Points to Ponder #9- Balance is the key ... but, what's yours?
Seriously, how often have you heard that you need to find a balance? Whether you are talking about family, work, health, money, relationships, etc., the key is always to find a good balance. If only it were really that easy. There are times in life when everything seems to be in sync; when you feel as though you have enough of everything and nothing is throwing you out of whack. BUT, let's be honest, those times are very rare. Those times don't last longer than a month or two, heck, sometimes even a day or two. And then the rest of the weeks or months or years you feel like a circus dog trying to run in a circular ball that never stops spinning.
I like to compare life to laundry. It seems that every once in a while, every dirty piece of laundry is clean, folded and put away. In that rare moment, you feel like you can handle life, like things aren't that bad and the dirty laundry wasn't that hard to get under control. You feel that way until just a short time later when your child wets the bed or spills a class of juice all over the table cloth or walks through the largest mud pile you've ever seen. Even if one of those normal things don't happen, later in that same day that all the laundry was complete, you look in the baskets that live in the various spots in your home, and they all seem to be full. What? Just hours before EVERYTHING was clean. That's how life is. As soon as you feel like you've got this thing called life figured out, something changes or something happens that throws you for a major loop.
So, balance is definitely the key. But, you can't look at what others say is a balanced life. You have to look at your own needs, your own wants and your own issues. We all have these things ... needs, wants and issues. And they all affect us in different ways. If we take time to examine our lives and figure out what makes us feel complete, we can start to achieve a small sense of balance in our lives. The struggle is that our needs, wants and issues are constantly changing just as the world constantly moves. Not to mention the fact that if you are in a family, you have to also consider the needs, wants and issues of everyone living in your home or in the family that you care for outside of your home.
I have come to the conclusion that balance is really just a juggling act. Its about who can have the most balls in the air and manage them without letting them hit the ground. We all do it differently. Some are able to do it with more grace. But, the bottom line is ... if you can manage the balls minute after minute, possibly day after day, and sometimes (thankfully) year after year, then you have some balance in your life.
Don't be so hard on yourself when you have a dirty house, a squabble with your spouse, a car that looks like you live in it, a workout that didn't get complete, a budget that went a little over last month, an extra beer that left you with a morning headache ... life is hard. Do the best the can you can with what you have to work with and with as much force as you have day after day. That's really all anyone can ask of you and your balance.
Good luck!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
You Can Be A Powerful Force
Points to Ponder #8- You can be a powerful force
We sometimes feel so small and insignificant. We can easily talk ourselves into believing that we don't make a difference. The things that rattle around in our brain can cause us to think we are not important to others. Things like, "No one will notice if I'm there or not," or "Why should I even go, they don't need me." We make excuse after excuse about how we are not worthy, how others can do it better and how our worth isn't as important as others.
STOP! You are important. You DO make a difference. Every where you go, every person you see, every job you do ... it can and should be meaningful. Even just a trip to the grocery story can impact a handful of people. Your smile or kind word might be the only thing a person needed to turn his/her day around. Your kind gesture could cause a ripple effect of random acts of kindness all over your city. You and you alone, need to decide that you DO make a difference; that your presence IS needed.
It is unbelievable how much power we have as people. We can light someone up like a firecracker going off. We can make someone feel on top of the world. BUT, we can also blow out the only dim light that may have been present in a soul. While we need to believe that we are important and can make a difference, we also have to realize that our difference may not be a good one. Yesterday I blogged about my sour mood. It is safe to say that I blew out my husband's flame, as well as the flame that might have been lit in all my children. I realized though at lunchtime how big a difference I DO make and was able to turn my day around!
Last week, I was helping my daughter sell GirlScout cookies at a booth. A man was leaving and debating whether or not to purchase from these adorable little girls. He stopped and said, "You know, I don't need any cookies, but here's money for a box. Tell the next person walking by that he/she gets a free box of cookies." The little girls were blown away. That man's free box turned in over 10 people paying it forward. He made such a difference ... all for $3.50. Not only did he affect multiple people in the store that day, but he taught my daughter a most valuable lesson first hand. She saw the great impact that a small gesture can make!
You DO make a difference. Never believe that you don't. But, remember to be careful with your power and use it in the most positive way you can!
We sometimes feel so small and insignificant. We can easily talk ourselves into believing that we don't make a difference. The things that rattle around in our brain can cause us to think we are not important to others. Things like, "No one will notice if I'm there or not," or "Why should I even go, they don't need me." We make excuse after excuse about how we are not worthy, how others can do it better and how our worth isn't as important as others.
STOP! You are important. You DO make a difference. Every where you go, every person you see, every job you do ... it can and should be meaningful. Even just a trip to the grocery story can impact a handful of people. Your smile or kind word might be the only thing a person needed to turn his/her day around. Your kind gesture could cause a ripple effect of random acts of kindness all over your city. You and you alone, need to decide that you DO make a difference; that your presence IS needed.
It is unbelievable how much power we have as people. We can light someone up like a firecracker going off. We can make someone feel on top of the world. BUT, we can also blow out the only dim light that may have been present in a soul. While we need to believe that we are important and can make a difference, we also have to realize that our difference may not be a good one. Yesterday I blogged about my sour mood. It is safe to say that I blew out my husband's flame, as well as the flame that might have been lit in all my children. I realized though at lunchtime how big a difference I DO make and was able to turn my day around!
Last week, I was helping my daughter sell GirlScout cookies at a booth. A man was leaving and debating whether or not to purchase from these adorable little girls. He stopped and said, "You know, I don't need any cookies, but here's money for a box. Tell the next person walking by that he/she gets a free box of cookies." The little girls were blown away. That man's free box turned in over 10 people paying it forward. He made such a difference ... all for $3.50. Not only did he affect multiple people in the store that day, but he taught my daughter a most valuable lesson first hand. She saw the great impact that a small gesture can make!
You DO make a difference. Never believe that you don't. But, remember to be careful with your power and use it in the most positive way you can!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I Digress ...
My points to ponder are taking a break today ... I must digress to discuss 'sour moods' and how they spoil not only your day, but also the day of everyone around you. So, my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, focuses on how no one leads the perfect life and we should get 'real' about the struggles that consume our hearts. And, really, I believe this. I believe we should be open and honest about our struggles, our hardships and our mistakes. BUT, I do not believe that means we should spoil everyone's day around us just because we are having a mood. And, today ... I did. My mood this morning was enough to destroy anyone's happy day.
Why? Why can I so easily express to others how we need to move on from the mistakes that we make, from the madness we are in and not feel bad about it? Yet, I get caught up in my own world (that really isn't all that bad), and I produce enough self-loathing that I ruin my day, my husband's day and my children's day. No one destroyed my morning, but ME. I was the very person who could have just counted my blessings and been thankful for the time we had, but instead, my tone and negative attitude took over and made everyone miserable.
So, it's just after lunch. I decided to take a break from writing my points to ponder to piggy-back off the topic I talked about yesterday; we all have good days. So, I'm not having the greatest day. But, it's really not that bad. I mean, I can't even find one thing to complain about. My mood is really the only thing getting in the way of enjoying the rest of the day, the sun-filled afternoon, the evening I get to spend out with a friend (after my kiddos are sleeping)! I'm going to take my advice from yesterday and turn my bad day around.
Two things that weren't really THAT bad this morning ... my two older kids did wonderful while their sister was in gymnastics (I'll leave our the part where my one-year-old who looks like a three-year-old assaulted an 11-month-old just learning how to walk) and we got to have lunch with my husband (I will also leave out the disastrous trip to the work cafeteria where six of us were trying to order, pay, carry trays of food, etc.). So there were two things. And five things I am thankful for ... the sun is shining today, my puppy's foot is feeling better, I get to catch up with an old friend tonight, I am going to enjoy an afternoon cup of coffee with amazing creamer and my family is healthy!
Well ... thank you blog for my afternoon therapy. I feel a million times better. It's okay that I had a sour mood this morning. It's okay that I wasn't the nicest mom or wife in the world. We all make mistakes. We all have rough days. And, hey, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day and leave my sour attitude in the dust!
Why? Why can I so easily express to others how we need to move on from the mistakes that we make, from the madness we are in and not feel bad about it? Yet, I get caught up in my own world (that really isn't all that bad), and I produce enough self-loathing that I ruin my day, my husband's day and my children's day. No one destroyed my morning, but ME. I was the very person who could have just counted my blessings and been thankful for the time we had, but instead, my tone and negative attitude took over and made everyone miserable.
So, it's just after lunch. I decided to take a break from writing my points to ponder to piggy-back off the topic I talked about yesterday; we all have good days. So, I'm not having the greatest day. But, it's really not that bad. I mean, I can't even find one thing to complain about. My mood is really the only thing getting in the way of enjoying the rest of the day, the sun-filled afternoon, the evening I get to spend out with a friend (after my kiddos are sleeping)! I'm going to take my advice from yesterday and turn my bad day around.
Two things that weren't really THAT bad this morning ... my two older kids did wonderful while their sister was in gymnastics (I'll leave our the part where my one-year-old who looks like a three-year-old assaulted an 11-month-old just learning how to walk) and we got to have lunch with my husband (I will also leave out the disastrous trip to the work cafeteria where six of us were trying to order, pay, carry trays of food, etc.). So there were two things. And five things I am thankful for ... the sun is shining today, my puppy's foot is feeling better, I get to catch up with an old friend tonight, I am going to enjoy an afternoon cup of coffee with amazing creamer and my family is healthy!
Well ... thank you blog for my afternoon therapy. I feel a million times better. It's okay that I had a sour mood this morning. It's okay that I wasn't the nicest mom or wife in the world. We all make mistakes. We all have rough days. And, hey, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day and leave my sour attitude in the dust!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
We All Have Good Days
Points to Ponder #7- We all have good days!
Don't get so down on yourself when you have a bad day. We all have them. While we all have great days where every piece of the puzzle fell into place, we all have those days where anything that could go wrong, did! It's inevitable that the day you are drowning, you will find a friend or a neighbor flying higher than a kite. On bad days, our focus goes to everyone around us and how everything seems perfect in their worlds.
While no one has the perfect life, we get caught up in using worlds like, "always" and "never." We forget that things aren't ALWAYS bad. The internet plays into our self-pity. We see pictures on Facebook of what seem like the perfect days and perfect crafts and perfect families. Life is not perfect. We will have bad days. BUT, we will have good days too.
It's important to figure out what makes you feel like you've had a good day. Chances are, my 'good' day doesn't look like your 'good' day. Whether it's a workout or a clean house or time with your kiddos, you have to figure out what makes you feel complete. When the chips are down, when the day seems beyond repair, don't give up. Our lives are constantly turning 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Every second of every hour of every day, can't be all bad. There is always a silver lining. There is always something to be thankful for.
The next time you have one of those horrible days and you see others around you having a good day, don't despair. Find the one or two things in your day that weren't as traumatic as you thought. Find five things to be thankful for. Ask that friend who always seems to have it all together what her secret is. Chances are, she has just as many bad days as you do, she just hasn't felt comfortable enough talking to you about it until now!
I hope your day is one you can check off as 'good' and if it isn't, that you take time to figure out how to make tomorrow just a little bit better.
Don't get so down on yourself when you have a bad day. We all have them. While we all have great days where every piece of the puzzle fell into place, we all have those days where anything that could go wrong, did! It's inevitable that the day you are drowning, you will find a friend or a neighbor flying higher than a kite. On bad days, our focus goes to everyone around us and how everything seems perfect in their worlds.
While no one has the perfect life, we get caught up in using worlds like, "always" and "never." We forget that things aren't ALWAYS bad. The internet plays into our self-pity. We see pictures on Facebook of what seem like the perfect days and perfect crafts and perfect families. Life is not perfect. We will have bad days. BUT, we will have good days too.
It's important to figure out what makes you feel like you've had a good day. Chances are, my 'good' day doesn't look like your 'good' day. Whether it's a workout or a clean house or time with your kiddos, you have to figure out what makes you feel complete. When the chips are down, when the day seems beyond repair, don't give up. Our lives are constantly turning 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Every second of every hour of every day, can't be all bad. There is always a silver lining. There is always something to be thankful for.
The next time you have one of those horrible days and you see others around you having a good day, don't despair. Find the one or two things in your day that weren't as traumatic as you thought. Find five things to be thankful for. Ask that friend who always seems to have it all together what her secret is. Chances are, she has just as many bad days as you do, she just hasn't felt comfortable enough talking to you about it until now!
I hope your day is one you can check off as 'good' and if it isn't, that you take time to figure out how to make tomorrow just a little bit better.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Good Friends Can Make It All Better
Points to Ponder #6- Good friends can make it all better!
What would we do without our friends? You may have a spouse who will love you no matter what, but there is nothing can replace an old friend. Good friends love us no matter what. They know all the dirt about us and are still willing to help us through difficult situations. The difficulty with friendships is that they require time and energy. But, the good news is, when we are out of time and out of energy, if we have put the work in necessary to develop a strong friendship, that friend will be there waiting when our schedule allows it and when we finally gain the energy back to give to them.
Whether it's a two-minute conversation on the phone, drinks out once every six weeks, or a girls get-a-way every two years, spending time with friends or talking with friends will help us stay sane. We have to have people that we count on when the chips are down. The chips WILL be down. They will fall for us and they will fall for good friends. We have to help each other through those difficult times and be there for one another in gold medal style.
I have amazing friends. I could not make it through this thing called life without them. You know who you are! You know when I have adult temper tantrums that are ridiculous. You know when I've had a few great months or several months of despair. You know these things because you are my good friends that I count on. You know that I am anything but perfect, and you love me despite my many flaws. Thank you, dear friends.
Take time for a friend today. Give an old friend a call or message a friend you haven't had time for in a while. Even if you don't have anything amazing to share, just the day to day life challenges we make it through are enough to be proud of. Put in a little time today and as much energy as you have. If you take time for a friend today, then maybe in your next desperate moment, a good friend will reach out to you and make your day just a little bit brighter!
What would we do without our friends? You may have a spouse who will love you no matter what, but there is nothing can replace an old friend. Good friends love us no matter what. They know all the dirt about us and are still willing to help us through difficult situations. The difficulty with friendships is that they require time and energy. But, the good news is, when we are out of time and out of energy, if we have put the work in necessary to develop a strong friendship, that friend will be there waiting when our schedule allows it and when we finally gain the energy back to give to them.
Whether it's a two-minute conversation on the phone, drinks out once every six weeks, or a girls get-a-way every two years, spending time with friends or talking with friends will help us stay sane. We have to have people that we count on when the chips are down. The chips WILL be down. They will fall for us and they will fall for good friends. We have to help each other through those difficult times and be there for one another in gold medal style.
I have amazing friends. I could not make it through this thing called life without them. You know who you are! You know when I have adult temper tantrums that are ridiculous. You know when I've had a few great months or several months of despair. You know these things because you are my good friends that I count on. You know that I am anything but perfect, and you love me despite my many flaws. Thank you, dear friends.
Take time for a friend today. Give an old friend a call or message a friend you haven't had time for in a while. Even if you don't have anything amazing to share, just the day to day life challenges we make it through are enough to be proud of. Put in a little time today and as much energy as you have. If you take time for a friend today, then maybe in your next desperate moment, a good friend will reach out to you and make your day just a little bit brighter!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Laughter Will Soften The Tears
Points to Ponder #5- Laughter will soften the tears
This morning I definitely needed laughter. Although, I was not quite ready to giggle, chuckle or even smirk at myself or my personal misery. I am referring to my church experience this wonderful Sunday morning. It was, of course, Palm Sunday. So, not only did we get to have an extra-long mass, but we also got palms to create a major distraction in the quiet sanctuary of church.
There was really nothing THAT catastrophic that occurred- it's just that it felt like it was well over 90 degrees in the church, I had a minor ache in my head due to the margaritas I consumed last night, the mass was extra long and the kids weren't quite in the sit-still-at-church-mode. I had my one-year-old to wrangle the entire mass and she is not that pleasant to entertain. Being overly hot with a one-year-old squirming all over you doesn't add up to feeling at peace and one with God:)
So, now, as the afternoon is wearing on and I look back at my morning, I realize that we made it through church. My son crafted a beautiful cross out of palms (that, of course, irritated me at the time) and probably no one around me sensed my misery. It wasn't that bad. And, the two little girls who ventured onto the Alter in the middle of mass ... weren't mine. They were ADORABLE. They gave me so much joy. They gave everyone at church a much needed moment of relief. If they were mine, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate their joy, their wonder and their need to talk with the priest. Why, though? Why wouldn't I have had the same moment if they were my children?
If we can somehow step back from our moments of misery, from our moments that overwhelm us and leave us feel like we are drowning, then wouldn't we be able to laugh a little more? Wouldn't we be comforted by the fact that minor hiccups in our day can fill us with immense joy? Laughter does make it better. There is always a silver lining. Sometimes we do not allow ourselves to see that lining and we live in the dark.
Take time today to laugh. Appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly of your world. After all, if the choice is to laugh or cry, the laughter will undoubtedly make you feel better. We need our moments of tears. We need to let go. But, for just one day, practice the laughter. Good habits are born one day at a time!
This morning I definitely needed laughter. Although, I was not quite ready to giggle, chuckle or even smirk at myself or my personal misery. I am referring to my church experience this wonderful Sunday morning. It was, of course, Palm Sunday. So, not only did we get to have an extra-long mass, but we also got palms to create a major distraction in the quiet sanctuary of church.
There was really nothing THAT catastrophic that occurred- it's just that it felt like it was well over 90 degrees in the church, I had a minor ache in my head due to the margaritas I consumed last night, the mass was extra long and the kids weren't quite in the sit-still-at-church-mode. I had my one-year-old to wrangle the entire mass and she is not that pleasant to entertain. Being overly hot with a one-year-old squirming all over you doesn't add up to feeling at peace and one with God:)
So, now, as the afternoon is wearing on and I look back at my morning, I realize that we made it through church. My son crafted a beautiful cross out of palms (that, of course, irritated me at the time) and probably no one around me sensed my misery. It wasn't that bad. And, the two little girls who ventured onto the Alter in the middle of mass ... weren't mine. They were ADORABLE. They gave me so much joy. They gave everyone at church a much needed moment of relief. If they were mine, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate their joy, their wonder and their need to talk with the priest. Why, though? Why wouldn't I have had the same moment if they were my children?
If we can somehow step back from our moments of misery, from our moments that overwhelm us and leave us feel like we are drowning, then wouldn't we be able to laugh a little more? Wouldn't we be comforted by the fact that minor hiccups in our day can fill us with immense joy? Laughter does make it better. There is always a silver lining. Sometimes we do not allow ourselves to see that lining and we live in the dark.
Take time today to laugh. Appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly of your world. After all, if the choice is to laugh or cry, the laughter will undoubtedly make you feel better. We need our moments of tears. We need to let go. But, for just one day, practice the laughter. Good habits are born one day at a time!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Perfection Is Not Possible, But Don't Give Up Trying
Points to Ponder #4- Perfection is not possible, but don't give up trying
Perfection does not exist! Being perfect is not possible. No person on earth is perfect. We all mess-up. We are all full of error. We all make mistakes. Quit beating yourself up for not being someone you aren't. Accept your strengths, your gifts and your blessings. BUT ... you must also accept your limitations. You cannot and should not be able to do it, be it all and then have time to post it all!
It's okay to admit that you don't have the perfect house, marriage, job, kids, etc. No one does. Just because you do not have the perfect life does not mean that you don't have a million things to be thankful for. My points to ponder #4 talks about church in the book. It mentions how church becomes a major source of angst for many families. Children CANNOT sit through an hour of mass being perfect. Heck, my husband can't even make it through mass without cracking an inappropriate joke. Accept it. Live with it. And then try to embrace what it is good.
I'm reading a book in my bible study group called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp (www.aholyexperience.com). This author does a wonderful job reminding the reader to appreciate what is around you every moment of every day (even the bad stuff). In her book she is challenged to write 1000 things she is thankful for. I have been working on my list and am on 275. I have to admit, when I am focused on the blessings, I am much more content to not be perfect and to enjoy the imperfections life has to offer that are so wonderful. Sounds twisted, I know. But it is so true. This author has dared me to live fully right where I am at. I not there yet, but I'm not going to give up trying either.
So, give it up. Love your imperfect self. Love your imperfect family. Love your imperfect job. Love your imperfect house. Love it all ... because it's all yours to be thankful for! Don't give up trying to be the best you can be, but embrace your strengths and limitations and find the balance in between them that leaves you feeling content!
Perfection does not exist! Being perfect is not possible. No person on earth is perfect. We all mess-up. We are all full of error. We all make mistakes. Quit beating yourself up for not being someone you aren't. Accept your strengths, your gifts and your blessings. BUT ... you must also accept your limitations. You cannot and should not be able to do it, be it all and then have time to post it all!
It's okay to admit that you don't have the perfect house, marriage, job, kids, etc. No one does. Just because you do not have the perfect life does not mean that you don't have a million things to be thankful for. My points to ponder #4 talks about church in the book. It mentions how church becomes a major source of angst for many families. Children CANNOT sit through an hour of mass being perfect. Heck, my husband can't even make it through mass without cracking an inappropriate joke. Accept it. Live with it. And then try to embrace what it is good.
I'm reading a book in my bible study group called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp (www.aholyexperience.com). This author does a wonderful job reminding the reader to appreciate what is around you every moment of every day (even the bad stuff). In her book she is challenged to write 1000 things she is thankful for. I have been working on my list and am on 275. I have to admit, when I am focused on the blessings, I am much more content to not be perfect and to enjoy the imperfections life has to offer that are so wonderful. Sounds twisted, I know. But it is so true. This author has dared me to live fully right where I am at. I not there yet, but I'm not going to give up trying either.
So, give it up. Love your imperfect self. Love your imperfect family. Love your imperfect job. Love your imperfect house. Love it all ... because it's all yours to be thankful for! Don't give up trying to be the best you can be, but embrace your strengths and limitations and find the balance in between them that leaves you feeling content!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Bad Behavior Is Not Condoned
Points to Ponder #3: Bad Behavior Is Not Condoned
As I have been working on my book and talking with various friends and family, I have been amazed at how many people beat themselves up daily for mistakes they make that truly are okay. With that being said, this journey has given me a motto that I truly love and believe in, but that I realize does not apply to every situation. 'It's Okay' is meant to be a belief that we are all human, full of error and cannot make it through a day with out a mistake. It's meant to help us on those days or in those moments that we feel life is too overwhelming to manage through. But, we do. We make and we realize that things may not have been as bad as we thought. It's NOT, however, meant to be a motto that condones truly negative behavior.
It is NOT okay to abuse drugs and alcohol. It is NOT okay to abuse your children. It is NOT okay to neglect your children's basic needs. These things are NOT okay. We all mess-up. We all have bad days. We all need good coping strategies to realize that life will be challenging and hard, but using the tools we have been blessed with will allow us to make it through difficult times. There IS a difference between messing up and partaking in truly negative and bad behavior.
In my book, I had to address this point because there are things in life that are not okay. There is a support section at the end of my book that gives some basic resources for those who may be struggling with pervasive problem that professional help is needed for. If that is the case, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to admit that your mistake is one that you cannot handle alone. If you are in need of support beyond what a friend or a good book or a trip to church can handle, don't be afraid to visit one of the websites below or message me and I'd be happy to help you locate a network that can support you in your specific need!
American Academy of Pediatrics, www.aap.org
La Leche League International, www.lalecheleague.org
Postpartum Support International, www.postpartum.net
National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center, www.addictioncareoptions.com
National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.hih.gov
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, www.samhsa.gov
Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com
As I have been working on my book and talking with various friends and family, I have been amazed at how many people beat themselves up daily for mistakes they make that truly are okay. With that being said, this journey has given me a motto that I truly love and believe in, but that I realize does not apply to every situation. 'It's Okay' is meant to be a belief that we are all human, full of error and cannot make it through a day with out a mistake. It's meant to help us on those days or in those moments that we feel life is too overwhelming to manage through. But, we do. We make and we realize that things may not have been as bad as we thought. It's NOT, however, meant to be a motto that condones truly negative behavior.
It is NOT okay to abuse drugs and alcohol. It is NOT okay to abuse your children. It is NOT okay to neglect your children's basic needs. These things are NOT okay. We all mess-up. We all have bad days. We all need good coping strategies to realize that life will be challenging and hard, but using the tools we have been blessed with will allow us to make it through difficult times. There IS a difference between messing up and partaking in truly negative and bad behavior.
In my book, I had to address this point because there are things in life that are not okay. There is a support section at the end of my book that gives some basic resources for those who may be struggling with pervasive problem that professional help is needed for. If that is the case, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to admit that your mistake is one that you cannot handle alone. If you are in need of support beyond what a friend or a good book or a trip to church can handle, don't be afraid to visit one of the websites below or message me and I'd be happy to help you locate a network that can support you in your specific need!
American Academy of Pediatrics, www.aap.org
La Leche League International, www.lalecheleague.org
Postpartum Support International, www.postpartum.net
National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center, www.addictioncareoptions.com
National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.hih.gov
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, www.samhsa.gov
Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Don't Judge Me Just Because My Mistakes Are DIfferent Than Yours
Points To Ponder #2: Don't judge me just because my mistakes are different than yours
The second Points To Ponder section addresses judgment. Before sharing the hilarious stories that were submitted by over 40 contributors, I wanted readers to be in the right frame of mind. It took courage and personal strength to share stories of embarrassment, shame and frustration. While my book is intended to be funny, it also has a very deep message. As parents (well even just as human beings), we are constantly looking around at others. We are creating judgments about others or assuming things of others and then judging ourselves.
The judgment needs to stop. God created us each differently. He hand-picked the make-up of who we are. We all have different strengths and things we are good at. But, we also each have limitations and things that we are not, and will never be, good at. It's okay. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to do it. We don't have to look, act or feel like our friends and neighbors. We get to be us! Just our imperfect little selves.
So, if we are not perfect and we can live with that fact, then maybe we will start to realize that other people can't be perfect either. There are people in the world who will do things that we do not agree with. That's okay. People will do things that we would never do. That's okay, too. The world goes round because of the differences that exist. We are lucky to live in a world where no two people are the same.
The thing about judgment that is crucial to remember: we have no idea what is going on in other people's lives. We cannot effectively judge them because we do not completely know them. It's not fair to assume things about people around you. It's not fair not to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know not all people are good- but darn it, most people in the world are doing the best they can with the strengths and limitations they have been blessed with!
Don't judge me just because my mistakes are different than yours.
The second Points To Ponder section addresses judgment. Before sharing the hilarious stories that were submitted by over 40 contributors, I wanted readers to be in the right frame of mind. It took courage and personal strength to share stories of embarrassment, shame and frustration. While my book is intended to be funny, it also has a very deep message. As parents (well even just as human beings), we are constantly looking around at others. We are creating judgments about others or assuming things of others and then judging ourselves.
The judgment needs to stop. God created us each differently. He hand-picked the make-up of who we are. We all have different strengths and things we are good at. But, we also each have limitations and things that we are not, and will never be, good at. It's okay. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to do it. We don't have to look, act or feel like our friends and neighbors. We get to be us! Just our imperfect little selves.
So, if we are not perfect and we can live with that fact, then maybe we will start to realize that other people can't be perfect either. There are people in the world who will do things that we do not agree with. That's okay. People will do things that we would never do. That's okay, too. The world goes round because of the differences that exist. We are lucky to live in a world where no two people are the same.
The thing about judgment that is crucial to remember: we have no idea what is going on in other people's lives. We cannot effectively judge them because we do not completely know them. It's not fair to assume things about people around you. It's not fair not to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know not all people are good- but darn it, most people in the world are doing the best they can with the strengths and limitations they have been blessed with!
Don't judge me just because my mistakes are different than yours.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Be Thoughtful With Your Words
In an attempt to provide a purpose for my blog, I am going to write a little about each part of my book. It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting is due to be released in the next couple of weeks. While the book is very humorous in nature, with real stories from real people about all the parenting blunders that occur, there is also a very serious message I hope readers receive from reading it. Before the stories begin, there is a section entitled Points to Ponder. In this section, I hope that readers keep some key points in mind as they are reading about other people's failures, mistakes or mishaps.
Point to Ponder #1: Be Thoughtful With Your Words
So many times in life, people do not think before they speak. While this is true, I do not believe that most people in life intend to be malicious. It's just that sometimes our feet cannot enter our mouths quick enough. Whether you have had an insensitive question asked or an unthoughtful comment made about you, take time to realize that you, too, have probably done this very thing in the past. Hindsight is always 20/20 and we realize as we grow and change that we may have judged someone or a situation without fully understanding what was going on in his/her life or fully understanding the hell he/she may have been going through.
Once we pass various stages in life, it's safe to say that we understand a lot more than we did before. In knowing more than we did, we grow. So, today and maybe even tomorrow, try to be more thoughtful with your words. Try to understand someone else without fully being able to know what they are struggling with. Assume the best intentions of their actions and try to avoid hurting them with your comments or questions. At the same time, if someone asks you an insensitive question or comes at you with a hurtful comment, try not to get defensive. Try to assume that no harm was intended. Try with all your might to share your feelings openly and honestly.
If we could all get 'real' about how we are feeling and what we are thinking, assumptions could be put to rest. Everyone has different struggles. Everyone has different issues. But ... we all have both. None of us are perfect and we could all use the benefit of the doubt every once in a while! It's okay.
Point to Ponder #1: Be Thoughtful With Your Words
So many times in life, people do not think before they speak. While this is true, I do not believe that most people in life intend to be malicious. It's just that sometimes our feet cannot enter our mouths quick enough. Whether you have had an insensitive question asked or an unthoughtful comment made about you, take time to realize that you, too, have probably done this very thing in the past. Hindsight is always 20/20 and we realize as we grow and change that we may have judged someone or a situation without fully understanding what was going on in his/her life or fully understanding the hell he/she may have been going through.
Once we pass various stages in life, it's safe to say that we understand a lot more than we did before. In knowing more than we did, we grow. So, today and maybe even tomorrow, try to be more thoughtful with your words. Try to understand someone else without fully being able to know what they are struggling with. Assume the best intentions of their actions and try to avoid hurting them with your comments or questions. At the same time, if someone asks you an insensitive question or comes at you with a hurtful comment, try not to get defensive. Try to assume that no harm was intended. Try with all your might to share your feelings openly and honestly.
If we could all get 'real' about how we are feeling and what we are thinking, assumptions could be put to rest. Everyone has different struggles. Everyone has different issues. But ... we all have both. None of us are perfect and we could all use the benefit of the doubt every once in a while! It's okay.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
It's Okay to be Frustrated!
After embracing the idea that frustration is a normal part of life, I can begin to deal with feelings more appropriately. You would think after almost 35 years of life that I would have the coping strategies necessary to deal with the challenges that life throws at me daily. I don't even have to any major challenges, which makes me feel even more inadequate.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Beat ourselves up for the very emotions that make us who we are are. I am blessed beyond ways that I could possibly count. I have more goodness in my life than I deserve. With that being said, it is still okay for me to be frustrated. It is still okay for me to lose it occasionally. It is still okay for me to forget to count my blessings in those moments so that I can later be reminded of how many I really have.
The other day I started working out again. I am actually excited about my readiness to embrace 'healthy' again. I can't look back and say that I should have been doing this longer, I just need to be thankful for the fact that I am doing it now. So the following story will hopefully help you let go of some ridiculous frustration you are having at this moment in your life!
I got up and got my four children ready. I sent two of them off to school and then headed to the local YMCA. I was going to go to my first exercise class, so the two little ones would be in daycare for an hour. This was a little difficult (I had to get over the fact that it was okay to be staying at home, but still use daycare so that I could be healthy), but I knew it was time to get myself back in shape.
After a gloriously difficult workout I went to pick up my two little ones. I am leaving out the fact that my one-year-old threw the fit of her life when I left her, because she hasn't been away from me much. I picked the kids up still alive and doing well. I had to stop at the front desk to get new ID cards. They did great until the moment we were about to leave.
It was then that I started regretting the decision to workout. My four-year-old hit her sister. I calmly let her know that she lost part of her allowance (this is our newest parenting strategy) and the little girl lost it. She wouldn't follow me out and stood just outside of the door. I didn't want to deal with her so I just kept walking. This was apparently NOT what she wanted, so she ran full speed and pushed me with all her might. I tripped a little, but was bound and determined to get to the car. Getting in the car was a struggle and having her buckle-up was even more challenging. So ... I started to drive. The police station was a block away. I let her know I would be stopping. Seriously???? What was I going to do at the police station? Long story short, she got buckled after we were parked at the station for about three minutes. We made it home only to have the fit continue. After room time and a major adult temper tantrum, it ended.
Throughout this time, I was beating myself up for working out. My frustration was beyond what I can express. It took me many hours to see that I had created a major positive change for myself by choosing to workout, but that I hadn't given my children a chance to catch up with the change I was making. While I am trying to get into a routine, I also need to allow my kids a chance to establish what this routine is going to look like. I should workout. I can be frustrated. But ... it's okay that things didn't go perfect on the first day.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Beat ourselves up for the very emotions that make us who we are are. I am blessed beyond ways that I could possibly count. I have more goodness in my life than I deserve. With that being said, it is still okay for me to be frustrated. It is still okay for me to lose it occasionally. It is still okay for me to forget to count my blessings in those moments so that I can later be reminded of how many I really have.
The other day I started working out again. I am actually excited about my readiness to embrace 'healthy' again. I can't look back and say that I should have been doing this longer, I just need to be thankful for the fact that I am doing it now. So the following story will hopefully help you let go of some ridiculous frustration you are having at this moment in your life!
I got up and got my four children ready. I sent two of them off to school and then headed to the local YMCA. I was going to go to my first exercise class, so the two little ones would be in daycare for an hour. This was a little difficult (I had to get over the fact that it was okay to be staying at home, but still use daycare so that I could be healthy), but I knew it was time to get myself back in shape.
After a gloriously difficult workout I went to pick up my two little ones. I am leaving out the fact that my one-year-old threw the fit of her life when I left her, because she hasn't been away from me much. I picked the kids up still alive and doing well. I had to stop at the front desk to get new ID cards. They did great until the moment we were about to leave.
It was then that I started regretting the decision to workout. My four-year-old hit her sister. I calmly let her know that she lost part of her allowance (this is our newest parenting strategy) and the little girl lost it. She wouldn't follow me out and stood just outside of the door. I didn't want to deal with her so I just kept walking. This was apparently NOT what she wanted, so she ran full speed and pushed me with all her might. I tripped a little, but was bound and determined to get to the car. Getting in the car was a struggle and having her buckle-up was even more challenging. So ... I started to drive. The police station was a block away. I let her know I would be stopping. Seriously???? What was I going to do at the police station? Long story short, she got buckled after we were parked at the station for about three minutes. We made it home only to have the fit continue. After room time and a major adult temper tantrum, it ended.
Throughout this time, I was beating myself up for working out. My frustration was beyond what I can express. It took me many hours to see that I had created a major positive change for myself by choosing to workout, but that I hadn't given my children a chance to catch up with the change I was making. While I am trying to get into a routine, I also need to allow my kids a chance to establish what this routine is going to look like. I should workout. I can be frustrated. But ... it's okay that things didn't go perfect on the first day.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
What's it all about?
As I'm preparing to publish my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting, I am constantly asking myself what defines the life I am living. While I am incredibly excited to get my book out to the public and to share the message I so passionately believe in, I still struggle with what defines me. The whole premise of the book is that life is hard. That we will mess-up. That we will question what in life we are doing that is worth something. Why aren't we ever satisfied?
In the book, I talk about how one thing cannot and should not define who we are. There is a section that talks about what 'good days' are and how my good days might look very different than your good days. Why am I on top of the world some days and overwhelmed by the very idea of completing life other days? Why can't I appreciate what I have and who I am consistently on a daily basis?
My goal for this blog once the book is published is to write weekly about 'real' things that are happening in my life. It's hard to admit when we feel like we have failed. It's hard to admit that we are not living up to the standard that we set for ourselves. But, where does this standard come from? It definitely cannot be from what we see others accomplishing around us. It has to be what we decide for ourselves. What we want to be within our capabilities. While we are blessed with many gifts and talents, we are also confined to our limitations. We cannot be what others are ... we have to be happy with who we are and what we are able to do.
I hope that someone out there is questioning her day. I hope that she can read this and realize that if she is doing the best she can, that is enough. She does not have to be it all, have it all and do it all. She can be content to just live her life, to enjoy the blessings she has been given (limitations and all), and be proud of what she has accomplished in her life. Bad days will happen.
It's okay to struggle. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to take a break. It's okay to know you are doing the best you can do. It's okay to not be perfect.
It's okay!
In the book, I talk about how one thing cannot and should not define who we are. There is a section that talks about what 'good days' are and how my good days might look very different than your good days. Why am I on top of the world some days and overwhelmed by the very idea of completing life other days? Why can't I appreciate what I have and who I am consistently on a daily basis?
My goal for this blog once the book is published is to write weekly about 'real' things that are happening in my life. It's hard to admit when we feel like we have failed. It's hard to admit that we are not living up to the standard that we set for ourselves. But, where does this standard come from? It definitely cannot be from what we see others accomplishing around us. It has to be what we decide for ourselves. What we want to be within our capabilities. While we are blessed with many gifts and talents, we are also confined to our limitations. We cannot be what others are ... we have to be happy with who we are and what we are able to do.
I hope that someone out there is questioning her day. I hope that she can read this and realize that if she is doing the best she can, that is enough. She does not have to be it all, have it all and do it all. She can be content to just live her life, to enjoy the blessings she has been given (limitations and all), and be proud of what she has accomplished in her life. Bad days will happen.
It's okay to struggle. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to take a break. It's okay to know you are doing the best you can do. It's okay to not be perfect.
It's okay!
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