Tuesday Tip: Take Time for You

It's so rare that we put #1 first ... but it's so very important.

Caring for of yourself in the midst of taking care of the life going on around you is easier said than done.

There isn't always time to do the things that make you the best you know you can be.

It's hard. There's never enough time.

BUT ... Do it anyway!

If you are not taking time to care for yourself, you are no good to anyone around you.

What is it that makes you feel most complete? What hobbies do you enjoy? Where do you feel most at peace? When do you feel the healthiest?

Even as I sit here writing about how important it is to take time for yourself, I'm reflecting on the million and two things that need to be done. And yet, none of those are as important as the reminder that it's okay to do something for yourself.

So, tonight I will head out after bedtime to get a little 'girl' time. I'll catch up with some old friends that I haven't seen in way too long. Some of them will make it and some of them will get caught up in their life with small children. Those of us that go will be so thankful that we left the house on this cold, blustery and wet fall day. It won't be easy for any of us to get there, but the payoff will be worth it!

Next summer, my husband will head out fishing for a week with friends. It's never easy for him to get away- but, darn it, it's so important. There will be a few weekends here and there that he sneaks away for a fishing or hunting day. It won't be as often as he'd like, but I'll support him as much as possible. He needs his outdoor time as much as I need my 'girl' time.

What have you done recently for yourself? What hobby or special thing do you have that's your very own? Do you do it? Do you make time to make your life worth living.

This morning I ran into a mom friend of mine. I had met her at church a few years back and have loved watching her family grow. She is beautiful in every sense of the word - kind, loving, supportive, caring, nurturing ... someone who I have always looked up to since I met. She is battling cancer. She is fighting every day.

My Tuesday Tip is more than just taking time for yourself ... it's also loving every minute of the life you have been blessed with. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Love yourself and the people around you. Take time to appreciate your health if you have it. Notice the strengths and gifts you have been blessed with and don't waste another day not using them.

Please keep those struggling with their health in your thoughts and prayers today. Do everything you can to nurture your own health- both your physical and mental health. We only have one life and one body! Take time to appreciate yours today!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Marriage Monday: Communication is the KEY!

If only communication with our spouse was as easy as this picture on the left.

Honesty is the best policy ... most of the time.

Our spouses, the ones we vowed to love until 'death do us part' have feelings. They are human and will struggle just like us. We can't expect perfection, but we must communicate lovingly about our expectations.

Have you ever had a disagreement, argument or down and dirty dog fight over miscommunication?

Last spring my grandmother passed away. I was supposed to read at the funeral. The morning of the dreaded miscommunication started because my husband thought our family needed to be at the church by 9:00 am.

First there was the knock at the door. My sister had come calling for my mom's keys. My hubby had moved her car the night before and she thought he still had them. Standing behind the door (in his underwear), my husband tried to explain that he had given the keys to my other sister.

The kids were so excited to see their aunt, that our madness in trying to get ready turned into complete chaos. My sister (who thought my husband was joking about being in his underwear) came through the door.

After some back and forth between rooms and hallway running by my children, the keys were found.

My already irritated husband was trying to load the car with the 'help' of our eight-year-old. Keys were missing once again, but this time they were ours.

There were nasty glares shared, huffs and puffs, and I'm pretty sure some foul language. Finally, we made it to the parking lot (mind you- I'm leaving out a LOT of joy created when getting four children ready in a small-town motel room).

We offered to take my dad with us (he was extremely sick and didn't even know if he could make it through the funeral). He was toughing it out so he could make it to his mother's funeral while trying to deal with his own spousal issue ... his very late wife.

As we were driving to the funeral, I couldn't understand why my husband was being such an ass. After all, it was my grandmother who had passed, it was my father who was sick and barely moving AND I had to read in front of a church full of people in a matter of an hour. I didn't even know where I was supposed to go when I got to the church, when I was reading or what exactly to expect.

I tried to communicate lovingly with my husband. This only pissed him off more.

"I HATE when you talk to me in that voice. It's so patronizing."

My response was even calmer than before so I could irritate him further. "Honey, I don't understand why you are so upset."

"UPSET? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE NOT MORE UPSET."

Again, staying calm. "What do you mean?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE READING."

I looked at the clock with a little panic. We still had 45 minutes to spare before mass started. I explained lightly, "I don't have to be there until 9:30."

"9:30? Ugh. Well, why the hell have you been so worked up then?" My husbands tone was as soft and sweet as ever.

From Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in about .02 seconds. Relaxed. Calm. Almost humming to a kind and friendly beat.

Are you kidding me? How on earth do you communicate with that?

In all seriousness, though, he was angry and frustrated out of concern for me. While he had a HORRIBLE time communicating that he was worried about me being late for my grandmother's funeral, his care was genuine.

It's funny how we respond to life. It's even funnier to be able to watch our spouses respond to life. Neither of us is going to do it right 100% of the time. Heck, we probably aren't going to do it right 25% of the time.

We get to see the very worst part of our other half and they get to see the worst part of us. And, yet, we love each other anyway.

Communication will continue to be a struggle, but marriages will only be as strong as the willingness from the two involved to try to understand each other. Our words must be truthful, but they must also be as loving as they can be.

We will mess-up. We will fail to communicate how we really feel. It's okay. We just can't stop trying.

This week, as you are communicating, be willing to see the other person's point of view. Be willing to find the care and concern that must be behind their emotions. Be as truthful and honest as you can while still being loving and kind. Share and share some more. Communication is key and it takes practice, practice, practice.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”  

-George Bernard Shaw

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Take Time to Unwind

Yesterday I picked up my daily devotional book (something I don't do as consistently as I should) and the message could not have been more clearly for me ... 

"Lie down in green pastures of peace. Learn to unwind whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children 'wired' much of the time, too tense to find Me in the midst of their moments. I built into your very being the need for rest. How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting this basic need. How much time and energy they waste by always being on the go, rather than taking time to seek My direction for their lives."

Guilt.

If there is one thing I can own in this world, it's guilt.

Before I became a mom, I would hear people talking about the 'mommy guilt' and didn't fully understand it's impact. I've come to realize though, that it's not just mommies that struggle with guilt. Surely, men are better at compartmentalizing their lives (and not intertwining every darn facet of daily living like most women), but they, too, struggle with allowing themselves to be human and mess-up.

Consistency is root of solving all issues. Consistency is amazing in theory ...

Cleaning, volunteering, making healthy dinners, reading up on latest trends, spending quality time with loved ones, working out - must I go on?

Life is anything but consistent. Every time I try to take 'control' of life, I'm reminded that I have very little do with controlling what is happening around me. The only thing I have control of (at least some of the time) is my reaction to what life throws at me.

It's funny how we think a weekly dinner board or a more organized closet or chore chart are going to solve the issue of life. WE CAN NOT CONTROL LIFE!

So, what's the answer?

I think I found it in my daily devotional yesterday ... let it go. Let go of the idea that doing just one more thing is going to 'fix' everything. The one more thing in your life is probably preventing you from getting the rest you need. It's causing you to busy yourself so much that you forget how critical it is to unwind.

This weekend, try not to rush around and spend all your time preparing for the week ahead. Take time for yourself to unwind. Relax with the people in your life you love the most. Don't beat yourself up if you stray from the routine. Allow yourself to NOT be consistent. Let go of the guilt.

I was reminded this morning by an old friend that I have four great excuses for not being consistent. It's time to appreciate where I'm at in life, let go of all the guilt that keeps me doing just one more thing and realize that tackling one moment at a time is okay!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Tuesday Tip: It's Okay

Good days. Bad days. Twists. Turns. Unforeseen troubles.

It's okay.

We must remember that most times in life, it's okay!

It's funny how one minute we can be high on life and the next minute covered in poo!

Last week, amidst my poor attitude, I got up early to go for a run. I had time to clean the kitchen before the kids got up, squeezed in a read from my daily devotional book and started making waffles.

I was high on life and thinking, "I don't know why I have been in such poor spirits."

I got a call from one of my daughter's friends' mom just as my two-year-old woke up. There was a few whines and a comment about needing to go to the bathroom. We had been without diapers and decided to brave a few nights without bedtime protection (needless to say, we'd had a few extra loads of laundry...store visits are just too daunting sometimes).

But, this glorious morning she had woke up dry.

I was finishing up my conversation and didn't want to be rude. I was on my way up the stairs when the whines turned into cries.

And then, I saw the poop ... ON THE STAIRS.

What was I to say to this mom? "Sorry, I have to go. My two-year-old just pooped all over the stairs." I'm not quite at that comfort level yet and would have been mortified!

I scooped up my daughter in one hand, phone in the other and v-lined to the bathtub. In the meantime, I wrapped up the conversation without sounding too frazzled, realized I had stepped in one of the piles of poo and deposited my daughter in the tub.

At that moment, things did not seem okay. Now I know not all of you are dealing with 'real' poop ... but life has several poo-catastrophe moments. From red lights on a day you are late, comments you wish you could take back, fights with your spouse or kids, illnesses or injuries that set you back, to a million other nuances that make up day to day living.

Life is hard. Shit hits the fan over and over and over.

However, there are glorious moments, too. Awe-filled, beautiful moments that make life worth living. These moments of amazement make it all okay. We must focus on these moments and try to put the others on the back burner.

The other morning, I got the poop cleaned up (that part of the stairs is cleaner than all the rest!). My kids still enjoyed their hot waffles. Everyone got to school on time. It was okay.

This terrific Tuesday ... try to notice the times in your day that are not going your way. And then force yourself to note the moment that you realize, 'It's okay.' The more often we celebrate life, the less often we will struggle.

Remember: You're not the only one covered in poop:)

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Marriage Monday: Remember When ...

"Remember when we first met, we would talk for hours and hours about how we would be in love forever ... and we still are."          -Unknown

Well, marriage certainly isn't that glamorous all the time. The butterflies that once existed turn into knots from irritation. The character traits that you once loved about your spouse, sometimes balloon into annoying habits.

While all this is true, we must fight to remember when ... we fell in love.

Do you remember the first time either of you said, "I love you"?

Was it mutual? Were you both dying to say it? OR ... did it slip out in an uncharacteristic moment?

My Catholic parents were somewhat disappointed with our decision to live in sin. It's probably good they didn't realize that my sister's address was merely just a mailing address long before I technically 'moved in' with my boyfriend.

I think we just always 'knew'. There was really no denying that we would end up together- forever.

So, one night when I was staying over, there was a terrible rainstorm. I had a horrible habit of leaving my car windows down! I awoke with a start in the middle of the night.

"Oh, crap! I left my windows down."

After getting up to close the bedroom window, my now husband looked at me and didn't miss a beat. "You know I love you, but I'm not going to go close your windows."

I didn't move. I wasn't sure if he really knew what he said. His face indicated that he did not mean to let those three little words roll off his tongue. We had never said anything about 'love'! And now, he just threw it out there- in the middle of the storm.

Needless to say, he rolled up my car windows. We both pretended that we didn't realize what was said. The next night, he tried to joking see if any damage was done by his comment.

"So you know when you asked me to roll up your windows?"

"Yes!" It was so fun to see him squirm.

"Well, I meant what I said."

"Well, me too!" Butterflies were jumping into my throat. The words had come and gone. And, life moved on as if it were always meant to be!

What about you? What's your special 'I Love You' memory? Do you have a good story to go with it? Does it bring a smile to your face to remember? Does it take you back to a simpler time in life?

This Marriage Monday take time to reminisce with your spouse. Talk about how things used to be. Laugh about future dreams you once had. Recall the hours and hours you spent talking.

We once vowed to never become the couple that sits in a restaurant for hours without anything to talk about - Good Lord, we beg for those quiet nights now!

Happy Marriage Monday to you! If this sparks a story that you must share, e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com. Your story could be a part of my upcoming book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage! 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Focus On The Good

Focusing on the good is sometimes easier said than done.

The silver lining doesn't always shine through.

Sometimes, the bad seems too overwhelming.

BUT ...

You must continue to try to focus on the good. You must strive to find the sliver of hope that might exist. You must put your effort towards the bright and stay away from the dark as often as possible.

The other day as I was considering what to blog about, my irritating, annoying, jerk of a dog came to mind. I wanted to title my blog, "I Really Dislike My ..."! And then my first sentence was going to read, "DOG".

I then wanted to continue to write about tantrums and poop catastrophe's and arthritis and cancer and not understanding loved ones.

WHOA. HOLD ON! This blog is supposed to be positive and uplifting. It's supposed to remind us that it's okay to mess up and have bad days. It's supposed to make us feel better about life- not worse.

So, as I sat at my kindergartner's conference on Tuesday night ... it hit me. My husband and I were waiting, searching, almost begging to hear how awful our daughter was at school. What in the hell is wrong with us? Our daughter is amazing. Her teacher's words, "She is so full of joy and loves every bit of life!"

Why must we seek out the bad? Why do we constantly beat ourselves up over things out of our control? Why is it so difficult (some days) to find the amazing moments of glory that exist?

Last night I had the privilege of sharing a few cold beverages with a friend I don't see often enough. Someone in her life gave her some wonderful advice that stuck with me today. "You need to have an attitude of gratitude!" Wow. Don't we all?

There are at least a million and three things that I have to be thankful for in my life right now. It's okay that I've been a little on the negative side and forgotten. It's okay, because I've recognized my piss-pour attitude.

Today is a new day. It's okay to let go of yesterday. It's okay to admit that my attitude has not been full of gratitude. Today, I will focus on the good; not just in myself, but also in my damn dog and my spirited child!

Here's to you and your gratitude. Find the goodness today and everyday that you can!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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Tuesday Tip: Relax

Oh boy ... RELAX!

Yes, I need to relax. Do you?

Kids will be kids. Accidents will happen. Milk will get spilled. Clothes will get colored on. Fingernails will get greasy and dirty.

Kids will be kids.

"Honey, relax!" Says my fun-loving husband.

Are you able to let go of the dishes? To not curse at red lights or slow drivers? To not get worked up over the little nuances of life?

Sometimes I am. Sometimes I amaze myself at my understanding, calmness and ability to just let life happen.

And then, sometimes, I just NEED to RELAX.

I've come to terms with the fact that my relaxing will not be a night on the couch or an hour to get ready at will ... four kids don't allow for much 'sit down' or just 'down' time. That's okay. I shouldn't need all that. Sure it'd be nice occasionally, but it's got to be more about embracing the life stages you are at.

Whether you have a bunch of rug rats running around or are a retired grandparent ... we could all benefit from some proper relaxation.

Life isn't structured and neat. Life won't always move at the pace we desire. We must just do the best we can with the strengths and limitations we've been blessed with.

When you need to relax- take five! Practice inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Put your hand on your stomach so you can feel it extend as you breathe in and descend as you blow out. Do it five times. While breathing, take your mind to a calm and relaxing place. Maybe go to the beach or the mountains or a special place you used to visit as a child.

Once you've 'taken five', allow yourself to stay loose. Let the nuances of life be blown right out of you!

And if that doesn't work, call a friend and go share a cold beverage:)

Have a terrific Tuesday!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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