certain situations. What's the quote? 'Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.'

Take more time saying loving things to your spouse rather than critical things. Appreciate your better half for the better half of his/her qualities. Apologize for irrational behavior rather than blaming the other one's flaws.

Keep at it! Marriage is one ginormous roller coaster with ups and downs and twists and turns- each making the ride more exciting, adventuresome and overall amazing.

Irritation only exists if we let it. 

Take life in stride; enjoying what time you have together. 

#smallmomentsdocount #reactionsareeverything

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#fridayfolly: Too Many To Count!

Where do I start?

I suppose I could start with the day I THOUGHT we would have a snow day. The night before the non-snow day, I opted NOT to bathe my children (let's not talk about the fact they were already a few days overdue).

Or maybe I could go with the night my husband brought home a left-over pizza from a work luncheon. I opened the box, set it on the table and called, "Come and eat!" My #3 was curious about what else we were having for dinner. My response was unsympathetic, "This is it. Enjoy it while you can before it's all gone!"

I could look at my horrendous eating habits this last week or the fact that I let my kids drive me batty. Maybe I should focus on the million and twelve things that I signed up to do this year- not remembering that a little over a year ago, I quit my job because I was swimming with life tasks.

... the broken car ... the annoying dog ... the undone house ... the last-minute homework ... the crabbiness ...

Okay. It's obvious that this week was NOT as glorified at last week. Yet, still knowing this, I was reminded Wednesday afternoon why NONE of these things matter.

Our snow day came (a day later than I had hoped) and all my kids wanted to do was go swimming. Yes, swimming. On one of our coldest days of the year, I loaded up the four children and headed to the YMCA to go swimming.

It was actually the best hour and a half of our day. They had fun and I had a few moments of reflection.

A mom came in with two girls who both had special needs. Each of them had a working dog aiding them. I watched this mom and couldn't stop glancing at her calm and amazing nature.

She was so gentle. She was so consistent. She was so grateful.

I complain about my four kids fighting and aggravating me, but in that moment, I realized I should be thankful they interact and fight with one another. That means that they can. I should be grateful that they can aggravate me. That means they have the means to figure out how to push my buttons.

I don't have a million doctor appointments. I don't have to care for two additional animals to aid my children. Heck, I complain about my one dog when I should appreciate the fact that I get loved every time he sees me.

If I could go back to Wednesday afternoon, I would take the opportunity to say to this special mom, "You are amazing. I'm staring at you not because your family is different, but because I wish I could be more like you. I have no idea what your life is like raising these two beautiful girls, but you're doing a damn good job. You should be proud of yourself, your girls, your dogs and the wonderful job you are doing as their mom!"

I would also take the time to apologize that I've taken for granted some of the given blessings in my life (once again, it shouldn't take an event for me to recognize the gifts I am surrounded by).

This Friday and for as many days as you can muster- forget about your mistakes. Life DOES NOT come with instructions. Life is NOT easy. It's okay if you've beat yourself up for mistakes that you've made ... but, for today, you need to stop. Forget about your issues and your mishaps, just enjoy the heck out of the life you are currently blessed with.

I joke that my kids were born in a barn. I pick at them constantly about the few mistakes that they are making. I vow (for at least the next day) to STOP. Instead of being frustrated with our family dinners, I will be grateful that we take the opportunity to sit down and eat together. There are millions out there who are wishing they could have a family dinner nite and we get it regularly. Shame on me for forgetting how darn lucky I am!

Good luck counting your blessings. And, if you get a chance to tell someone they are wonderful, don't miss your chance like I did. Seize the moment and let others know what an amazing job they are doing despite the struggles that lie before them!

It is DEFINITELY okay to make mistakes!

 #dontbeatyourselfup 

Life DOES NOT come with instructions.

 #justdothebestyoucan 

#focusonyourstrengths

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#tuesdaytip: Spread Goodness!

Well, I'm nearing the end of Tuesday, but still have an hour to spare ... not too late for a #tuesdaytip!

I've been sharing the last few weeks from The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon (www.theenergybus.com). I like to keep my kids posted on good things I read as well- this time I wasn't up to par!

"Mom, what's the next rule?" My son asked eagerly last Wednesday morning.

"Oh, honey, I was too tired to read last night. I'll keep you posted when I get around to reading Rule #4!"

Tonight was finally the night (it only took me six days- no judgment on sporadic readers like me)! And it's a great one.

Rule #4: Invite People on Your Bus and Share Your Vision for the Road Ahead

Sharing. A simple concept taught to us from the time we are wee little tikes. From toys to positivity- it's all the same idea.

From the previous rules in Jon Gordon's incredible read, we learn that we must have a vision for what we want, the desire to reach that destination, the belief that we can overcome adversity blocking our way and positivity to fuel our ride the entire time.

If we know what we want and strive to get it in a positive and caring way, we will naturally bring along followers (check out The Dancing Guy if you don't believe me!). Others will notice our incredible drive and our smiles lighting the way.

However, that's not enough. We need to be intentional about bringing others along for the positive ride. We need to be careful and conscientious about helping all those around us notice the good in the world; despite the many road blocks we will face.

Challenges happen daily. If we strive to be thankful, we cannot be angry and bitter in the same breath. Gratefulness will always win. Sharing goodness will take us down the road in the right direction.

In the book, George takes a 'thankful walk' where he talks to himself, out loud, recognizing the gifts surrounding him every step he takes. Last year I was working on my 1000 thanks journal. From time to time I remember that I was trying to fill it up. Here's my reminder to get it out yet again!

     460. The snow falling under street lights
     461. Sleeping children; snuggled warm in their beds (precious)
     462. Belly laughs ... I actually ran smack into a door today ... couldn't stop laughing at myself
     463. Hearing my kids share happy stories from their day
     464. Having a co-worker laugh about someone saying 'Do' two times (get it? doo-doo?)
     465. SNOW DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's amazing when you focus on the good how hard it is to be overcome by the negative. Now, I'm realistic and can also be a Negative-Nelly. Don't think I'm going 'Pollyanna' on you, I'm just asking you to try (and I'm reminding myself how powerful it can be to take my own advice!).

This week, take a few thankful walks. Be grateful that you are able to enjoy this earth. SHARE your goodness and vision with others. Lift people up and take them for a grateful ride! Happiness exists when we can relish in what we have ... good, bad and ugly ... it's all ours and we are darn lucky to have it!

 Know where you're going in life. 

Believe in your journey. 

Desire the very best out of YOU! 

Don't forget #shareyourgoodness #positivityspreads

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#marriagemonday: Quit 'Mean-Mugging' Me!

I couldn't believe there was such a thing as a 'mean' mug or coffee cup! I cracked up laughing when I Google searched my husband's famous words to me and all sorts of angry coffee cups popped up!

The #fridayfolly last week indicated that my week was wonderful and that I KNEW you-know-what would hit the fan this weekend because I avoided so many life tasks. The funny thing is, it really didn't have to. I didn't have to get worked up or let the crap hit the fan ... BUT, alas, I did yet again.

Isn't it funny how we work so hard all week to enjoy the weekend and then once the weekend is upon us, all we can think about doing is preparing again for the week ahead? Oh wait, is that just MY problem?

Huffing and mean-mug looks are kind of my M.O. with my husband. He always knows how I'm feeling without me saying a word. He sometimes cracks himself up making fun of my piss-poor attitude that is not really directed at him, but really is directed at him (do you know what I mean?).

As I was huffing around on Saturday morning and glaring at every object in the house (to avoid eye contact and try to keep my looks in check), he calmly asked, "Are you going to huff all weekend?"

At one point on Saturday afternoon he called my mom and made a point to tell her, "Your daughter hasn't done anything all day except glare at me."

Seriously? We've resorted to tattling?

In his defense, he was right. I was glaring and mean-mugging and huffing for really NO good reason at all. Can you guess what turned me around?

That darn husband of mine knows me all too well. He can make me laugh even when I am beyond irritated. He can turn my sour mood around even when I fail to want to change.

We ended our Saturday with a laugh and a good chat.

Isn't that what marriage is really all about? Good marriages aren't peachy-keen and smiles all the time. They aren't blissful and engaged at every moment. They certainly aren't perfect or without fights and disagreements.

Despite my many flaws, my husband has still decided to stick with me. There's not a one of us out there that can claim perfection- it's nice not to be held to that standard.

This #marriagemonday, I hope you can avoid mean-mugging your spouse. I hope that instead, you will force out a smile. If all else fails, try squeezing your spouse and making fart noises. That's sure to have you both rolling!

What's your M.O. w/ your spouse? 

I huff. I glare. I 'mean mug' the heck out of him! 

This #marriagemonday- #trysmilinginstead #myselfincluded

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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