Slow Down ... Long Enough to Reflect!

You know that old saying, "Stop to smell the Roses"? Have you ever stopped to ponder what that really means? Well ... I did ... in Walmart!!!

Yes, it was early Sunday morning at Walmart, that I had a moment. Teary eyed, with my turquoise eye shadow remnants (Raina had done my eye shadow the night before), I pondered what I have been missing the last two months. I have literally been living moment by moment- purchasing things the night before or the moment before it is needed and finishing up tasks just as they were due. I often didn't even know what the next day had in store for me.

I realized as I was shopping Sunday morning that I hadn't even taken time to plan anything for Memorial Day. A day that is meant to appreciate the very lives we are blessed with. A day that honors men and women who were brave enough to risk their lives for you and ME! A day that is meant to be spent with loved ones ... And, I hadn't even given it a thought.

We all get caught in the hamster wheel of life. Everyone is busy in their own way. It's truly what we choose to do with our busyness that can set our appreciation for life apart from others.

I'm in the season of life where it's very easy to get caught up in schedules and checking things off my to-do list, but this is no way to live. And the only person that can stop & slow down in the midst of the craziness ... is ME! I must own my season of life and not lose sight of the big picture. Family and friends must stay a priority and all the rest can wait.

What is your to-do list? My little Raina made a list not too long ago & it reminds me of what is really important. I thought of these things as I was strolling down the isles of Walmart- trying to stock our empty cupboards and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. There is so much terrible stuff in the world, but there is FAR MORE wonderful and beautiful things in the world to take notice of!

Sometimes I think we don't stop- because if we stop and slow down, if we stop and put our phones down, if we stop and quit busying ourselves with tasks, THEN we have to feel. We have to feel overwhelmed or sad or lonely or unsure or unsettled. But when we don't allow ourselves to feel the real feelings we have buried inside, then we miss the very moments that might change our feelings to that of joy, happiness or love.

As I checked out from Walmart, I had the best conversation with the sales associate. She was lovely. She too has four kids. She too is living the hamster wheel- just trying to make ends meet to be able to enjoy her own blessings. But, there she was, working, so that I could try to catch up on life. Perspective.

Walking out to my car, my two pizzas fell off the cart and landed upside down. My watermelon rolled into the middle of the street. I remembered that I hadn't even brushed my teeth (no judgment ... if I brush my teeth, the dog thinks it's time to eat and the whole house would have been woke up ... plus, I had a mint and a coffee!). I was a hot mess and I didn't even have kids with me. I let myself remember the days of screaming kids, overflowing carts, baby carriers and sheer exhaustion.

That season of toting around littles is gone. Over. Did I savor any of those moments? Was I running so fast that I forgot to stop and smell the roses? Those of you who know me know I DON'T run these days (and have never run fast), but I'm talking more about moving through life so fast just trying to keep afloat, that I maybe didn't stop to feel the feelings that were happening in the tough moments.

So this Memorial Day, and the many days that follow, I encourage us all to slow down ... Long Enough to Reflect. And Long Enough to Feel! Too many beautiful souls are no longer with us to reflect and feel. It is up to us! Go forth slowly and with a strong heart!

Lots of love is being sent to all those who have lost loved ones and to all those who have served so that I can have a life to appreciate!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Confessions of a Non-Yeller!

I admit it.

I am a yeller. You know, one of those moms who yells a lot.

I never used to be. I used to be calm, patient ... kind. I used to reteach my children over and over. I used to explain in a loving, gentle tone.

I remember the year I started yelling. I remember the guilt and anguish I felt. I thought I was a horrible person ... the worst mom in the world. I had become 'one of those angry moms' that I never wanted to be. You know, the ones who you see at the store who scowl and growl at their kids instead of holding their hands and kissing them on top of their heads.

It was the year my oldest turned four. She was okay (we used to laugh that we did good on the first one!). But our two-year-old son was a nightmare. That kid was into everything. He was the one you read about that would stick shit in the light sockets. I also had two BIG dogs. One of which should have been on ADHD meds. Plus, our precious, beautiful, brown-eyed third born, turned into a 'hell-on-wheels' one-year-old.

I only yelled occasionally at first. It was so rare and I was so ashamed that I never talked about it.

Well ... another kid and years later ... it's all out there. When we have date night and talk about our little assholes, I'm no longer ashamed to admit that yelling is a natural way of life most days in our house.

UNTIL now. Ugh. I gave up yelling for Lent. Seriously, who has to give up yelling for Lent??? Yep- me!

This picture reminds me of my early yelling days. It's a perfect example of how Facebook is NOT reality. I posted this amazing Easter Egg picture years ago ... and I'm sure everyone looked at it and probably thought, "What an amazing mom! She dyes eggs with her kids. They are so happy!"

Reality: I had just lost my shit. They were all touching and pushing and messing up a perfectly good 'moment'. Damn. Why do kids do this? Ha! They do it because they are kids! And that whole 'picture perfect moment' DOES.NOT.EXIST! There are only perfect mili-seconds scrambled into the crazy reality of parenting.

So, back to NOT yelling for Lent. It has been almost two weeks now. I have not lost my shit once. No adult temper tantrum. No slamming doors. No throwing objects. I have made it almost TWO WHOLE weeks. It's so sad that I'm actually really proud of this!

Yay, me! Right?!?! Well, last night I was very honest with my kids that I was about to BLOW! But, alas, I did not.

These last two weeks, I have felt sensitive, sad and a little vulnerable. Not in a bad way. In a BIG feeling kind of way. You see, I have big, enormous emotions ... that have to come out somehow. And when I took out the anger, irritation and 'quick-to-temper' feelings, I was exposed.

In the last two weeks, I have had more meaningful conversations with my children. I have sat down and played more. I have listened without judgment. I have been patient (though through gritting teeth occasionally). I have been grateful.

More than anything, these last two weeks have reminded me how much I love my little assholes. And, that saying, 'You always hurt the ones you love' ... well, it should be burned. Why do we hurt those we love the most? Why do we use up all our patience on people that we don't spend the most time with. Why do we take for granted that the people closest and dearest to us might not always be around.

There you have it! You now know I'm a crazy-ass yeller (or was until two weeks ago)! You know that I lose my shit regularly (Lord help me these next four weeks of Lent!). You know that I call my children 'Little Assholes' (in the most loving way possible!).

You know that I am imperfectly perfect! And I am finally okay with that! What's my saying?!?! Oh yeah, 'It's Okay'!

Whatever struggles you are having, I'm sending good vibes your way. Know that you are loved and cared for by so many. Open yourself up to feel that love. Be vulnerable. Be exposed! Go forth and love big. It might hurt at first- but it'll be worth it in the end!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Oh Yeah, Babe! OFY!

OFY?!?!

Are you wondering about these silly letters? Wonder no more!

Our Flipping Year!

Granted, the second word was changed ... the original is too fowl to actually write in a blog. Some of you may have heard this story, but it's too good not to get down on paper (or in cyberspace).

It was late December and the morning of our 13th wedding anniversary. My dork of a husband came into the bathroom with his hand in the air for a High 5. I humored him and gave him a High 5. He then stated, "Two times, two times." I played along and slapped his hand twice. Then with an even bigger grin, he said loudly, "Three times, three times!"

So there we stood in our bathroom, giving each other three High 5's. You'd think that would be the highlight. But no. My hubby went on to talk about how this was our 'Lucky 13'! He went on and on about how lucky '13' is and how this was going to be OUR year. "Our Flipping Year!" He stated this over and over.

I began to believe his silly sentiments. We walked around the house the next few days, grinning and winking at each other. "OFY, baby!" That's all we'd need to say to get us ramped up yet again for our luckiest 13th year ever.

A week later we were driving to a hotel for a family reunion. The kids were in the back of the van wondering what floor we'd be staying on. One of the kids mentioned not wanting to be on the 13th floor. Then a conversation ensued about how many hotels don't even have a 13th floor because of superstitions that it would bring the hotel bad luck.

It dawned on me ... 13 was NOT lucky. What in the hell had he been talking about? OFY? This was NOT going to be our year - it was our UNLUCKY 13. I quickly hit his arm as hard as I could and yelled at him, "Lucky 13. You are full of **it. I can't believe I ever listened to you."

He quickly started laughing and said, "It's still OFY, babe! It is what we make of it. We can still make it Our Flipping Year! OFY. O ... F ... Y ... !"

You see, this story is a perfect example of our lives being what we make of them. Every day is as good as we let it be. There is no perfect life or marriage or job or friend or, or, or! Life is not perfect, but it's as perfect as we allow it to be!

Perfect imperfections.

We get to choose every second of every day whether gratitude will lead our attitude. Life is a gift that we must not take for granted. When things go wrong (and they most certainly will), we can love, learn and grow. Joyful moments are grand, but mistakes and trials are grander. For it is in these moments that we truly appreciate the very life we have been given.

Go forth today and choose goodness. Choose gratitude. Choose OFY, baby! O.F.Y!

This moment, this day, this week, this month, this year ... is definitely what you make it. Put your hand up & go not for one High 5, but three instead!!!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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I Used to be THAT Mom!

So ... I totally used to be THAT mom! You know, the one who really has her crap together. Really, I did. I'm not lying.

Let's review some of my great moments (just to make myself feel better!). I made a Barbie cake for my oldest when she was four- all by myself- I even put a new Barbie in the cake. I used to have family costumes every year ... with a theme! I used to make Christmas cards (one year I even scrapbooked the damn thing)! I clipped coupons. I did NOT let my kids have electronics or GUNS. I used to read to my kids EVERY night! We used to eat dinner together- EVERY meal.

Okay- I feel better. See, I really did USED to be THAT mom! That amazing mom that I always wanted and strived to be. So you might ask, "What are you now?"

Let me just tell you what kind of mom I am now. Let's start with ... dividing and conquering ... never eating dinner together ... saying goodbye to real meals ... not caring if my children are playing with electronics ... purchasing LOTS of guns for my nerf-loving son ... buying birthday presents on the way to the party ... having so much laundry that there's no clean underwear ... running out of toilet paper (HOW in the HELL does THIS happen?!?!) ...

I could go on and on and on. But let me end with a true picture of what kind of mom I have become.

Tonight I got home three minutes before needing to leave with the oldest for swim practice. The two middles were with their dad on their way to wrestling. I walked in to see a spread of random left-overs, dirty dishes - crap everywhere. I grabbed myself some cheese and crackers and ensured that my oldest had eaten SOMETHING (I didn't really care what!). We were on our way out when the youngest threw a tantrum because a new show was on. Really?

It was at that moment that I realized no one bothered to make sure the five-year-old had made her own dinner. Who does that? Makes their kids make their own dinner; night after night. I figured we'd just drop the oldest off and head back home to feed the littlest cranky child. So in the car we went (I should add here that the littlest was cranky, but also shoe-less and coat-less).

When we arrived at swimming, I had to go in to check how over-due we were on our balance. In walked my coat-less and shoe-less #4! Then, instead of going home to feed her dinner, I took her out for drive-thru ice cream (it was delicious!). And, no, she hadn't even eaten dinner yet. We headed back to swimming to just hang-out. She was still coat-less and shoe-less! Oh, and her hair was to-die for!.

The best part was the dad (with his three littles) who obviously thought I was THAT mom. Not the mom that has it all together, not the mom I USED to be. But THAT mom ... the tired, haggered, not-giving-a-crap mom. I wanted to tell him the whole story- explain that I really wasn't a horrible mother; that I really did have my crap together.

Instead- I played and laughed and watched my hoodlem of a daughter sounding out words on all sorts of signs. What fun we had.

Oh, how time changes us. This time in our lives is crazy. It's busy. It's lonely. But, damn, it's GOOD!

While I used to be THAT mom that had it all together- I'm proud to say I'm now just THAT normal mom, doing the best job I can. Living. Loving. Trying. Failing. Trying again. Loving again. Living again!

Whatever road you are on- don't get caught up in what others are thinking of you. Be proud of who you are, who you have become and who you are continuing to BE!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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True Confessions #idiot101

Seriously ... I can NOT make this stuff up!

While I am an elementary school counselor and would not recommend negative self-talk like, "I'm an idiot," these events are quite deserving!

After posting a beautiful breakfast that I prepared last Thursday on Facebook, things seemed to start spiraling. I know I've written about those moments that you feel you have it all together and feel like a super star, but then reality sets in. Well ... yet again, this was one of those moments!

So Sunday morning, Daylight Savings Time, turned out to be a delight. We had extra time in the morning to relax, eat breakfast as a family and truly, just not rush out the door to church. Let me clarify, that I WISH we were more consistent about church. However, it is one of those 'consistently inconsistent' things in our house (I'm working on this!).

We made it in the car and were only going to be a smidge late (yes, even with the extra time, I was running late getting ready). I didn't have my husband with me because he was going to head to a work fundraising event early and we were going to meet him there.

I was a little confused because mass seemed to already be started- and I mean, it already seemed half-way done. Well ... that was because it WAS half-way done. I went AT THE WRONG TIME. We didn't even have to walk into the mass to feel the shame. Luckily there were eight people outside mass to witness my embarrassing moment. One woman thought I missed the memo to move my clock back an hour. One assured me this had always been the time mass started. And, one sweet man told me to just go in, as they hadn't taken Communion yet. None of these things were helpful for my pride.

UGH. We walked our shameful selves out the door. My son, "Thanks, Mom. That was embarrassing for us." I didn't respond. Little did he know- that was embarrassing for only one person ... the mom who DOES NOT HAVE HER YOU KNOW WHAT TOGETHER :-)

Happy Monday! Please know when you feel like you don't have it together ... YOU are NOT the ONLY one!

My laundry sat in the washer all day yesterday- I plan to just rewash it.
My youngest hasn't brushed her hair in days- and I'm not fighting it.
My oldest hasn't used toothpaste in a week- though she is brushing with water (YUCK!).
My kids sheets are filthy- I had hoped to wash them Sunday, but we all know what happened there.

Seriously. From the moment I had my first child, people said, "You have to just let things go. Enjoy the moments with your children."

I think I may have taken this advice a tad-bit too far! My husband refers to me as the 'dumbest smart person he knows'! This is truly out of love ... and oh, so very true!

What have you let go? There's no shame in admitting! You are not alone. Every day we all try our very best- and that is what counts!

Here's to being on time (at the right time), completing laundry and helping kids have good hygiene! I've got my goals for the week.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Where's YOUR Magic?

Magic ... Is magic even real? Or, is it just an illusion? A figment of our imagination? A play on reality?

Our family just got back from the most 'Magical' place on earth. It certainly was magical- so magical that it didn't even seem real. How could one place hold so much life & beauty & amazement?

As we were enjoying our last day, I found myself looking around. I was studying faces and buildings; trying to take it all in.

I realized the most magical thing about the most magical place on earth didn't have anything to do with where I was. It was who I was with. My magic was right there, with me ... AND ... I got to bring it home!

I let myself stop for a moment of silence and recognition for those who have lost loved ones, who are struggling with a health issue, who would dream of having time with the special people in their lives and for those who don't see the magic that is all around them.

There is no perfect place. There is no perfect life. There is no perfect time.

Magic is all around us- everywhere we go- IF we slow down long enough to recognize it.

So many of us take the gifts that are right in front of us for granted (myself included). It's okay. Let's take charge of the magic today.

Stop. Breathe. Soak in every bit of magic that is all around you.

Sun. Nature. Family. Smiles. Laughter. Dumb jokes. Heath. Freedom. Shopping. Coffee. Snuggles. Kisses. Animals. Blankies. Flowers. Fresh cookies. Comfy beds. Work. Friends.

Magic. It's all around you. Don't miss it!

Have a Magical day, princess! Enjoy the Magic Show, fine prince!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Gratitude is an Attitude!

Gratitude is certainly an attitude!

I am not sure where I have heard this ... I am sure someone needs credit and only wish I could give credit where credit is due! But, alas, I am sure that person is grateful that I am spreading this message.

The funny thing about gratitude is that when we are focused on what is good in our life, it's hard to get down or angry about the things that are not. Life is hard. Life can certainly really suck. Life can be down-right awful.

However ...

Life is amazing and wonderful and it is certainly a blessing.

Just to be alive and breathing is a gift. We must focus on the good while we are busy living. Not everyone has that chance.

My cousin lost her battle to cancer almost a year ago. Not a day goes by that her smile doesn't creep into my thoughts. I learned SO much from her about gratitude. She was ALWAYS looking to the good in life. She wasn't fake or overbearing about it in any way. Her genuine style and way of approaching difficult topics always led back to how lucky we are to even be apart of this gigantic thing called life.

I can't tell her anymore how much she taught me. But, I can honor her memory and spread just a little piece of her every time I choose good.

What are you choosing these days? Are you bitter or angry or caught up in your daily struggles? It's okay. We are human and we are definitely ALL guilty of it.

Today, though, you have the power. Choose good. Believe in your gifts. Spread love. Change your attitude.

Gratitude is an attitude!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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