As my husband and I were relaxing on the couch last night during one of our new favorite TV shows, an interesting car commercial came on. I think it was for an Acura, but I cannot be for certain. It showed a magnificent looking man coming out of his luxurious closet into his luxurious bedroom and then heading into his luxurious kitchen. He finally headed out of his luxurious house and got into the 'best' of all his luxuries ... his luxurious car. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Whose life is that luxurious? The commercial used the word like it was going out of style. And all I could think about was that his life is the complete opposite of mine. I can't name one luxurious item that could be found within this thing we call a home. I started thinking about our mini-van ... our five-year-old blue Honda with stained carpets, trash shoved in the driver's side door (this drives my husband crazy), random substances stuck in between the seats ... not really like the picture on the TV! And my house; my lived in and loved house. It has a story for every mark, every stain, every chip, every toy or colored paper that can be found. For goodness sakes, I'm happy if the house is picked up and the laundry is half-done! Again, this is so far from the luxurious house I saw on the TV last night.
Life is not luxurious. It is not neat. It is not always clean. It is not new (for more than a day or two). Life is tedious and daunting; dirty and messy. Life is runny noses and socks that don't match. Life is saggy (moms you know what I mean) and wrinkled and sometimes bald. Life is unread books stacked up by the nightstand and projects that go unfinished for years. Life is pants with holes and unshaven legs. Life is being down to the last roll of toilet paper (which happened in our house this morning!) and soap scum on the shower. Life is piles of papers and uncut lawns. Life does not and will not fit into a neat little gift-wrapped box.
It's okay. Life is not luxurious and that is okay. We weren't put on this earth to have the perfect life in the perfect house and to drive the perfect car. We weren't born into perfect families or have perfect friends. We can't expect that life will not have hiccups and bumps and major potholes. It will challenge us. It will drive us crazy. It will be difficult.
Knowing that life cannot and should not be luxurious is great in theory. But, it doesn't make our struggles any easier. There was a moment last night when I wished for the perfect house and the perfect car and the perfect life. There are moments when I'm scrolling on Facebook, that I get caught up in the pictures and wish for something better. I have to step back and realize that my life is pretty darn amazing. It's not perfect, but it doesn't have to be. The commercial I saw last night was not real. The things that I see on Facebook don't reveal the struggles behind the photos.
We have to live in our luxurious moments, not our luxurious life. We all have seconds or minutes or even hours where life seems perfect. They don't last, but they exist. They are still perfection in their own little snippet of time. We can't look at a lifetime as being luxurious, but rather enjoy the moments of luxury that come together to define our lives.
The stacks of papers will keep coming. The laundry will keep piling up. The trash in the car will continue to get stashed. The house will continue to get dirty. Relationships will continue to require work. Life will be life. But, it's up to us to embrace the luxury of moment. It's up to us to see the luxuries to do exist within our messy lives.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Thankful for Small Acts
Today I am thankful for so many things I usually take for granted. I am blessed with an amazing family that lives right here in town (and others that are at the reach of my phone). I have neighbors that are trustworthy, honest and that I am proud to call my friends. My children go to a school that is walking distance from our house that is full of tremendous teachers. The preschool that my daughter attends is like a second home (her teacher came to her party on Sunday!). My dear friends that live both in town and out are people that I can count on and enjoy more than I can stand.
Why? Why am I bringing this up today? Well, last night something happened that made me realize I have it pretty darn good. It all started with a small act of kindness by the woman behind the YMCA counter. As I approached her (running late for class and without a water bottle), I asked her if I could have a cup. I knew that I needed at least one glass of water since I don't know that I had drank any yesterday. Anyway, she informed me that you can't take cups into the workout rooms, but asked if I could wait a second. She went in the back and pulled out a water bottle. She gave it to me, free of charge and with a gleaming smile on her face! I was so thankful.
This started a little escapade of getting set up in a very full class. I ended up next to a woman who was taking the class for the first time. She was so excited. Friendly beyond belief and I have to add, had the most beautiful face. A short time into class she sat down and didn't look so well. I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She replied that she felt very dizzy. The teacher came over and then stepped out to grab the same woman that offered me my water bottle. She noticed that the woman looked disoriented and realized the woman did not know her name.
I helped get the woman on her feet and to the hallway. The ambulance was called because of her pain and disorientation. We realized in the meantime that her son was there with her. In trying to keep her awake, I started asking her a billion questions. I soon became aware that she and her son were on their own. That she had no emergency contact and could only think of one person to call and help her (to which she couldn't remember the number). I took the key that went to her locker and searched the locker room to find the right locker. Finally, her purse and phone were found in the hopes that she could get in touch with someone who could help her.
I went back in to finish class and then continued on with my night. I picked up my daughter from dance and then met my husband at scouts to pick up my two little ones so that he could finish up scouts with my son. You see we struggle to make it all happen and we have each other, as well as dozens of other people who can help us when we are in a bind. My mind started reeling ... how would this woman get home from the hospital? Who would help with her son if she has to stay over night? How would she get her car from the YMCA?
Well, I took my three little ladies and headed to the hospital to find out! It was a blessing I went. I was able to help on many levels. I'm blogging about this for one reason- I take so many blessings for granted EVERY SINGLE DAY. As I thought about what would have happened if it was me who got taken away by ambulance ... there would be at least 15 people I could call that would be there within minutes. By doing a small deed last night, I was reminded about how many people touch my life on a daily basis.
Small acts of kindness go a long way! Take time today to smile at someone sad. Or talk to the over-worked cashier. That bottle of water yesterday reminded me to pay it forward. You never know how much you can impact those around you or touch a saddened heart. You do make a difference. You are a powerful force! Here's to being thankful for the opportunities we have every day on this beautiful earth (even the days that are like winter in spring!).
Why? Why am I bringing this up today? Well, last night something happened that made me realize I have it pretty darn good. It all started with a small act of kindness by the woman behind the YMCA counter. As I approached her (running late for class and without a water bottle), I asked her if I could have a cup. I knew that I needed at least one glass of water since I don't know that I had drank any yesterday. Anyway, she informed me that you can't take cups into the workout rooms, but asked if I could wait a second. She went in the back and pulled out a water bottle. She gave it to me, free of charge and with a gleaming smile on her face! I was so thankful.
This started a little escapade of getting set up in a very full class. I ended up next to a woman who was taking the class for the first time. She was so excited. Friendly beyond belief and I have to add, had the most beautiful face. A short time into class she sat down and didn't look so well. I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She replied that she felt very dizzy. The teacher came over and then stepped out to grab the same woman that offered me my water bottle. She noticed that the woman looked disoriented and realized the woman did not know her name.
I helped get the woman on her feet and to the hallway. The ambulance was called because of her pain and disorientation. We realized in the meantime that her son was there with her. In trying to keep her awake, I started asking her a billion questions. I soon became aware that she and her son were on their own. That she had no emergency contact and could only think of one person to call and help her (to which she couldn't remember the number). I took the key that went to her locker and searched the locker room to find the right locker. Finally, her purse and phone were found in the hopes that she could get in touch with someone who could help her.
I went back in to finish class and then continued on with my night. I picked up my daughter from dance and then met my husband at scouts to pick up my two little ones so that he could finish up scouts with my son. You see we struggle to make it all happen and we have each other, as well as dozens of other people who can help us when we are in a bind. My mind started reeling ... how would this woman get home from the hospital? Who would help with her son if she has to stay over night? How would she get her car from the YMCA?
Well, I took my three little ladies and headed to the hospital to find out! It was a blessing I went. I was able to help on many levels. I'm blogging about this for one reason- I take so many blessings for granted EVERY SINGLE DAY. As I thought about what would have happened if it was me who got taken away by ambulance ... there would be at least 15 people I could call that would be there within minutes. By doing a small deed last night, I was reminded about how many people touch my life on a daily basis.
Small acts of kindness go a long way! Take time today to smile at someone sad. Or talk to the over-worked cashier. That bottle of water yesterday reminded me to pay it forward. You never know how much you can impact those around you or touch a saddened heart. You do make a difference. You are a powerful force! Here's to being thankful for the opportunities we have every day on this beautiful earth (even the days that are like winter in spring!).
Friday, April 19, 2013
Be Thankful For Those That Drive You The Most Crazy
At the end of my book is a section entitled, 'Final Thoughts.' This section is meant to wrap up my book and leave the reader with ten things I hope the book encourages them to think about. The very last one is 'Be thankful for those that drive you the most crazy.' I put this one in because I feel that it is the one I struggle with the most. And, yes, I am referring to one of my children.
That very child is turning five this weekend. Let me tell you a little about her ... this child has more zest and spirit than any other child I know. She is beautiful inside and out. From a very young age she exuded an independence and wealth of knowledge far beyond her years. She seemed to understand death, heaven and angels from the age of three. She is fiery and fun and creative and energetic and has no fear of life. She takes life by the horns and WILL not lose! She loves games and creative play and puzzles and reading and learning and, and, and! She is amazing.
Why, then, you might ask would I be writing about her in conjunction with being thankful for those that drive us most crazy. Well, that same spirit she has about life often conflicts with the norm. It goes against compliance and calmness and just being. She beats to her own drum and that drum is often NOT the one that I am playing.
I have been at home with my spirited child for the first time this year. We have had many challenging mornings. We have had too many battles to count. We have struggled. BUT, we have also achieved joy and magic and wonderful times. I would not trade this year with her for the world. I love her more than I can stand even though some days I can't stand her. How awkward and awful does that sound? Well, it's honest and it's 'real.' Isn't that what my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, is all about? Admitting to not having it all figured out.
This morning I walked in to my daughter's room to find her shades completely pulled up to the top. "It's a SUNNY day!" We have had cloud filled days for four out of this five-day week. And can you guess who is the type of kid to praise the sun? That's right. She notices the little things and finds joy around every corner. I was irritated the other day when we were about to cross the street to my children's school. She was not at my side like I had instructed. She was picking dandelions ... the first sign of spring. She was elated! And I was irritated. Why? So what if she doesn't follow my every command ... she's not that type of kid. But, she does appreciate simple beauty!
Her smile can be felt for miles. Her joy and love for people is so obvious. She doesn't hide behind my leg when I ask her to tell someone thank you- she runs up and knocks them over with a true thank you hug! Last night in the library, some man on crutches lost his receipt. I told her to go and let him know that he dropped it. She did it without losing a beat.
I don't want to squash her spirit. I don't want her to change. I need to change my views of the prim and proper way to do things. Life isn't clear cut. It's messy. She's willing to embrace that mess and love every minute of it. I sure could learn a lot from her!
This morning her very best friend and love of her life got to come over for a play date. There were no older siblings to ruin her time. There was no one interfering with the games she wanted to enjoy. I got to have a marvelous morning catching up with a friend, while she had the most amazing play date of the year. When her friend wrote her a text last night to ask if she wanted him to bring donuts, she quickly responded, "Yes, I want a chocolate one and I LOVE YOU!" I wanted to write something other than what she said (after all, it's kind of rude to demand a certain doughnut and not say please or thank you), but that's her. She meant it in the most loving way!
Today I am beyond thankful for the child of mine that drives me most crazy! I am so excited to have her celebrate her fifth birthday. I know our relationship will continue to have it's ups and downs. But, if I could take my own advice and just love her for who she is, our days will have more ups than I could imagine!
That very child is turning five this weekend. Let me tell you a little about her ... this child has more zest and spirit than any other child I know. She is beautiful inside and out. From a very young age she exuded an independence and wealth of knowledge far beyond her years. She seemed to understand death, heaven and angels from the age of three. She is fiery and fun and creative and energetic and has no fear of life. She takes life by the horns and WILL not lose! She loves games and creative play and puzzles and reading and learning and, and, and! She is amazing.
Why, then, you might ask would I be writing about her in conjunction with being thankful for those that drive us most crazy. Well, that same spirit she has about life often conflicts with the norm. It goes against compliance and calmness and just being. She beats to her own drum and that drum is often NOT the one that I am playing.
I have been at home with my spirited child for the first time this year. We have had many challenging mornings. We have had too many battles to count. We have struggled. BUT, we have also achieved joy and magic and wonderful times. I would not trade this year with her for the world. I love her more than I can stand even though some days I can't stand her. How awkward and awful does that sound? Well, it's honest and it's 'real.' Isn't that what my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, is all about? Admitting to not having it all figured out.
This morning I walked in to my daughter's room to find her shades completely pulled up to the top. "It's a SUNNY day!" We have had cloud filled days for four out of this five-day week. And can you guess who is the type of kid to praise the sun? That's right. She notices the little things and finds joy around every corner. I was irritated the other day when we were about to cross the street to my children's school. She was not at my side like I had instructed. She was picking dandelions ... the first sign of spring. She was elated! And I was irritated. Why? So what if she doesn't follow my every command ... she's not that type of kid. But, she does appreciate simple beauty!
Her smile can be felt for miles. Her joy and love for people is so obvious. She doesn't hide behind my leg when I ask her to tell someone thank you- she runs up and knocks them over with a true thank you hug! Last night in the library, some man on crutches lost his receipt. I told her to go and let him know that he dropped it. She did it without losing a beat.
I don't want to squash her spirit. I don't want her to change. I need to change my views of the prim and proper way to do things. Life isn't clear cut. It's messy. She's willing to embrace that mess and love every minute of it. I sure could learn a lot from her!
This morning her very best friend and love of her life got to come over for a play date. There were no older siblings to ruin her time. There was no one interfering with the games she wanted to enjoy. I got to have a marvelous morning catching up with a friend, while she had the most amazing play date of the year. When her friend wrote her a text last night to ask if she wanted him to bring donuts, she quickly responded, "Yes, I want a chocolate one and I LOVE YOU!" I wanted to write something other than what she said (after all, it's kind of rude to demand a certain doughnut and not say please or thank you), but that's her. She meant it in the most loving way!
Today I am beyond thankful for the child of mine that drives me most crazy! I am so excited to have her celebrate her fifth birthday. I know our relationship will continue to have it's ups and downs. But, if I could take my own advice and just love her for who she is, our days will have more ups than I could imagine!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Household Hazards
"Life is like laundry!" I believe I could be quoted saying this a few blogs back. Ironically, I had a true laundry moment that could sum up the life of a mother! Here it goes ...
I hope I am not the only one that will throw a load of laundry in (expecting to have it dried and folded by lunch), only to forget about it until the following night. Every time I swear this is not going to happen, I totally space that I put clothes in the washer or some catastrophe distracts me and the laundry sits yet again. The detergent company must love people like me; you know the ones who have to re-wash a load of laundry at least two times a month.
Well, not only do I have to re-wash clothes that have sat too long in the washer, but I am also guilty of turning the dryer on for the fourth time to de-wrinkle the clothes that have been stashed in the dryer for days. We don't really believe in ironing at our house, so if the clothes don't come hot out of the dryer, we would look more frazzled than we already are.
Last Friday we had invited four couples over with their children to have a long over-due get together. It was an excellent reason to clean up the house. I picked up the endless amounts of clutter and began my baby-wipe wipe down (don't judge ... they are way cheaper than the Clorox wipes and I am never out of them). Years ago I had to give up on my cleaning schedule where I miraculously had the house spotless (never cleaning the floors before the counters were clean ... never cleaning the floor without having washed the rugs first ... never cleaning the mirrors before the sinks so they didn't get water spots on them ... never vacuuming before dusting to avoid dirt getting back on the carpet) and just hope that a picked up house was clean enough for my friends.
Anyway, having these people over motivated me to not only clean up the clutter, but also get all the laundry washed, dried and put away. It was a wonderful burst of energy and caught me up enough that I figured I could stay on top of it this week. I have to put in a little plug about our get together ... 12 kids under eight and ten adults. It was fabulous. We had to stand to eat, eat only two bites at a time, later sit at a lemonade soaked table cloth, enjoy conversations in ten second increments before being interrupted ... but it was wonderful. There was about 30 uninterrupted minutes after dinner and dessert where the kids were all downstairs playing and the adults reminisced, laughed and got 'real' about raising a family, marriage and life in general!
Sorry to digress. So this week the laundry has been going well (I know it's only Tuesday). I had put in a load yesterday and then after one more load with a pee-soaked rug, we'd be all caught up again. But, I got distracted yesterday and forgot where I was at. Our dryer is a little under the weather (it has been for the last year) so we have to use two drying cycles for the clothes to be dry. I had a little time to fold last night but couldn't remember when I put the clothes in the dryer, so I turned it on for a drying cycle.
Oops, forgot to fold the clothes while they were hot, so decided I would wait until this morning to fold. This morning, I yet again, turned on the drying cycle so that our clothes would be wrinkle-free and was going to fold the clothes before gymnastics. My shower and getting the girls ready took longer than expected, so the clothes got left yet again. When I came home, I turned on the dryer for a third time and had hopes to fold the clothes before we left for preschool. NOPE! Didn't get it done then either. As a last ditch effort, I turned it on after I put my little one down for a nap. This time I just let the dryer heat up the clothes for about ten minutes before I went to get the laundry to fold. Surely with all the morning fluffing, the clothes wouldn't take long to de-wrinkle.
I opened the dryer ... and get this ... IT WAS EMPTY! Yep, I dried a phantom load of laundry four, yes four, times!
Have a great day!
I hope I am not the only one that will throw a load of laundry in (expecting to have it dried and folded by lunch), only to forget about it until the following night. Every time I swear this is not going to happen, I totally space that I put clothes in the washer or some catastrophe distracts me and the laundry sits yet again. The detergent company must love people like me; you know the ones who have to re-wash a load of laundry at least two times a month.
Well, not only do I have to re-wash clothes that have sat too long in the washer, but I am also guilty of turning the dryer on for the fourth time to de-wrinkle the clothes that have been stashed in the dryer for days. We don't really believe in ironing at our house, so if the clothes don't come hot out of the dryer, we would look more frazzled than we already are.
Last Friday we had invited four couples over with their children to have a long over-due get together. It was an excellent reason to clean up the house. I picked up the endless amounts of clutter and began my baby-wipe wipe down (don't judge ... they are way cheaper than the Clorox wipes and I am never out of them). Years ago I had to give up on my cleaning schedule where I miraculously had the house spotless (never cleaning the floors before the counters were clean ... never cleaning the floor without having washed the rugs first ... never cleaning the mirrors before the sinks so they didn't get water spots on them ... never vacuuming before dusting to avoid dirt getting back on the carpet) and just hope that a picked up house was clean enough for my friends.
Anyway, having these people over motivated me to not only clean up the clutter, but also get all the laundry washed, dried and put away. It was a wonderful burst of energy and caught me up enough that I figured I could stay on top of it this week. I have to put in a little plug about our get together ... 12 kids under eight and ten adults. It was fabulous. We had to stand to eat, eat only two bites at a time, later sit at a lemonade soaked table cloth, enjoy conversations in ten second increments before being interrupted ... but it was wonderful. There was about 30 uninterrupted minutes after dinner and dessert where the kids were all downstairs playing and the adults reminisced, laughed and got 'real' about raising a family, marriage and life in general!
Sorry to digress. So this week the laundry has been going well (I know it's only Tuesday). I had put in a load yesterday and then after one more load with a pee-soaked rug, we'd be all caught up again. But, I got distracted yesterday and forgot where I was at. Our dryer is a little under the weather (it has been for the last year) so we have to use two drying cycles for the clothes to be dry. I had a little time to fold last night but couldn't remember when I put the clothes in the dryer, so I turned it on for a drying cycle.
Oops, forgot to fold the clothes while they were hot, so decided I would wait until this morning to fold. This morning, I yet again, turned on the drying cycle so that our clothes would be wrinkle-free and was going to fold the clothes before gymnastics. My shower and getting the girls ready took longer than expected, so the clothes got left yet again. When I came home, I turned on the dryer for a third time and had hopes to fold the clothes before we left for preschool. NOPE! Didn't get it done then either. As a last ditch effort, I turned it on after I put my little one down for a nap. This time I just let the dryer heat up the clothes for about ten minutes before I went to get the laundry to fold. Surely with all the morning fluffing, the clothes wouldn't take long to de-wrinkle.
I opened the dryer ... and get this ... IT WAS EMPTY! Yep, I dried a phantom load of laundry four, yes four, times!
Have a great day!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
So Little ... So Wise
How is it that the little people in our lives know so much? Why is it that we struggle to answer their questions appropriately or with the answer that is just right? So many times we are caught off guard by the amazing thought processes our children have. Wouldn't life be amazing if we could see life through the eyes of a child. Wouldn't it be grand if we could shield our children from ever growing up to face the real life challenges that exist and that make us so darn boring?
It can be very humorous to recall the many moments our children have 'stumped' us. Definitely, in the moment, we are not as amused as later, but these little people may know the trick to living a purpose filled life. They may actually be smarter than we are on so many different levels. We are constantly telling our children to be honest and upfront. Yet, we are also asking them not to say the truth if it really hurts someone else. How complicated is that?
Yesterday, my husband and I were laughing about a night that stumped us many years and two kids ago. It was a night that after working we were both exhausted. We had two children at the time; our oldest was three and our other one was almost two. I was pregnant with our third child and the only dinner out that I wanted was Valentino's. So ... giving the pregnant mama what she wanted, off to Valentino's we headed.
At a table not too far from ours were two women. They seemed to have the attire of what we might refer to as 'biker chicks'. I feel bad saying that because to be honest, I don't know what they would have referred to themselves as. That cliche may be offensive and if it is, I apologize. Anyway, one of them looked more masculine than the other. I'm all for differences and it didn't bother me in the slightest. It did, however, confuse our almost two-year-old.
He started asking very loudly, "Why does that man have long hair?" We tried to explain quietly that it wasn't a man, but a woman and that we all look different in our own way. Our near two-year-old was anything but satisfied. He seemed to let it go for the moment while we enjoyed our pizza and spaghetti. When it was time for dessert, we had to walk by the table of women yet again and he must have gotten reminded of the nagging question that did not get answered sufficiently. So again, just as my husband and son walked by their table, he asked his question again very aggressively. "DAD, WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE LONG HAIR?"
We seemed to still be uncomfortable with our parenting experience at the time and so my husband acted as if he didn't hear his son, scooped him up and carried him to the ice cream. He distracted him beautifully and walked a different way to get back to our table. He then moved his chair (so his back was to the woman) so that my son would not be reminded to ask his question again.
I share this story because my son had a good question. He was confused about a 'norm' that he had understood. His question did not have to be offensive. At this point in my parenting, I would feel comfortable to apologize to the woman and let her know that he wasn't familiar with woman who ride motorcycles and let her know how sorry I was that he called her a man. But, instead of doing the right thing, I let my son's terribly honest question embarrass my husband and I. We looked even more rude by just avoiding the very obvious question my son was shouting.
Life is not black and white. It is a mixture of every shade of gray. While this fact is difficult to teach our growing children, it may not be as difficult as we think. Instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations, sometimes we just need to tackle them head on. If we are upfront and honest about our feelings; our embarrassment, guilt, judgment and inadequacy, aren't we teaching our children the most valuable lesson of all? Many times when we avoid our children's questions, we leave them with a skewed perspective. Answering honestly might mean that sometimes we have to admit that we don't know it all. That we aren't sure why things are the way they are. That life is more complicated than we can explain. That only the good Lord up above knows the very reason why things are the way they are.
So, for today, I will try to upfront and honest with my children. I will try not to let uncomfortable moments beat me. After all, learning to deal with the little people that are so wise will help me continue to grow and learn. My dad has been quoted saying, "My kids did a good job of raising me!"
Little people are wise beyond their years. Why don't we laugh more? Why don't we get dirty or jump in the rain puddles. Why can't we let loose a little just to see what fun we can have? In order to answer that, we have to get uncomfortable. We have to step out of the little box that defines us. It's certainly not easy and not something we can change overnight. Baby steps ... that's all anyone can ask!
Chapter six in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, is entitled, 'So Little ... So Wise'. It has stories about a kid asking what a condom is to a child pleading with his mother not to eat his snack while he is in bed. The stories are the 'real' truth about the things in life these little people are willing to ask. Don't miss these great stories and many more. Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more today!
It can be very humorous to recall the many moments our children have 'stumped' us. Definitely, in the moment, we are not as amused as later, but these little people may know the trick to living a purpose filled life. They may actually be smarter than we are on so many different levels. We are constantly telling our children to be honest and upfront. Yet, we are also asking them not to say the truth if it really hurts someone else. How complicated is that?
Yesterday, my husband and I were laughing about a night that stumped us many years and two kids ago. It was a night that after working we were both exhausted. We had two children at the time; our oldest was three and our other one was almost two. I was pregnant with our third child and the only dinner out that I wanted was Valentino's. So ... giving the pregnant mama what she wanted, off to Valentino's we headed.
At a table not too far from ours were two women. They seemed to have the attire of what we might refer to as 'biker chicks'. I feel bad saying that because to be honest, I don't know what they would have referred to themselves as. That cliche may be offensive and if it is, I apologize. Anyway, one of them looked more masculine than the other. I'm all for differences and it didn't bother me in the slightest. It did, however, confuse our almost two-year-old.
He started asking very loudly, "Why does that man have long hair?" We tried to explain quietly that it wasn't a man, but a woman and that we all look different in our own way. Our near two-year-old was anything but satisfied. He seemed to let it go for the moment while we enjoyed our pizza and spaghetti. When it was time for dessert, we had to walk by the table of women yet again and he must have gotten reminded of the nagging question that did not get answered sufficiently. So again, just as my husband and son walked by their table, he asked his question again very aggressively. "DAD, WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE LONG HAIR?"
We seemed to still be uncomfortable with our parenting experience at the time and so my husband acted as if he didn't hear his son, scooped him up and carried him to the ice cream. He distracted him beautifully and walked a different way to get back to our table. He then moved his chair (so his back was to the woman) so that my son would not be reminded to ask his question again.
I share this story because my son had a good question. He was confused about a 'norm' that he had understood. His question did not have to be offensive. At this point in my parenting, I would feel comfortable to apologize to the woman and let her know that he wasn't familiar with woman who ride motorcycles and let her know how sorry I was that he called her a man. But, instead of doing the right thing, I let my son's terribly honest question embarrass my husband and I. We looked even more rude by just avoiding the very obvious question my son was shouting.
Life is not black and white. It is a mixture of every shade of gray. While this fact is difficult to teach our growing children, it may not be as difficult as we think. Instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations, sometimes we just need to tackle them head on. If we are upfront and honest about our feelings; our embarrassment, guilt, judgment and inadequacy, aren't we teaching our children the most valuable lesson of all? Many times when we avoid our children's questions, we leave them with a skewed perspective. Answering honestly might mean that sometimes we have to admit that we don't know it all. That we aren't sure why things are the way they are. That life is more complicated than we can explain. That only the good Lord up above knows the very reason why things are the way they are.
So, for today, I will try to upfront and honest with my children. I will try not to let uncomfortable moments beat me. After all, learning to deal with the little people that are so wise will help me continue to grow and learn. My dad has been quoted saying, "My kids did a good job of raising me!"
Little people are wise beyond their years. Why don't we laugh more? Why don't we get dirty or jump in the rain puddles. Why can't we let loose a little just to see what fun we can have? In order to answer that, we have to get uncomfortable. We have to step out of the little box that defines us. It's certainly not easy and not something we can change overnight. Baby steps ... that's all anyone can ask!
Chapter six in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, is entitled, 'So Little ... So Wise'. It has stories about a kid asking what a condom is to a child pleading with his mother not to eat his snack while he is in bed. The stories are the 'real' truth about the things in life these little people are willing to ask. Don't miss these great stories and many more. Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more today!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Parent Confessionals
I need to confess ...
The last chapter in my book is entitled, 'Parent Confessionals.' It highlights mistakes that parents have made that they have to get off their chest in the hopes that they can let go of some of their feelings of guilt, inadequacy or judgment. The very last story in the chapter is one that was submitted by me about my failure as the Tooth Fairy. It's all about the how I tried to start a tradition that was different and was our own.
The Tooth Fairy that visits our house has screwed up royally for my oldest daughter. Not only is she confused, but at times a little devastated. The story in the book talks about how I went from dollars to a unique coin combination to an over-elaborate letter to just not knowing what the hell to leave for a damn tooth. Since I published the book, I have made yet two more errors. Let me try to recount my last two errors and please know that this morning was the topper and I definitely lost Parent of the Year AGAIN!
So my son finally lost his first tooth last month. The first tooth is supposed to be a big deal. My oldest daughter got a $5 bill for her first tooth and assured her brother he would get the same (please note we do NOT give $5 for every tooth ... just the first!). As I went to find a $5 bill to put under his pillow, I could not find one anywhere. It was well after 11:00 pm and I didn't feel like driving to a gas station to conjure up this bill. So ... five $1 bills would have to do. My son was ecstatic but my daughter was stumped. She didn't understand why he would get five $1 bills and not just a $5 bill. She seemed to let it go after a day or two, but I could tell it was eating at her. We convinced her that maybe the Tooth Fairy wanted to do something different for her brother, that she was out of $5 bills or that he possibly had a different Tooth Fairy.
My daughter didn't want to believe that he had a different Fairy because in the ridiculous elaborate letter that was written to her by her Tooth Fairy, she stated that she was really going to try to be the Tooth Fairy for all the kids in our house. So ... I blew it yet again.
Well, this morning was the topper. My daughter came up in tears. She was devastated. She was emotionally distraught. The Tooth Fairy DIDN'T COME! Yes, you heard it right ... I FORGOT to leave my daughter anything under her pillow last night. Talk about screwing up. More lies began to be told (the story in the book is titled 'Inconceivable Lies' because I have been unable to keep up with all my darn lying).
"Maybe she didn't know you moved rooms." My daughter agreed that this could be it. But, still more tears came. "Maybe she got caught in the ice storm last night." My four-year-old assured her sister that the Tooth Fairies wings would freeze and she wouldn't be able to fly. "Maybe she couldn't find your tooth under your three pillows." This one didn't sit well with her since the Tooth Fairy is supposed to know everything.
Anyway, more lies! So, I did what all desperate moms would do. After my daughter went to school (I had her calmed down by this time and ready to enjoy her day), I googled a u-tube video on how to make origami hearts out of dollar bills. If nothing else, my thought was that I could distract her with my amazing folding skills. After watching the video for the third time (I might add that I continued to get Parent of the Year because my two youngest children were being babysat by the TV while I tried to fix my latest blunder), I finally had a menial heart. I made two of them in an attempt to make up for the 'forgotten' night. I then crafted a letter on the computer about the ice storm that kept the Tooth Fairy away and how I hoped my origami hearts made her feel better. I threw in a P.S. about how cool her new room was to try and make her smile! Oh, and then I folded the letter into a heart as well (I may have over-done it yet again).
Well, there you have it. I told more lies today. I am confessing my sins to all of you in the hopes that this event really is okay! I should take my own advice. I'm not perfect, I screw up daily, I make mistakes ... and, It's Okay. If nothing else, we have a new Tooth Fairy tradition. She will leave heart shaped dollars from now on! Maybe I can earn back 'Parent of the Moment' since I am sure to have lost 'Parent of the Year' again for about the third day in a row! It's okay.
Have anything you need to confess? Want to add a story to my next book, That's Okay Too: More Real Stories About This Thing We Call Parenting? You can e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com or visit my 'share your story' tab on my website, www.itsokaybooks.com!
The last chapter in my book is entitled, 'Parent Confessionals.' It highlights mistakes that parents have made that they have to get off their chest in the hopes that they can let go of some of their feelings of guilt, inadequacy or judgment. The very last story in the chapter is one that was submitted by me about my failure as the Tooth Fairy. It's all about the how I tried to start a tradition that was different and was our own.
The Tooth Fairy that visits our house has screwed up royally for my oldest daughter. Not only is she confused, but at times a little devastated. The story in the book talks about how I went from dollars to a unique coin combination to an over-elaborate letter to just not knowing what the hell to leave for a damn tooth. Since I published the book, I have made yet two more errors. Let me try to recount my last two errors and please know that this morning was the topper and I definitely lost Parent of the Year AGAIN!
So my son finally lost his first tooth last month. The first tooth is supposed to be a big deal. My oldest daughter got a $5 bill for her first tooth and assured her brother he would get the same (please note we do NOT give $5 for every tooth ... just the first!). As I went to find a $5 bill to put under his pillow, I could not find one anywhere. It was well after 11:00 pm and I didn't feel like driving to a gas station to conjure up this bill. So ... five $1 bills would have to do. My son was ecstatic but my daughter was stumped. She didn't understand why he would get five $1 bills and not just a $5 bill. She seemed to let it go after a day or two, but I could tell it was eating at her. We convinced her that maybe the Tooth Fairy wanted to do something different for her brother, that she was out of $5 bills or that he possibly had a different Tooth Fairy.
My daughter didn't want to believe that he had a different Fairy because in the ridiculous elaborate letter that was written to her by her Tooth Fairy, she stated that she was really going to try to be the Tooth Fairy for all the kids in our house. So ... I blew it yet again.
Well, this morning was the topper. My daughter came up in tears. She was devastated. She was emotionally distraught. The Tooth Fairy DIDN'T COME! Yes, you heard it right ... I FORGOT to leave my daughter anything under her pillow last night. Talk about screwing up. More lies began to be told (the story in the book is titled 'Inconceivable Lies' because I have been unable to keep up with all my darn lying).
"Maybe she didn't know you moved rooms." My daughter agreed that this could be it. But, still more tears came. "Maybe she got caught in the ice storm last night." My four-year-old assured her sister that the Tooth Fairies wings would freeze and she wouldn't be able to fly. "Maybe she couldn't find your tooth under your three pillows." This one didn't sit well with her since the Tooth Fairy is supposed to know everything.
Anyway, more lies! So, I did what all desperate moms would do. After my daughter went to school (I had her calmed down by this time and ready to enjoy her day), I googled a u-tube video on how to make origami hearts out of dollar bills. If nothing else, my thought was that I could distract her with my amazing folding skills. After watching the video for the third time (I might add that I continued to get Parent of the Year because my two youngest children were being babysat by the TV while I tried to fix my latest blunder), I finally had a menial heart. I made two of them in an attempt to make up for the 'forgotten' night. I then crafted a letter on the computer about the ice storm that kept the Tooth Fairy away and how I hoped my origami hearts made her feel better. I threw in a P.S. about how cool her new room was to try and make her smile! Oh, and then I folded the letter into a heart as well (I may have over-done it yet again).
Well, there you have it. I told more lies today. I am confessing my sins to all of you in the hopes that this event really is okay! I should take my own advice. I'm not perfect, I screw up daily, I make mistakes ... and, It's Okay. If nothing else, we have a new Tooth Fairy tradition. She will leave heart shaped dollars from now on! Maybe I can earn back 'Parent of the Moment' since I am sure to have lost 'Parent of the Year' again for about the third day in a row! It's okay.
Have anything you need to confess? Want to add a story to my next book, That's Okay Too: More Real Stories About This Thing We Call Parenting? You can e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com or visit my 'share your story' tab on my website, www.itsokaybooks.com!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
'Til Death Do Us Part ... At Least Before We Had Kids
Oh, marriage. Isn't it amazing, glorious and downright perfect? Ha, ha ... ha, ha, ha! Marriage is hard. Marriage is frustrating. Marriage is a LOT of work. If we are going to get 'real' about marriage, it is safe to say that some days we are not going to like our spouse. Is that okay? Absolutely. You can't possibly think that being with someone day in and day out, year after year can be all roses. It's okay that some days your spouse will drive you mad. It's okay that some days you will wish for time away. It's okay. In the end, you still love your spouse more than life itself. The world needs to realize that marriage isn't supposed to be perfect. If we embrace that fact, we might enjoy the disasters that plague our married life occasionally!
So, knowing that marriage is hard and not perfect is one thing. It's a whole other ball game to introduce children into the mix. Being married with children creates sleep deprived, sex deprived, crabby, angry individuals who are supposed to love each other until death do them part. Children complicate an already difficult challenge and how on earth are married folks supposed to be happy in love when some days are downright miserable.
One of the chapters in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, addresses the challenge of being married and having kids. It mocks the idea that becoming pregnant or trying to adopt and then raising those very beings is an easy task. The stories in the book highlight how pregnancy changes a woman (not just her body, but also her emotions) and what that does the to relationship between the couple.
My favorite story that I shared in the book is about the night that I came home to my husband eating the crumbs out of a Dorito bag. No biggie, right? WRONG. I had been thinking about those last few chips all day and the jerk had every last crumb sliding down his rotten throat. Saying I broke down is an understatement. Sobs and giant, hot tears came out of the over-sized version of myself. It was ridiculous- but it was what my husband had to deal with when I was pregnant!
Yesterday I blogged about being deprived of sleep. I mentioned that sometimes we do it to ourselves. Well, last night, my husband and I were up until 1:00am. We talked for hours about life and work and the future. Can I tell you how long it has been since we just talked like adults without little people interrupting our every thought or without our phones glued to our faces? It was amazing. We love our crazy house of six, but some days, we miss just being able to be married. We miss being able to go out on date nights without stressing about a sitter. We miss being able to sleep in until noon together. We miss being able to take a trip on a whim because we feel like it. We miss all those things, but wouldn't trade our children for the world.
So, today I am tired. Well, I am exhausted. But, hanging out with my husband and pretending for a few hours that life is all good, was well worth my sagging eyes and the four cups of coffee I have had to wake myself up! For one night there was no whining, no fighting on our end, no stress about what the next day would bring! I'm lucky to stuck with my husband until death do us part (even though some days I'm not going to like him)!
My next book will be entitled, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage. I can't wait for people to contribute the ridiculous that happen in a marriage (the annoyances, the fights, the parenting style differences, etc.). Society today has made divorce an easy out. This book will let people know that it's okay, even normal, to struggle through a marriage. It will help people see that if you stick with it, work at it, and love the heck out of your spouse, it will all be okay. If you have a good story, e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com. Don't miss your chance to share your story and help others. No names are used in the stories and you can earn yourself a free book when it is released!
So, knowing that marriage is hard and not perfect is one thing. It's a whole other ball game to introduce children into the mix. Being married with children creates sleep deprived, sex deprived, crabby, angry individuals who are supposed to love each other until death do them part. Children complicate an already difficult challenge and how on earth are married folks supposed to be happy in love when some days are downright miserable.
One of the chapters in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, addresses the challenge of being married and having kids. It mocks the idea that becoming pregnant or trying to adopt and then raising those very beings is an easy task. The stories in the book highlight how pregnancy changes a woman (not just her body, but also her emotions) and what that does the to relationship between the couple.
My favorite story that I shared in the book is about the night that I came home to my husband eating the crumbs out of a Dorito bag. No biggie, right? WRONG. I had been thinking about those last few chips all day and the jerk had every last crumb sliding down his rotten throat. Saying I broke down is an understatement. Sobs and giant, hot tears came out of the over-sized version of myself. It was ridiculous- but it was what my husband had to deal with when I was pregnant!
Yesterday I blogged about being deprived of sleep. I mentioned that sometimes we do it to ourselves. Well, last night, my husband and I were up until 1:00am. We talked for hours about life and work and the future. Can I tell you how long it has been since we just talked like adults without little people interrupting our every thought or without our phones glued to our faces? It was amazing. We love our crazy house of six, but some days, we miss just being able to be married. We miss being able to go out on date nights without stressing about a sitter. We miss being able to sleep in until noon together. We miss being able to take a trip on a whim because we feel like it. We miss all those things, but wouldn't trade our children for the world.
So, today I am tired. Well, I am exhausted. But, hanging out with my husband and pretending for a few hours that life is all good, was well worth my sagging eyes and the four cups of coffee I have had to wake myself up! For one night there was no whining, no fighting on our end, no stress about what the next day would bring! I'm lucky to stuck with my husband until death do us part (even though some days I'm not going to like him)!
My next book will be entitled, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage. I can't wait for people to contribute the ridiculous that happen in a marriage (the annoyances, the fights, the parenting style differences, etc.). Society today has made divorce an easy out. This book will let people know that it's okay, even normal, to struggle through a marriage. It will help people see that if you stick with it, work at it, and love the heck out of your spouse, it will all be okay. If you have a good story, e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com. Don't miss your chance to share your story and help others. No names are used in the stories and you can earn yourself a free book when it is released!
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