So Little ... So Wise

How is it that the little people in our lives know so much?  Why is it that we struggle to answer their questions appropriately or with the answer that is just right?  So many times we are caught off guard by the amazing thought processes our children have.  Wouldn't life be amazing if we could see life through the eyes of a child.  Wouldn't it be grand if we could shield our children from ever growing up to face the real life challenges that exist and that make us so darn boring? 

It can be very humorous to recall the many moments our children have 'stumped' us.  Definitely, in the moment, we are not as amused as later, but these little people may know the trick to living a purpose filled life.  They may actually be smarter than we are on so many different levels.  We are constantly telling our children to be honest and upfront.  Yet, we are also asking them not to say the truth if it really hurts someone else.  How complicated is that? 

Yesterday, my husband and I were laughing about a night that stumped us many years and two kids ago.  It was a night that after working we were both exhausted.  We had two children at the time; our oldest was three and our other one was almost two.  I was pregnant with our third child and the only dinner out that I wanted was Valentino's.  So ... giving the pregnant mama what she wanted, off to Valentino's we headed.

At a table not too far from ours were two women.  They seemed to have the attire of what we might refer to as 'biker chicks'.  I feel bad saying that because to be honest, I don't know what they would have referred to themselves as.  That cliche may be offensive and if it is, I apologize.  Anyway, one of them looked more masculine than the other.  I'm all for differences and it didn't bother me in the slightest.  It did, however, confuse our almost two-year-old.

He started asking very loudly, "Why does that man have long hair?"  We tried to explain quietly that it wasn't a man, but a woman and that we all look different in our own way.  Our near two-year-old was anything but satisfied.  He seemed to let it go for the moment while we enjoyed our pizza and spaghetti.  When it was time for dessert, we had to walk by the table of women yet again and he must have gotten reminded of the nagging question that did not get answered sufficiently.  So again, just as my husband and son walked by their table, he asked his question again very aggressively.  "DAD, WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE LONG HAIR?"

We seemed to still be uncomfortable with our parenting experience at the time and so my husband acted as if he didn't hear his son, scooped him up and carried him to the ice cream.  He distracted him beautifully and walked a different way to get back to our table.  He then moved his chair (so his back was to the woman) so that my son would not be reminded to ask his question again. 

I share this story because my son had a good question.  He was confused about a 'norm' that he had understood.  His question did not have to be offensive.  At this point in my parenting, I would feel comfortable to apologize to the woman and let her know that he wasn't familiar with woman who ride motorcycles and let her know how sorry I was that he called her a man.  But, instead of doing the right thing, I let my son's terribly honest question embarrass my husband and I.  We looked even more rude by just avoiding the very obvious question my son was shouting. 

Life is not black and white.  It is a mixture of every shade of gray.  While this fact is difficult to teach our growing children, it may not be as difficult as we think.  Instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations, sometimes we just need to tackle them head on.  If we are upfront and honest about our feelings; our embarrassment, guilt, judgment and inadequacy, aren't we teaching our children the most valuable lesson of all?  Many times when we avoid our children's questions, we leave them with a skewed perspective.  Answering honestly might mean that sometimes we have to admit that we don't know it all.  That we aren't sure why things are the way they are.  That life is more complicated than we can explain.  That only the good Lord up above knows the very reason why things are the way they are.

So, for today, I will try to upfront and honest with my children.  I will try not to let uncomfortable moments beat me.  After all, learning to deal with the little people that are so wise will help me continue to grow and learn.  My dad has been quoted saying, "My kids did a good job of raising me!" 

Little people are wise beyond their years.  Why don't we laugh more?  Why don't we get dirty or jump in the rain puddles.  Why can't we let loose a little just to see what fun we can have?  In order to answer that, we have to get uncomfortable.  We have to step out of the little box that defines us.  It's certainly not easy and not something we can change overnight.  Baby steps ... that's all anyone can ask!

Chapter six in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, is entitled, 'So Little ... So Wise'.  It has stories about a kid asking what a condom is to a child pleading with his mother not to eat his snack while he is in bed.  The stories are the 'real' truth about the things in life these little people are willing to ask.  Don't miss these great stories and many more.  Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more today!