Marriage Monday: Say It

Is it another Manic Monday?

Do you wish it were still Sunday?

Is that your Fun Day?

Are you singing The Bangles chorus yet? Ha! 

Monday's are hard ... it's back to the grind. Life once again will get so hectic that we will wish the week away; hoping for Sunday much too soon.

Marriage has become difficult to define in this day and age. 'Til death do us part' is sometimes not what is expected.

Those of us who are married or who have been married know the struggles that come with committing your life to one person. ONE PERSON for LIFE. Yikes!

Mondays are a lot like marriage. Once the week begins, it's back to business. Routines, schedules, life maintenance ... really mundane nuances. We all started our marriages like it was a Sunday Fun Day. And then, life took over. Bills, budgets, schedules, work, household projects; list after list of life details that needed to be complete.

Just like we are always waiting for the weekend to give our week a break from the mundane; in marriage we are always waiting for something to give so that we can get back to enjoying our partner.

Mondays will continue to be manic. Weeks will continue to create struggles and stress. We must not let our marriage fall into that same pattern. We must create magical moments every day. We need to stop 'waiting' for life to get better at the next phase.

Here. Now. Today. Say it! Say to your spouse how much you love him/her. Say why you appreciate him/her. Say the words that we all need to hear ... say why you have stayed together through the mundane and hectic life you are living. Say how your life is like a fairy tale with a happily ever-after!

Say it. And say it often.

Give praise. Give love. Find the little joys you can share.

Marriage will not be fun every day. Marriage will be anything but easy. Recognize that your spouse is not perfect, but remember why you married him/her.

Go back to the 'fun' that brought you together and appreciate the growth you both have made! Say it. Notice the little things and it will make BIG differences!

Thank you, hubby of mine, for supporting my crazy adventure! Thank you for loving me even in my awful moments. Thank you for cleaning the house when I was away. Thank you for making me laugh, when I was so exhausted that I just wanted to cry! Here's love to you and our happily ever-after, three-ring circus, we perform in daily!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Tuesday Tip: Count Your Blessings:)

What are your blessings?

Go ahead ... name a few of them.

Say them out loud- right now!

Don't wait. Don't let another moment pass you by where you don't recognize the million little things in your life that are right and good and perfect!

How many did you name?

Life is full of blessings if we give ourselves the opportunity to notice them. So often, though, we spoil our blessings with getting caught up in the nuances of life.

Let me expand ...

I rushed to squeeze in a run around the lake last night. It wasn't just any run, but a glorious, sun-setting jog, where my mind was clear and the night was beautiful.

If only I could just stop there ... that was my blessing. The pouring rain that started when I was half way around the lake was a bit of a nuance. Especially since I decided to carry my cell phone with me. Luckily, the rain didn't spoil my moment, but gave me a reminder that life can't be perfect.

This weekend we were at a friend's wedding. It was perfect. The kids did amazing. My husband gave such a mature and meaningful best-man speech (this is saying a lot for those of you that know my smarty pants husband). I was reminded of his growth as a man and how much I love him. The photographer couldn't get enough pictures of my beautiful children. Her comment stuck with me today, "You really are blessed. I can't imagine how much work it is to have four children; I know how hard one is. I always wanted more children, you're so lucky."

I am blessed. I am lucky. Who cares that my two-year-old's entire Sprite came cascading down like a powerful waterfall just as the moment of silence began after the prayer. It doesn't matter that in the middle of my husband's speech, my five-year-old knocked one of our beer bottles on the floor ... no judgement; mom's and dad's need a little fun too!

Blessings are tiny moments of glory stuck in our crazy lives. Things will go wrong. I will continue to mess-up; to wish that I could avoid my adult temper tantrums. I will need to apologize frequently and to forgive willingly.

No one is claiming to have it all together. We all have regrets and days where we forget to count our blessings.

Don't let today pass you by without taking a minute or two to count the joys, triumphs and amazing people in your life.

I'm lucky. I'm blessed. That's it ... I will stop there. No need to find the thing that ruins my luck or my blessings. For the moment, I will remember to count them one by one!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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Just Breathe!

When times get tough, when life takes you by surprise, when your kid pees all over the floor ... just breathe!

Funny how the easiest coping strategy you can teach children is to take a breath; funny because as adults we don't use it often enough!

Last Wednesday night I was caught in a do or die moment. It was 'just breathe' or 'lose all control'!

I think I won the battle. I stayed calm. I didn't get TOO frazzled. A lot of self talk ... a lot of deep breaths ... and a quick husband saved the day!

You know when you have those times in life when things seem to be going well and you think one more thing isn't THAT big of deal. You add a thing here and there and pretty soon all the balls just seem to tumble down.

We made it Religious Education on time. There was the tag-teaming and the car-switching. There was eating snacks in the car and sharing drinks from the only drops of water left in the one water bottle we had. My five-year-old's first night of Religious Education- me the teacher and my eight-year-old my helper.

There was seven minutes until I had to pick up all the five-year-old sweeties I'd be teaching. I was rushing and grabbing and giving my girls helping instructions. The five-year-old had to pee- no biggie- there was a bathroom in the back of the room. I sent the eight-year-old to assist.

TOO LATE. It was TOO late. I suppose the silver lining was that the puddle was actually in the bathroom.

I was the only teacher. We were down to five minutes until showtime. The office had no spare clothes. The poor, naked, wet five-year-old waited for 20 minutes in the bathroom until super DAD came to the rescue.

Mom survived her first night of teaching. The five-year-old's were amazing. My own darling regrouped quite wonderfully.

Thank goodness for deep breaths. Thank goodness for positive self-talk. Thank the good Lord that I didn't over-react to an accident. That's all it was.

Accidents happen. Life gets hard. Unexpected things change events. People get sick. In life, it's great to remember to just breathe! And when that doesn't work ... lean on someone special in your life to get you through!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Tuesday Tip: Sit Down!

My Tuesday Tip comes from a realization I had last night and this morning. As a disclaimer, please know that my 'tips' are just that ... they are meant to help me grow as a person and parent. I am not, nor will I ever be, an expert in this parenting game.

Remember: We are all just doing the best we can with what we have to work with!

Now then ... back to the Sitting Down!

Work, schedules, laundry, cleaning, activities, school, homework, vehicle maintenance, household maintenance, church, volunteering, spending time with friends ... should I keep going? This is just a partial list of the million things that make up our lives. And, they become the excuses we use to NOT sit down with our families.

I found an article posted on The Hazelden website, Sit-down family dinners can help prevent drug abuse, and I was reminded of why we should avoid the excuses to sit down and eat together.

Last night after soccer and girl scouts, we all finally sat down at 6:45 to eat dinner. We recounted the day, the after school activities, what the week is going to look like and how everyone was feeling. While this is not an ideal time to eat, we did it together!

When my oldest tried to excuse herself shortly after eating to go watch TV, I asked her to please just sit down a little longer so we could continue talking. This got the two-year-old up and moving and our dinner conversation came quickly to a halt. Normally, I would have given in and sent them all to watch TV so my hubby and I could clean up dinner. But, I didn't want our moment to end ... it was the only time ALL day that we were all together.

The dishes sat ... there was a few rounds of Duck, Duck, Goose (or Cloud, Cloud, Sun according to my five-year-old) and a short dance party before the bedtime routine began.

Our hour was only an hour. But, choosing to sit down last night felt so good and after reading the article I mentioned above, I know I made the right choice.

Today is a stay-home day for me. A day off work. A day I usually run around like a mad-woman trying to catch up on life. I chose, again, to sit down. I ate breakfast with my kiddos! This doesn't always happen. It can't always happen. But, when the moments present themselves, we must choose to sit!

It's okay if you've forgotten to sit lately. It's okay if life has been too hectic. Don't beat yourself up. Our family certainly doesn't get it right day after day and week after week. I had two good moments. It's these moments that the kids will hopefully remember (and not the ones where my adult temper-tantrums get the best of me!).

Tonight is another crazy night of activities. The weeks ahead hold no down-time. I will get caught up in the million things that need to be done. I will forget how important it is to just Sit Down. For today, though, I will try to remember it's not about how much I can accomplish, but rather the quality of time spent with my loved ones that matters.

Here's to your terrific Tuesday! My hope is that you find time to Sit Down; that you give yourself a breather from the craziness life has to bring. Not all moments will be enjoyable, but occasionally memorable ones will break through!   

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Young At Heart

Well, I'm no superstar, but this picture was painted Friday evening while enjoying drinks and old friends. I was taken back to a time long, long ago when I was just a wee little tike ...

As I walked into the painting party, I was greeted by a younger sister of a good friend of mine. My comment was slightly embarrassing, "You're all grown up." She smiled, chuckled and replied, "Well, I'm 27 now!"

Where does the time go? The last time I saw her she was probably 12 and I was only heading off to college. It's not like I was that much older or wiser at the time, but youth seems to stay etched in our brains. We are unable to anticipate the growth of everyone around us.

The wonderful night of therapeutic painting and enlightening conversation kept me out way too late. I just couldn't make myself leave. There were reminders of elementary school, small town benefits, catching up on where old friends are now, embarrassing moments, quirky trends ... I was taken back to a much more simple time in life.

When I walked into my parents house at close to midnight, my children and their things were scattered everywhere ... I felt a slight pang of guilt. It lasted only a second as I recounted with my parents what a wonderful night I had and filled them in on our old home-town happenings. The kids were loaded in the car and asleep before we made it to the end of their block. I only had to carry two of them to bed and the biggest pain was dealing with the darn dog (again ... what was Santa thinking ... the dog was a horrible idea)!

I may have lost my chance at 'Mother of the Year' for keeping my children out way too late, but darn did it feel good (plus, I had already lost that award months ago!). It's critical to do things for YOU! To take care of YOU! To enjoy being YOU! And to live as young as you can for as long as possible!

My husband is away fishing this weekend. Some girlfriends gave me a hard time for 'letting' him go ... but, again, he needs to take care of himself, too. Fishing is the one thing that takes him back to his youth and gives him the most pleasure. He'll come back revived and ready to conquer the world for a few more days! Plus, he got second in his bass tournament (yes, these do exist) and made enough money to cover the cost of his trip. Bonuses all the way around!

Last night I pulled out my yearbook and thumbed through my life many moons ago. My childhood wasn't all roses, but I have some pretty amazing memories weaved through my past.

Our history; our ups and downs, our successes and failures, are what make us who we are today. We can't change the past- it is what it is. And, no one really knows what our future holds. It's the present that counts; the here and now ... it's up to us to make it what we choose.

I'm grateful for my Friday night that took me back to my youth. It's wonderful to know that I'm still young at heart- that my past isn't really that far away. The good, the bad and the ugly are what they are. I am who I am today because of it all!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Take a Moment

"Love isn't constant happiness and laughs and hugs, it's going through amazing and terrible times and staying together through it all."  -Unknown Author

In the midst of great tragedy, we are reminded how lucky we are. Tragedy, however, is not clearly defined and it's unfair for you or I to determine how great someone's tragedy really is.

Stress that is significant and real in your world, is still stress. It's still hard for you.

When life isn't too overwhelming for you to handle, give to someone else. Care for someone else. Listen to someone else. Be there and take a moment for someone else.

After hearing about the terrible flooding in Colorado, I checked in with an old friend. It felt so good to reconnect and yet, so difficult to not be able to help. Why did it take a great tragedy for me to check in? It's wonderful that I did, but an excellent reminder that it shouldn't take an awful event for me to take a moment to reach out and care.

A quick text, a meaningful conversation, a knowing smile, a friendly greeting, a silent prayer ... it doesn't take much, but small actions can make such a great difference.

Last night I called my husband on the way home from a work event. My attitude shifted quickly when I found out that he did not shower our children (now, mind you, they were due for showers the night before that, but alas ... I was too lazy to enforce them ... that's not the point...focus on the husband here)! I fumed for a moment and then did what all good women do- I called a friend to vent.

Our two-minute conversation assured me that my husband is not the only one who doesn't always pay attention to shower night and that showers would have been missed in her house as well had she not instructed the showering been done. After a few laughs and a comparison of who's kids were the dirtiest- my heart and mind were in the right place to walk in the door to my hubby! Her listening ear and two minutes of care, made a world of difference for me!

Now, sadly, looking back on it all ... I'm reminded that my slight irritation over showers (seriously? showers?) was ridiculous and minor and nothing compared to the REAL issues in the world today. I share this story, though, because my friend didn't judge me or tell me how ridiculous I was being ... she just cared!

Your actions don't have to be grand. The slightest care you can show can be monumental to others.

Take time for someone today. Say a quick prayer for those enduring tragedy in their lives. Laugh with a friend. Don't wait for a horrific event to reach out. You'll find when you take time to care, it will come back to you when you need it most! 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Tuesday Tip: Enjoy the Moment

Thousands of moments make up each day of our life. Not all these moments are enjoyable ... in fact, many of them could be referred to as, 'It's Okay' or horrible or rotten moments. BUT ...

While it's important to laugh at or recognize the awful, terrible and difficult moments that make up our life, it's more important to focus on the amazing, sweet and joyful moments that actually make life worth living.

Enjoying the moment isn't as easy as it sounds. It's not like we can be expected to be happy, positive and take advantage of every moment we are blessed with. We should ... but it's not realistic!

So my Tuesday Tip isn't to beat yourself up for not enjoying every breath or second in your life. It's to enjoy every moment you can, so you don't get overwhelmed by the difficult times that will inevitably sneak up on you.

I've had the pleasure of being a full-time working mom, a part-time working mom and a stay-at-home mom. When I was each one of these, I had the impression that the other would 'fix' all my inadequacies. That somehow changing my 'working world' would allow me to enjoy more moments with my family and friends.

I was dead wrong. Each of these options in life had their benefits, their struggles ... and none of them create the perfect life. Only I can do that ... by realizing that perfection does not exist.

It's easy to get caught up in the, "As soon as we ... have more money, complete this project, finish this busy season, get through the summer, have kids that are grown ... life will be better." Why are we wishing away the very life we are trying to live.

I once asked a co-worker, years ago, who had older children how he did it- how he felt like he had any quality time with his children when all he was doing was working and running them to and from their activities. His answer came back to me yesterday, "Teresa, we have our best times in the car; meaningful conversations, studying for spelling tests, talking about the future. We make the most of the time we have together."

Wow. I wish I could remember his words more often.

Last night I changed my clothes, threw some food in a picnic basket, grabbed some blankets, instructed my son to grab his soccer stuff so he could change in the car and headed off to practice. Might I add that I did this all in a matter of seven minutes. Impressive? Well ... I was pleased. Anyway, there were some squabbles in the car amongst the four children, but I wasn't going to let it bring me down.

For a night, I actually enjoyed the two and a half hours I got to spend with my kids. This isn't always the case ... too often I would have gotten caught up in the fact that we were four minutes late for soccer or that my kids can't be together for more than a minute without fighting or that it was 115 degrees in September or that I've re-dried the same load of laundry four different times hoping to fold it, or, or, or!

I've come to realize it's the quality, not the quantity of time spent with those we love. Enjoy the moment. Live in the moment. Good or bad, the moments that come and go are our life. Our life is what we make of it.

My hope for you this Tuesday is that you are able to enjoy more moments than not in your day. That snip-its of your day are filled with glory. That occasionally you will fight off the urge to get caught up in negative thoughts or emotions. While I hope this for you ... I hope this for me, too!

Have a Terrific Tuesday! And remember, it's okay not to enjoy every moment ... just try to enjoy as many as you can.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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Silver Lining

"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or even heard, they must be felt by the heart."
                                         -Helen Keller

Our hearts are so strange, yet so wonderful. Full of love and compassion ... yet sometimes overshadowed by our negative thoughts and emotions.

Silver linings allow our hearts to give completely- to let the rainbows shine bright after a terrible storm. For, without the storm, the rainbow would never have appeared.

Yesterday in Target, I was reminded of the importance of silver linings. I was taken back and realized the true reality of the 'small potatoes' I deal with in my life right now.

As my daughter had eaten half a bag of un-purchased goldfish, I ran into a friend who is dealing with one of life's cruelest struggles. Her optimism and ability to see the silver lining was such an inspiration to me. I feel guilty even writing this, knowing how much I take for granted in my life right now.

Why does it take such hardships to remember the blessings surrounding us? So what if my house is dirty ... if I have a permanent marker stain that will never come off my floor ... that I have a fresh ketchup catastrophe on the carpet due to the latest mini-food fight ... that our deck is two years over-do for a staining ... that our lawn will never have landscaping anyone writes home about ... that I have a table full of pictures in the basement taking up nearly our whole storm shelter. These things are 'small potatoes'!

That permanent marker stain on my kitchen floor will remind me in ten years how much I miss the youth of my children. That mini-food fight is nothing compared to what it could have been! Our deck will still be standing next year when we actually might get to staining it. Our landscaping is impressive for the lack of green thumb I was blessed with (now this isn't saying much, but still). And ... we haven't needed to use our storm shelter yet this year, so the table full of pictures hasn't been an issue.

Any negative thought can be turned around - IF WE TURN IT! Life will continue to move at a pace that is difficult to keep up with. The nuances that are here today, will still be here tomorrow. The 'things' that consume our life will someday be lost or forgotten.

It's the relationships that matter the most. It's the love and compassion coming from our heart to others that will never be lost or forgotten. It's the people that make an imprint on us ... we cannot take them for granted. We must stop, for just a second, and be grateful for our loved ones.

I know that I will forget to count my blessings- maybe as early as tomorrow. But, for today, I'm grateful for the people in my life that matter so much to me.

Here's to you this gloriously hot football Saturday. I'm wishing you well in your life struggles, whatever they may be. I'm hopeful that you have love and compassion coming from the hearts of those surrounding you. If you've forgotten to be grateful like me, it's okay. It's not too late.

Take a moment and just love:)

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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Tuesday Tip: Smile:)

Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile?

It's actually more work to be crabby and sad than happy and joyful.

Why not just let magic happen ... smile!

A few weeks ago, I blogged about my husband telling me how beautiful I was ... WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE THE NASTY SCOWL ON MY FACE! Yes, he called me out on my muscle work-out. I was truly choosing to be crabby and my face actually did hurt a little from all the glares I was giving out.

It's easy to get caught up in the crap. It's hard to just roll with the punches. It's difficult to just go with the flow.

BUT ... there is joy in everything ... you just have to find it.

Smiling and greeting people is such an easy way to find love and peace. Most of the time, when you offer your bright smile, you will be greeted with one just as big and bright.

Your smile could change the world. It could be the difference of someone turning his/her own day around.

Try this ... smile at the first person you see tomorrow. If they don't smile back, offer them a friendly greeting. If that doesn't work, wish them a happy day. Continue this process until your bucket is completely filled by others returning the smiles and kind wishes.

When you reach out to others, they will respond.

Tomorrow morning ... I vow to smile at my children instead of scowl at them. I promise to offer them a Wonderful Wednesday with a bright and cheerful attitude. There may be moments I fail, but I am certainly going to try.

A little giggle for you to smile about ... an 'it's okay' moment that must be shared ... this morning I had four very tired children. The long weekend definitely got the best of them and the best of me. So, I did what all good mother do (NOT!) and I bribed them. "Hey, today is such a Terrific Tuesday that we get to have a cookie on the way to school if we can make it through our morning without any trouble!"

As my boy was getting shooed out of the car to head to walking club at school (with a half eaten cookie hanging out of his mouth), my comment was slightly pathetic. "Hurry up and shove that cookie in your mouth. Good mom's don't give their kids cookies before school!"

Have a Wonderful Wednesday tomorrow. Remember to smile. Don't let the 'it's okay' moments of life get you down. Realize the power you have in your positivity and don't be afraid to share it! Happy Smiling!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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My Other Half ... For Better Or Worse

"Honey, how about you mow while I weed eat?"

In my mind ... "Honey, how about you take that mower and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!"

Okay. I didn't say that out loud ... especially since he asked me right in front of my parents.

A chuckle and a banter about who has mowed more this summer occurred. And I sucked it up and mowed.

Marriage is a funny thing. The two parties involved are not always on the same page. The two people who vowed to love each other until death do them part- don't always like each other. Ambition and desire to complete the necessary tasks of daily living do not always occur at the same time.

We are a team. We are a 'us' and not an 'I'.

I get that. I do. I understand that marriage is not supposed to be easy. I understand that some days I may not like the person I vowed to love. BUT ... all those out there who are married understand that while marriage is beautiful in one breath, it is just as ugly in the other.

My husband and I met while we were both teaching at the same school. We used to send students between our classes with notes for one another. We would meet out on the playground and have recess at the same time. We did the 'little' things that made our love 'big' and strong.

After years of marriage and four little people taking over our lives, it's hard to find time to do the 'little' things that make such a big difference.

So, today, we worked together. I mowed (and fought off my negative attitude and true feelings) and he did the weed eating and poop-picking up! We, of course, later bantered about who did the most work and the most difficult job! When it was done, I must say that it felt wonderful. I was glad it took half the time since we worked together. His desire to 'getter-done' helped us to have more time to just enjoy the weekend.

"Honey, your motivation to get things done today was inspiring ... AND annoying. Really, more annoying than inspiring, but it's done."

That's a marriage, right? Doing what the other wants to keep the peace and to keep life moving. That's not to say that we don't squabble. Surely, you must know that we curse at one another occasionally. There are mean and snide comments. There are hurtful words shared. There are bad days, weeks and even months occasionally.

BUT, overall, there is love. There is joy. And, at the end of the day, I still love my husband. I still have fun with my husband. And, I certainly feel lucky to be stuck with him ... for better or for worse.

Last week, after many years of not working together, we got to be at the same meeting at the same time. Smirks and whispers took me back to our years of passing notes in the hallway of the elementary school we once met at.

An old friend of ours and one who taught with us many, many years ago was at the same meeting. I had heard she had a baby well after she was done having kids. I laughed, "Don't you know how that happens?" Her comment was so true, "At least it means my husband and I still like one another!"

So ... here's to you and your spouse! Here's to the wonderful, blissful and amazing moments that you share. Here's to the 'it's okay' moments and fingernails-on-the-chalkboard moments that leave you wondering how you could truly dislike the person that you love so much.

Marriage is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be all fun and games. Hopefully the wonderful moments out-weigh the bad ones and that you can take a look back into the joy that once brought you together.

Happy long weekend!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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