A Reason To Be Extra Kind Today ...

Wednesday, November 13th is National Kindness Day!

Yeah, an actual day devoted to being kind to others. How will you celebrate?

Will you ...

buy a coffee for the car behind you?

share a special treat with someone at work?

write a little note thanking someone for being amazing?

call an old friend you've been missing?

help your spouse with something you never do?

Whatever you do to celebrate the day, know that your kind act will not go unnoticed. While you might not see directly how your kindness will spread, rest assure- it will carry on.

Your kind act could be the start of ginormous wave of goodness. It could be the seed that needed to be planted in order for an amazing flower to grow.

Do something kind today. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture; just something small and meaningful!

Enjoy your day. Know you are loved. Know that when you spread your kindness, your goodness will pass through many!

November 13th! Who knew there was such a thing as National Kindness Day? Now you do and you are responsible to make it great for at least one needed soul!

"Kindness is the language in which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

-Mark Twain

#tuesdaytip: Give Appreciation

There are times in life that we feel unrecognized, unimportant and certainly unappreciated.

We start blaming everyone around us for not noticing the amazing things we are doing.

We actually wallow in our own misery; making it all seem so much worse.

Whether we are talking about work, family, spousal relationships, kids, volunteering, friends ... it doesn't really matter the situation. When we get to a place that we are throwing ourselves a 'pity-party', we need to STOP.

This morning as we were trying to rush out the door to get my oldest to a morning meeting, I heard, "MOM" about a million and three times. From finding gloves to tying shoes to wiping butts- you name it. I was apparently the only one they could find to help them!

As I began to get frustrated and throw my own little 'pity-party', I forgot to recognize that one of my children was already in the car. Her bag was packed, her shoes were tied, her coat was zipped, her gloves were on. She was ready. And yet, I was so wrapped up in my own misery at that moment, that I didn't thank her for her amazing work.

When we are so wrapped up in all WE are doing and not getting recognized for, we forget the amazing things happening around us. We actually become the ones not recognizing and appreciating the important work others are doing.

My #tuesdaytip is just this: Give Appreciation (and you will get it back ten-fold)!

Have you heard of the Dipper and the Bucket? It's the philosophy that you are either a 'bucket filler' or a 'bucket dipper'. Every time you notice the good deeds of someone else or do something kind, your bucket actually fills up. On the opposite side though, when you say or do mean and hurtful things, your bucket lessens.

The only person you can control is yourself. You can't make anyone do or say or be something you want them to be. You can't make people recognize or notice your actions!

BUT ... you can fill your own bucket by noticing the amazing acts of others. You can fill your own bucket by recognizing and giving appreciation. You can be the best you can be by helping others in their time of need.

Fill a bucket today. Give praise today. Give appreciation today. Recognize and notice the gifts, talents and good deeds by others.

Have a terrific bucket-filling Tuesday. I guarantee if you spend your day filling, tomorrow your Wednesday will be truly wonderful. And, your own bucket will be over-flowing!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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#marriagemonday: Is It Okay To Laugh?

You know when you're walking down the street and trip on a crack? Or when you're going up a flight of stairs and happen to miss the one at the top? Or what about the moment you realize your zipper had been down all day?

At these moments, you look around. You're looking for someone to laugh with you or you're making sure no one saw your ridiculous mistake.

At our most embarrassing moments, we hope someone we trust and love is nearby. Usually they lessen the shame and lighten the humiliation.

Laughing at our mistakes is sure to make them better. BUT, what about those times when your spouse is laughing at your mistake? What about the times your prince charming doesn't lessen the shame or lighten the humiliation ... what about the times he creates them?

Let's go back about eleven years now. I was helping my then fiance move a very heavy mattress down a very skinny and very windy staircase. For some reason, I was in the lead- meaning I was heading DOWN the very skinny and windy staircase with the very heavy mattress pressing down on my every step.

The mattress was stuck. My arms were like jello. I think (or at least hope), that my wonderful prince charming thought I had given up and set the mattress down. There had been several swear words shared between us; I was NOT happy that he hadn't thought about putting himself at the bottom of the staircase with the weight of the mattress pressing down.

I heard some sort of muffled, angry saying and then the next thing I knew, I was on the floor at the bottom of the stairs with the mattress on top of me. My soon-to-be husband had gotten so fed up that he kicked the mattress in an effort to get it around the bend (in his defense, he was trying to get it around the corner and claims he didn't think I was there or that the mattress would ever budge ... we will never really know!). 

Now, I wasn't physically hurt (my pride was a little lost) and I'm sure I was a sight for sore eyes ... but the ASS laughed at me. He stood there and cracked up.

I was so angry. I wanted to jump up and punch him in the gut- only the weight of the mattress and my position on the floor wouldn't allow it. It took a LONG time for me to get a good laugh out of this experience, but every time we look back I can't help but bust a gut.

Almost ten married years later- we know better than to move things together. We often refer back to that moment at the bottom of the stairs and I can bring out my best guilt trip over his ridiculous behavior.

Today, though, we were painting and rearranging in two kiddos rooms. We had to deposit an under-bed set of drawers to the garage. We had to go down the stairs in order to get there. He PURPOSEFULLY put me going down first. He LAUGHED his butt off as he pretended to readjust, nudge or jab the drawers at me. He had no intention of repeating the mattress trick, but made every effort to act like he would.

We made it down the stairs and out to the garage without me throwing the drawers at him. We managed to make it through a difficult day of distracting the kids so we could work. We made it ... and we even got in a laugh!

My question: "Is it okay to laugh?"

My answer: "Absolutely."

Without the laughter, all that comes is anger and resentment. Without the giggles and past mockeries, we get stuck in the monotony of life and marriage.

Who do you want around when you make a fool of yourself? I hope it's your spouse! I know mine can be quite obnoxious, but he sure knows how to have a good time and a darn good laugh (plus he knows how to distract the attention off my ridiculous acts ... especially ones involving geography ... but that's a whole other story)!

This #marriagemonday, find a time in your married past that laughter made what could have a been a very embarrassing, humiliating or shameful situation a little bit better. Remember that moment, talk about that moment and then share a laugh about that moment. You'll be glad you did:)

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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Friday Folly: Don't Wait!

What I really wanted to call this blog was my 'Friday F-Up'! In order to be more appropriate, I will stick to my 'Friday Folly'!

The typical #marriagemonday and #tuesdaytip will continue, but now you can consistently look forward to a #fridayfolly. Every time you read it from now on, you can think of what I REALLY wanted to call it:)

The afternoon was glorious. After carting a two-year-old, a wagon and three scooters to school we set out on our way home. The kids didn't complain about walking (because I carted their scooters) and there were zero fights on the way home ... I HAD to write this down or I would never believe that it actually happened.

We managed to get in a yummy snack and the kids headed downstairs- all four of them. The TV wasn't turned on, yet there was NO fighting. Now mind you, I had the fan on full tilt because the dog puked on the kitchen floor and I somehow managed to burn several inches of our stove top (so maybe I just couldn't hear the fighting)! The smells in our kitchen were atrocious, to say the least ... but that's not the real issue. 

Maybe it was the Patty Loveless CD they had blaring in the basement (we couldn't find the $85 Kidz Bop CD that has about three songs on it ... I am exaggerating, but the CD was a HUGE rip-off)! Maybe it was the fact that my four children haven't been able to get along for more than two minutes since school started in August ...

Whatever the reason, they were joyfully playing in the basement (again, at least from what I could hear). For a good hour and a half I was able to make dinner, do laundry, sort papers- it was magnificent. Several times, I debated, "Do I tell them how much I appreciate how well they are playing?"

Thoughts crossed my mind, "If I tell them, I might ruin a good thing," and "An interruption will only increase the chance for disaster to strike."

So, I waited.

The goodness came to an end as I called them all up for dinner. My hubby had to work late and there was no time to wait- activities continue regardless of dad's schedule. A fight, a major five-year-old tantrum and a mother throwing an adult temper tantrum is how we started our dinner. I instructed two kids to pray on their own and start eating while I tended to the tantrum (my daughter's that is) and wiped the tush of my two-year-old.

Once we all sat down I explained my joy for their playing so nicely. I ranted about how it all got ruined by the start of dinner. I hoped my lecturing would return the 'goodness' of earlier. I'm sure you're all keenly aware of how successful a lecture can be.

Dinner WAS not good. Smirks, laughs, spilled water, spewing food ... my adult temper tantrum returned. I vetoed dessert and got told by my oldest (she's eight), that I should, "Calm down." She encouraged me to take a few deep breaths or go take a break. Seriously? The funny thing about this is that my daughter was giving me darn good advice.

Now I wasn't over the top or out of control, but I was definitely over-reacting.

I waited. Why did I wait for the moment to pass and then drop the ball when good problem-solving could have occurred?

So here it is ... my #fridayfolly advice to you ... DON'T BE LIKE ME:) Don't wait!

Life's never going to be perfect. Amazing moments are never going to last forever. It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. We can make any moment great, IF WE CHOOSE TO! Don't wait to tell someone they are wonderful. Don't wait to thank someone for being amazing. Don't wait to give praise.

Be willing to seek out the good and appreciate it while it's present. When things go wrong, stay calm. Laugh a little, take a few deep breaths and think of the glorious saying, 'This too shall pass!'

Have a fabulous Friday. I hope it's not full of too many folly's (but if it is, just remember you're not alone in your screw-ups and 'it's okay' to need a do-over every once in a while)! 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Tuesday Tip: Be Thankful!

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

-Albert Schweitzer 

November is such a great month to remember to focus on our blessings; to be thankful for the things in life we typically take for granted. 

On the days I have a moment to scroll through Facebook, I am reminded by the many people in my life that taking time each day to mention something I am thankful for is critical for enjoyment.  The 30-day thankful challenge seems easy, until you force yourself to do it. Even one thanks a day can help keep the negative away.

The quote above is an excellent reminder that we will have times in our life, moments if you will, that we will be overwhelmed by the very idea of completing the daily tasks of living. You are not the only one that struggles. You are not alone in your moments of misery. Everyone out there is fighting some sort of battle (or 'funk' as I like to refer to them!).

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. 

This is definitely easier said than done. But when we are struggling; when things just don't go our way ... we must rely on the very blessings that are surrounding us. 

For many of us, we can recall the person or encounter that lifts us out of a dark place we tend to get stuck in. A friendly smile, a beer with a friend, a call from someone special ... it's the little blessings from our friends and confidants that bring us back to the light!

The good Lord provided us with a world full of tiny joys: flowers, rainbows, smiles, fresh cut lawn, the smell of cake baking, seasonal beauty, sunlight, stars ... an endless list of things to be thankful for. 

This Tuesday, take time to be thankful. When things seem dreary or the rain is pouring down, remember that after the rain comes the rainbow. Remember that soggy days slow you down. Slowing down for a day will give you time appreciate the little blessings that shine through even the darkest storm!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Marriage Monday: Talk With A Touch

"Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still." 

-Robert Sternberg

Last week I talked about the importance of communicating; of intentionally saying how you are feeling. This is a key and a must to make marriage work. 

However, a thing we don't talk openly enough about is intimacy. While this may not be a way to verbally communicate, there is no doubt that you talk to one another through touch. 

Now, we must first define intimacy. I'm not talking about rolling around in the sack six times a week ... let's be realistic (BUT, if this is true for you- WOW ... keep it up!)!

Intimacy comes over time. The butterflies that once fluttered from your tummy to your throat, almost choking you, disappear. Passion and attraction look different after a year, ten years or forty years down the road. 

We must make an effort. Tiny actions speak very loudly.

A hand on the small of your back as you enter a room. A smirk from across the way. A knowing wink. A peck after a long day at work. A long embrace. A head on your shoulder.

Talking through your touch is critical to keep a marriage fresh and young long after the 'newness' wears off. 

Last summer I was looking out my kitchen window. A neighbor lady down the road had bent down to pull out a weed. Her husband came from behind, grabbed her hips and only got started on pretending to do an inappropriate act for the whole neighborhood to see. I say he only got started because she popped up faster than the speed of light and turned around to whack him! Their smiles and laughs could be heard through our closed doors!

My obnoxious husband used to do this every time I put a dish in the dishwasher or picked up a towel off the floor. I'm sure his arms were sore from the amount of times he got hit. This sort of ridiculous play is what keeps the monotony of marriage a little more exciting. 

Bills, schedules, work, laundry, cleaning ... life gets boring. We can't let our marriage do the same. We must fight to keep it passionate long after the passion has faded. 

My friend reminded me this summer of a bad habit her husband picked up from mine ... when we used to fight and I'd get angry, he'd grab me and squeeze me over and over. Each time he squeezed me, he'd create a 'farting' sound effect in time to the beat of his squeezes. Mature- I know!

These little things have faded, but even writing about them bring a smile to my face. And, it takes me back to a simpler time when, years later, he randomly pulls them out (no pun intended-ha).

This week, don't let your married life be boring. Take time to talk through your touching. Play a little. Have fun! And remember, long after the passion fades, it's the comfort of your intimacy that will keep your marriage strong.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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Kindness Inspires Kindness!

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

-Aesop

I'm not much of a historian ... I can't remember facts to save my life. I wish I could use the excuse that my kids have sucked out all my braincells, but the truth is, I have just never been good at recalling history. 

I admit it- I had to look up Aesop. I knew he was important; I knew he was known for kindness- I just couldn't remember why!

Aesop was an ancient Greek storyteller who died in 564 BC and is known for his collection of Aesop's Fables. The man was talking about kindness before Christ was even alive. 

The Tortoise and the Hare is a story that I DO remember. It's one that was read to me as I grew up and one that was talked about throughout my school career. The Hare was not kind. The Hare underestimated the strengths of the tortoise, who was very different than he was.

Kindness is something I've been talking a lot about in my job at school. It's easy for me to preach about how important kindness is to young children. It's easy to say that kindness is what counts and that we should respect others; even if they are different. 

The fact of the matter is ... it's not always easy to be kind to those we don't understand. It's difficult to embrace the fact that others might not do things the same way we do. It's a challenge overcome the meanness that exists in this world. 

So, what do we do?

We embrace the fact that the only person we can control is our self. We choose to surround ourselves with people that fill our buckets rather then constantly dip out of them. 

I realized last that I am extremely kind and caring to almost everyone in my life ... except one of my children. It's not that I'm purposefully mean to her; I just have very little patience for her different view on life. I have very little time to deal with her spirit. I'm embarrassed to admit that I have become a squasher.

Squasher? I know this is not a real word, but it's my word. And, sadly, I admit that I often try to squash my daughter's spirit. 

While I may never come to truly know how my daughter sees life, I know that she sees it differently than I do. Her spirit for life is not confined to a box and does not fit in the parameters set for the norm.

This morning, I have a desire for a 'do-over'! You know those moments in life that you're not quite proud of your actions ... that you wish you could take back and re-do?

My philosophy is based around the fact that it's okay to mess-up. It's okay to not do it perfect. It's okay to be human!

So, tonight when I pick the kids up from school, I will keep kindness in the front of my mind. I will apologize for the crazy after-Halloween morning that we had. I will focus on the fact that when I am kind to others, most times, they will be kind back. I will check my emotions, my tone, my body language and my mean-mug looks!

Small gestures of kindness go a long way. Do what you can today and the days that follow to be kind to others. Know that kindness will not always exist and others will do the wrong thing. Even though this is true, we can still focus on being the best we can be!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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