#wednesdaywisdom: Don't Flush The Fish!

Oh, boy. I missed my #tuesdaytip yet again. Had I written it for you ... #tuesdaytip: Don't Start A Million Projects Over a Holiday Break!

Now, on to my wisdom. Actually, this is another one of those do as I say and NOT as I do! I hope your New Year is off to a fantastic start as you are reading this!

I may have ruined my two-year-old or at least confused the living daylights out of her!

A few weeks ago my in-laws had to put their dog of ten years down. It was extremely sad for them and for the whole family. My kiddos have grown up with their dog, Bill. Truly, their house isn't the same without him.

The older kids knew what had happened and understood when we said, "had to put him down." A year and a half ago we said goodbye to our dog after an intense battle with cancer. We were very open with the kids about what happened and different words that are used for 'death' when talking about animals.

The two-year-old, however, got left in the dust. The first time we went over to my in-laws house after their dog had died, she quickly asked, "Where's Bill?" It dawned on me then that we never really talked to her about the whole death situation.

So ... after a long explanation about heaven and Jesus and better places, she seemed confused enough to just stop (I tend to beat a dead horse!).

Christmas Eve mass was a short time later. As soon as we settled down and my littlest recognized Jesus on the wall, she looked and looked all around. "Mommy, where's Bill?"

Oh wow. More explaining, more confusion ... "heaven isn't on earth and that statue of Jesus on the wall is just a reminder of him. We can't really see him, just like we can't ever see Bill again."

She seemed appeased enough. The same day as church was the day that two of the four Beta fish we bought just a week earlier had died. One of them happened to belong to the youngest. All through the Christmas Eve festivities at our house, two lone (and very dead) fish sat in baggies in our fridge. Surely, we couldn't let the 14-day life guarantee policy go to waste!

We went to the store and got two new fish. My daughter was even more confused about where her little 'Dinosaur' had gone. Her new fish was a girl, not a boy and 'Dinosaur' lived again (only looking completely different). She was so confused.

Just this last Sunday night, we lost my oldest daughter's Beta fish. Her 14-day life policy had run out so I decided to just flush the fish. We all went into the bathroom, said our goodbyes, offered up a little prayer and went on with our business.

The two-year-old started sobbing ... huge, hot, REAL tears of sadness for more than 30 minutes. She was inconsolable. She said things like, "I didn't get to say good-bye to my fish." And, "I don't want my fish to go to heaven with Bill." She was so sincere when she said, "I don't want Bill to be in heaven any more."

There you have it. Pure and honest grief. It was quite possibly the saddest thing I had ever seen.

The kids tried to help, telling her to remember the good times with Dinosaur. They encouraged her to remember how playful Bill was. They brought up our old dog, Berkley (which only made her sob even harder) and talked about how he was in a better place playing with our deceased grandmas.

Dinner was not fun (and a little depressing) at our house Sunday night! But, it was a good reminder of how life events affect each of us differently. Life events are just too much and occasionally a it all comes to a head when we least expect it.

Whatever life events you are dealing with right now, I hope that you have love and support all around you to help you get through. As we begin 2014, let's remember that it's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to want different things for your life. It's okay if 2013 wasn't a year to write home about.

Make today the best you can and forget all the rest. Take a moment to cry and then let it go. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and remind you how damn special you are!

Have an amazing day.

2013 has come & gone. 

The good, bad & ugly are just memories now! 

Can't change yesterday, but today is bright w/ possibilities for tomorrow!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#marriagemonday: A Partner In Crime

The 'it's okay' philosophy is one that is based on the premise that life cannot and will not be perfect. Knowing this and living this are two totally different things.

If we are to forgive ourselves for messing up or failing, we must also forgive those around us for doing the same.

The day you vow to love your spouse until death do you part, you don't always know how flawed the other half may be. Hopefully you've got a pretty good understanding, but there will be no better understanding than years of seeing the best and worst of your forever roommate.

If we take a step back and look at the total picture of our spouses, the hope is that the good far outweighs the bad. The wish is that each day you wake up next to your significant other, loving him/her just a little bit more than the day before. The desire is that after years of ups and downs and all-arounds, you end up knowing you can't live without your imperfect partner.

Now, I must clarify for my own partner in crime that I am married to a damn good man. While he may not be perfect, I have very little to complain about. We have our 'discussions' and our banters and our knock-em-dead-with-a-look stare downs- but overall, we feel lucky to have one another each and every day (well, most days that is)!

Are you thankful everyday for your partner in crime? Do you still have playful moments and full-on belly laughs? Do you sometimes stare at your other half and wonder how you got so lucky?

This #marriagemonday, my hope is that you take time to notice the growth in your marriage; that you recognize how imperfect you each are, yet how perfectly partnered you have become.

This weekend we had the opportunity to go out with some of my husband's buddies from high school. Story after story was told about the good old days. Memories were shared and sad times were recognized. I felt such joy watching my husband in his 'old' element. It was amazing to realize that even though I didn't know him at that time, his boyish qualities turned him into the man he is today (though the boyish behaviors still continue ... ha!).

My husband and I will continue to mess up. At times we will fail. We will even hurt one another in future moments, forgetting to manage our emotions. All that being said, we will each have a partner. Whether the crime is little or big, we will be there partaking in it together.

#marriagemonday: Forget the imperfections & flaws. 

Focus on the partnership your years together have created. 

#partnerincrime #twobecomeone 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#fridayfolly: It DOES Look Like Poop!

Ten years ago today I said, "I do!" I started down a wide open road with endless possibilities and along side of me, was a humorous, fun-loving, downright good man!

Four kids, three dogs and six fish later ... we get to celebrate 10 years of greatness (and lots of chaos!).

This holiday break has been filled with household projects. We've been in our home almost nine years now and it needs a major makeover. The house has definitely been lived in and loved to the point of smudges, dents and little peoples names written all over it.

Our latest project was repainting our bedroom. My husband and I are very boring when it comes to color in the house- this most recent happening proves why we should stick to the basic tan paint color.

I wanted to be exciting; to do something different. As we looked at paint colors, my husband warned me that going with a gold or mustard color is dangerous, "Those colors will turn out looking like poop!"

He let me pick the color. He didn't remind me of his original thoughts of bowel colored paint. He just let me do what I wanted ... after all these years, you'd think he would have put up more of a fight (or maybe I've just warn him down too much; trained him too well).

We opened the paint can Thursday morning. There, in front of me, was the color of a newborn baby's poo. You know those chunky, mustard-like squirts that line the tiny diapers ... well, that was the color that was being stirred and prepped for OUR bedroom.

It DID NOT look like the little drop on the outside of the can and it certainly DID NOT look like the swatch of color I picked. My husband couldn't have been more supportive.

"Let's get it on the walls and let it dry. It will be fine." He could have very easily said, "I told you so ...," but he didn't.

As we began our painting ritual (him rolling and me cutting in), I was extremely nervous. He continued to say things that made me believe it would be okay. He even commented, "I think we are going to like this!" The comment that had us both rolling, "Hey, it's been almost a year that we haven't changed a poopie diaper. This will keep the memory close to our hearts!"

In comes child #2! "Wow, what color IS that? It looks just like poop." He proceeded to grab his sisters and have them parade around the room chanting about how our room looked like poop.

When it was all said and done, the room looked pretty darn good. It dried to be somewhat of the color I was hoping for; even matching the pillow color I was trying to capture (another limitation of mine ... home decor).

After nap-time, child #4 walked in and proclaimed, "I really like your walls, mommy. You did a nice job. That orange looks really good!"

Poop-colored, orange, gold ... who's really counting? The thing that sticks out most in our latest project is my hubby's supportive and loving nature. We worked side by side all day- laughing, bantering and just enjoying the life we've created together.

Screw the color. Forget my #fridayfolly! In the end, what matters is love.

Happy 10th Anniversary, my dear. Thanks for putting up with all my 'it's okay' moments. Thanks for loving me despite my flaws. Thanks for not rubbing the million mistakes in my face. My life is complete because you are in it!

He could've said, "I told you so!" but instead just showed support & love.

 #wishIcoulddothat #thankgoodnessformyhubby #tengreatyears #ya2us

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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#marriagemonday: Our Loved Ones Make It Worth While!

The other day I wondered for a second what I would do if I lost my spouse. I don't know where it came from or why it consumed my thoughts; but it was extremely overwhelming.

Holidays are a time to be with loved ones; to make memories with those who mean the most to us.

When I was lost in the terrible thought the other day, it struck me that there are millions of people who will have to make it through this holiday without a loved one.

While our spouse is our rock and our one and only, he/she is just one piece to the puzzle of life. If we are lucky enough to not only have a spouse, but also have our loved ones healthy and by our side, we must take a second to be grateful.

Life has amazing possibilities because of the people in it!

Those who have impacted us and touched our lives will never be forgotten.

As we approach our Merry Christmas, let us all feel blessed for the loved ones that are present. Let us all take a moment to remember those we have lost. Let us not forget its the people that make Christmas so Merry!

Whatever your situation this holiday, my thoughts are with you! My hope is that you have people around you to help you celebrate this magical time of year.

May your Christmas day be Merry and Bright! May your day be filled with joy, love and peace. May you recognize the people around you who make your life amazing. May you remember those who are no longer with you to celebrate, but who left you a more fantastic person with wonderful memories.

Merry Christmas!

 This merry holiday recognize the people who make 

you more amazing now & remember those who are gone, 

but left you a more fantastic person!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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fridayfolly: Have I Let Go Too Much?

Guilt has been my M.O. for too long.

Worrying about what others think about me has been a struggle since grade school.

Parenting brought my guilt and feelings of inadequacy to a whole new level.

Must. Be. Put. Together. At. All. Times.

NOT!

I can not and will not have it all together, EVER!

And, it's okay.

I'm finally at a place where I feel okay with who I am ... screw-ups and all. I've found pieces of my life that I can 'let go' of and not stress about. I actually said, "No," more than once in the last month. And, I haven't even sent out a Christmas card yet (nor do we have a good picture)!

I will continue to see the best in others. I will strive to offer sound advice when asked. I will work my tail off to be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend and worker. I will still try to keep up on life maintenance to the highest standard I am able to at each moment.

I will do all that knowing that I can NOT do it all.

I will mess up. I will forget. I will fail. I will not be perfect!

And, 'it's okay'!

Thursday morning I was fixing up a few screw-ups I made at work. I wandered in wearing my black yoga pants with my two-year-old in tow. Please know it was a day off for me and this isn't my usual attire, nor is it 'bring your daughter to work' most days.

Before the clock hit 9:00 a.m. my daughter had already had three Laffy Taffy candies. One large piece of candy had lodged itself in her uncombed curly locks. A co-worker kindly let me know, "I think she has a piece of gum in her hair."

My response, "Oh, my. That's where that piece of gum went. We were looking for that two nights ago."

Goodness. Dear me. I actually admitted to not showering my child for more than two days, not to mention the fact that this also proved I hadn't combed her hair.

After closer inspection, I realized it was just a piece of Laffy Taffy.

I was ready to chop the hair. I instructed someone to just grab me a pair of scissors. The office ladies came to the rescue. I actually accepted an offer of help. I sat still and watched as my kind co-worker smeared peanut butter all through my daughter's hair and work out the candy. A quick wash in the sink and we were good to go.

I share this little story because I was okay with all of it. I didn't beat myself up for looking like a totally un-put-together mother. I didn't fret over having to let someone help me. I laughed out loud at my 'Mother of the Year' moment, knowing that I am just as human as every one else.

My house isn't always neat and clean any more. My kids aren't always showered and matching. My answers aren't always crisp and without flaw or stutter.

I admit it- I don't have it all together. I've let go of the idea that this is even possible. And, I actually think I'm okay with that.

What's eating at you? What's been your M.O.? What question do you have about where you are at in your life right now?

It's important we remember that we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with. Let's all aim to be authentic- to be okay with who we are and show that to others. Even better ... let's strive to see the best in not only ourselves, but in others, too. Let's work to judge less and empathize more!

Happy last weekend before the holiday to you all. May your holiday be filled with as much joy as possible. When times get tough (and moments will), just remember, 'it's okay'. Love as much it all as you can and forget the rest.

Know your limits and enjoy living within them! 

Stretch yourself, but not to the point of stress. 

#letgoofwhatyoucan #beokaywithwhoyouare

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#tuesdaytip: Stop and Listen!

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."   — Ralph Nichols

The ability to really listen is a true art form. It isn't something that comes natural to everyone. And it certainly is NOT easy! But still, everyone has moments they just want to be heard.

 

Good listening 101:

1. Put your phone down

2. Make eye contact 
         
3. Put your phone down

4. Stay quiet 

5. Put your phone down

6. Don't fidget or constantly look at the clock

7. Put your phone down

8. Show understanding and empathy (nod in agreement at the appropriate times)

9. Put your phone down

10. Respond with follow-up questions or caring comments

Easy enough! Right? 

Wrong. 

Life moves at a pace that is not normal. Taking time to really listen takes time away from the million and 12 things you have to do. 

However, those million and 12 things can always wait. Our technology-driven, rat-race living world that we are living in- is not what life is really all about. 

People. People. People. 

We must take care of the people around us (including the little people that drive us batty sometimes). 

This Tuesday and the many Tuesdays to follow, take time to stop and listen. As our family struggles through a fighting-funk (this is when no one can get along for more than two seconds), I'm reminded of the importance to stop and listen. 

My seven-year-old son came down the steps Sunday night after bedtime. I immediately jumped down his throat about being out of bed. My husband stopped. He listened to what my son had to say. He was able to understand my son and his needs. 

"I was just going to offer to rub my sister's back since you two are busy and haven't come up yet. She is really upset."

We all want to be understood. And the only way to understand, is to listen. 

While our house has been a little out of sorts, my son wanted to do a kind and generous act. He was truly only trying to help. And, I was too consumed with my own 'after bed' agenda to stop and listen. It's a blessing my husband rescued the moment.

Thank goodness for people who stop to listen and care. Be that person for others! 

Rush, rush, rush-busy, busy, busy. 
Time to stop! Time to listen! 
Time to understand those who need to be understood. 
Don't just hear #listen

  Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) 

and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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#marriagemonday: Be Kind To Your Spouse

It's Monday yet again! A day to think about and focus on our marriages. Hip hip hooray for Marriage Monday!

How is your marriage going today? Was the weekend a wonderful one with your spouse?

It's funny how sometimes things are going so well in our marriage that we forget what it's like to be struggling. And, then, when the struggling hits (as rare as it may be), it seems to consume how we view our marriage is going.

Marriage. What does it mean to you? How would you define your marriage?

Love. Laughter. Friendship. Trust. Care. Compassion. Constant. Strong. Sincere. Tender.

What words would you use? Take a moment to list your top ten. Then share it with your spouse and see what their top ten words would be to define your marriage. 

The quote listed with the picture above was too fitting not to share. Love is what brings a marriage together; friendship seems to be what makes it last. However, the kindness in the middle is what makes the marriage meaningful and memorable.

We vowed to love our spouses until death do us part. We promised to be true to them in good times and in bad.

Marriage will not be easy. Marriage will not be all fun and games. BUT, your marriage will be worth every effort you put into it until the end! Your marriage will be as amazing as you let it be. Your kindness can make your years less monotonous and more meaningful and memorable.

This Monday, be extra kind to your spouse. Think about what your marriage means to you. Make your top ten words that define what you and your spouse have created. Take a day to basque in the goodness of your success! After all, if you're celebrating #marriagemonday, you're still celebrating a marriage (and that's something to be proud of)!

 'Til death do you part is a long time away- might as well enjoy it! Love him. 

Laugh w/ him. Be a true friend to him. Be extra kind to him. 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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