Slow Down ... Long Enough to Reflect!

You know that old saying, "Stop to smell the Roses"? Have you ever stopped to ponder what that really means? Well ... I did ... in Walmart!!!

Yes, it was early Sunday morning at Walmart, that I had a moment. Teary eyed, with my turquoise eye shadow remnants (Raina had done my eye shadow the night before), I pondered what I have been missing the last two months. I have literally been living moment by moment- purchasing things the night before or the moment before it is needed and finishing up tasks just as they were due. I often didn't even know what the next day had in store for me.

I realized as I was shopping Sunday morning that I hadn't even taken time to plan anything for Memorial Day. A day that is meant to appreciate the very lives we are blessed with. A day that honors men and women who were brave enough to risk their lives for you and ME! A day that is meant to be spent with loved ones ... And, I hadn't even given it a thought.

We all get caught in the hamster wheel of life. Everyone is busy in their own way. It's truly what we choose to do with our busyness that can set our appreciation for life apart from others.

I'm in the season of life where it's very easy to get caught up in schedules and checking things off my to-do list, but this is no way to live. And the only person that can stop & slow down in the midst of the craziness ... is ME! I must own my season of life and not lose sight of the big picture. Family and friends must stay a priority and all the rest can wait.

What is your to-do list? My little Raina made a list not too long ago & it reminds me of what is really important. I thought of these things as I was strolling down the isles of Walmart- trying to stock our empty cupboards and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. There is so much terrible stuff in the world, but there is FAR MORE wonderful and beautiful things in the world to take notice of!

Sometimes I think we don't stop- because if we stop and slow down, if we stop and put our phones down, if we stop and quit busying ourselves with tasks, THEN we have to feel. We have to feel overwhelmed or sad or lonely or unsure or unsettled. But when we don't allow ourselves to feel the real feelings we have buried inside, then we miss the very moments that might change our feelings to that of joy, happiness or love.

As I checked out from Walmart, I had the best conversation with the sales associate. She was lovely. She too has four kids. She too is living the hamster wheel- just trying to make ends meet to be able to enjoy her own blessings. But, there she was, working, so that I could try to catch up on life. Perspective.

Walking out to my car, my two pizzas fell off the cart and landed upside down. My watermelon rolled into the middle of the street. I remembered that I hadn't even brushed my teeth (no judgment ... if I brush my teeth, the dog thinks it's time to eat and the whole house would have been woke up ... plus, I had a mint and a coffee!). I was a hot mess and I didn't even have kids with me. I let myself remember the days of screaming kids, overflowing carts, baby carriers and sheer exhaustion.

That season of toting around littles is gone. Over. Did I savor any of those moments? Was I running so fast that I forgot to stop and smell the roses? Those of you who know me know I DON'T run these days (and have never run fast), but I'm talking more about moving through life so fast just trying to keep afloat, that I maybe didn't stop to feel the feelings that were happening in the tough moments.

So this Memorial Day, and the many days that follow, I encourage us all to slow down ... Long Enough to Reflect. And Long Enough to Feel! Too many beautiful souls are no longer with us to reflect and feel. It is up to us! Go forth slowly and with a strong heart!

Lots of love is being sent to all those who have lost loved ones and to all those who have served so that I can have a life to appreciate!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Confessions of a Non-Yeller!

I admit it.

I am a yeller. You know, one of those moms who yells a lot.

I never used to be. I used to be calm, patient ... kind. I used to reteach my children over and over. I used to explain in a loving, gentle tone.

I remember the year I started yelling. I remember the guilt and anguish I felt. I thought I was a horrible person ... the worst mom in the world. I had become 'one of those angry moms' that I never wanted to be. You know, the ones who you see at the store who scowl and growl at their kids instead of holding their hands and kissing them on top of their heads.

It was the year my oldest turned four. She was okay (we used to laugh that we did good on the first one!). But our two-year-old son was a nightmare. That kid was into everything. He was the one you read about that would stick shit in the light sockets. I also had two BIG dogs. One of which should have been on ADHD meds. Plus, our precious, beautiful, brown-eyed third born, turned into a 'hell-on-wheels' one-year-old.

I only yelled occasionally at first. It was so rare and I was so ashamed that I never talked about it.

Well ... another kid and years later ... it's all out there. When we have date night and talk about our little assholes, I'm no longer ashamed to admit that yelling is a natural way of life most days in our house.

UNTIL now. Ugh. I gave up yelling for Lent. Seriously, who has to give up yelling for Lent??? Yep- me!

This picture reminds me of my early yelling days. It's a perfect example of how Facebook is NOT reality. I posted this amazing Easter Egg picture years ago ... and I'm sure everyone looked at it and probably thought, "What an amazing mom! She dyes eggs with her kids. They are so happy!"

Reality: I had just lost my shit. They were all touching and pushing and messing up a perfectly good 'moment'. Damn. Why do kids do this? Ha! They do it because they are kids! And that whole 'picture perfect moment' DOES.NOT.EXIST! There are only perfect mili-seconds scrambled into the crazy reality of parenting.

So, back to NOT yelling for Lent. It has been almost two weeks now. I have not lost my shit once. No adult temper tantrum. No slamming doors. No throwing objects. I have made it almost TWO WHOLE weeks. It's so sad that I'm actually really proud of this!

Yay, me! Right?!?! Well, last night I was very honest with my kids that I was about to BLOW! But, alas, I did not.

These last two weeks, I have felt sensitive, sad and a little vulnerable. Not in a bad way. In a BIG feeling kind of way. You see, I have big, enormous emotions ... that have to come out somehow. And when I took out the anger, irritation and 'quick-to-temper' feelings, I was exposed.

In the last two weeks, I have had more meaningful conversations with my children. I have sat down and played more. I have listened without judgment. I have been patient (though through gritting teeth occasionally). I have been grateful.

More than anything, these last two weeks have reminded me how much I love my little assholes. And, that saying, 'You always hurt the ones you love' ... well, it should be burned. Why do we hurt those we love the most? Why do we use up all our patience on people that we don't spend the most time with. Why do we take for granted that the people closest and dearest to us might not always be around.

There you have it! You now know I'm a crazy-ass yeller (or was until two weeks ago)! You know that I lose my shit regularly (Lord help me these next four weeks of Lent!). You know that I call my children 'Little Assholes' (in the most loving way possible!).

You know that I am imperfectly perfect! And I am finally okay with that! What's my saying?!?! Oh yeah, 'It's Okay'!

Whatever struggles you are having, I'm sending good vibes your way. Know that you are loved and cared for by so many. Open yourself up to feel that love. Be vulnerable. Be exposed! Go forth and love big. It might hurt at first- but it'll be worth it in the end!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Oh Yeah, Babe! OFY!

OFY?!?!

Are you wondering about these silly letters? Wonder no more!

Our Flipping Year!

Granted, the second word was changed ... the original is too fowl to actually write in a blog. Some of you may have heard this story, but it's too good not to get down on paper (or in cyberspace).

It was late December and the morning of our 13th wedding anniversary. My dork of a husband came into the bathroom with his hand in the air for a High 5. I humored him and gave him a High 5. He then stated, "Two times, two times." I played along and slapped his hand twice. Then with an even bigger grin, he said loudly, "Three times, three times!"

So there we stood in our bathroom, giving each other three High 5's. You'd think that would be the highlight. But no. My hubby went on to talk about how this was our 'Lucky 13'! He went on and on about how lucky '13' is and how this was going to be OUR year. "Our Flipping Year!" He stated this over and over.

I began to believe his silly sentiments. We walked around the house the next few days, grinning and winking at each other. "OFY, baby!" That's all we'd need to say to get us ramped up yet again for our luckiest 13th year ever.

A week later we were driving to a hotel for a family reunion. The kids were in the back of the van wondering what floor we'd be staying on. One of the kids mentioned not wanting to be on the 13th floor. Then a conversation ensued about how many hotels don't even have a 13th floor because of superstitions that it would bring the hotel bad luck.

It dawned on me ... 13 was NOT lucky. What in the hell had he been talking about? OFY? This was NOT going to be our year - it was our UNLUCKY 13. I quickly hit his arm as hard as I could and yelled at him, "Lucky 13. You are full of **it. I can't believe I ever listened to you."

He quickly started laughing and said, "It's still OFY, babe! It is what we make of it. We can still make it Our Flipping Year! OFY. O ... F ... Y ... !"

You see, this story is a perfect example of our lives being what we make of them. Every day is as good as we let it be. There is no perfect life or marriage or job or friend or, or, or! Life is not perfect, but it's as perfect as we allow it to be!

Perfect imperfections.

We get to choose every second of every day whether gratitude will lead our attitude. Life is a gift that we must not take for granted. When things go wrong (and they most certainly will), we can love, learn and grow. Joyful moments are grand, but mistakes and trials are grander. For it is in these moments that we truly appreciate the very life we have been given.

Go forth today and choose goodness. Choose gratitude. Choose OFY, baby! O.F.Y!

This moment, this day, this week, this month, this year ... is definitely what you make it. Put your hand up & go not for one High 5, but three instead!!!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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I Used to be THAT Mom!

So ... I totally used to be THAT mom! You know, the one who really has her crap together. Really, I did. I'm not lying.

Let's review some of my great moments (just to make myself feel better!). I made a Barbie cake for my oldest when she was four- all by myself- I even put a new Barbie in the cake. I used to have family costumes every year ... with a theme! I used to make Christmas cards (one year I even scrapbooked the damn thing)! I clipped coupons. I did NOT let my kids have electronics or GUNS. I used to read to my kids EVERY night! We used to eat dinner together- EVERY meal.

Okay- I feel better. See, I really did USED to be THAT mom! That amazing mom that I always wanted and strived to be. So you might ask, "What are you now?"

Let me just tell you what kind of mom I am now. Let's start with ... dividing and conquering ... never eating dinner together ... saying goodbye to real meals ... not caring if my children are playing with electronics ... purchasing LOTS of guns for my nerf-loving son ... buying birthday presents on the way to the party ... having so much laundry that there's no clean underwear ... running out of toilet paper (HOW in the HELL does THIS happen?!?!) ...

I could go on and on and on. But let me end with a true picture of what kind of mom I have become.

Tonight I got home three minutes before needing to leave with the oldest for swim practice. The two middles were with their dad on their way to wrestling. I walked in to see a spread of random left-overs, dirty dishes - crap everywhere. I grabbed myself some cheese and crackers and ensured that my oldest had eaten SOMETHING (I didn't really care what!). We were on our way out when the youngest threw a tantrum because a new show was on. Really?

It was at that moment that I realized no one bothered to make sure the five-year-old had made her own dinner. Who does that? Makes their kids make their own dinner; night after night. I figured we'd just drop the oldest off and head back home to feed the littlest cranky child. So in the car we went (I should add here that the littlest was cranky, but also shoe-less and coat-less).

When we arrived at swimming, I had to go in to check how over-due we were on our balance. In walked my coat-less and shoe-less #4! Then, instead of going home to feed her dinner, I took her out for drive-thru ice cream (it was delicious!). And, no, she hadn't even eaten dinner yet. We headed back to swimming to just hang-out. She was still coat-less and shoe-less! Oh, and her hair was to-die for!.

The best part was the dad (with his three littles) who obviously thought I was THAT mom. Not the mom that has it all together, not the mom I USED to be. But THAT mom ... the tired, haggered, not-giving-a-crap mom. I wanted to tell him the whole story- explain that I really wasn't a horrible mother; that I really did have my crap together.

Instead- I played and laughed and watched my hoodlem of a daughter sounding out words on all sorts of signs. What fun we had.

Oh, how time changes us. This time in our lives is crazy. It's busy. It's lonely. But, damn, it's GOOD!

While I used to be THAT mom that had it all together- I'm proud to say I'm now just THAT normal mom, doing the best job I can. Living. Loving. Trying. Failing. Trying again. Loving again. Living again!

Whatever road you are on- don't get caught up in what others are thinking of you. Be proud of who you are, who you have become and who you are continuing to BE!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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True Confessions #idiot101

Seriously ... I can NOT make this stuff up!

While I am an elementary school counselor and would not recommend negative self-talk like, "I'm an idiot," these events are quite deserving!

After posting a beautiful breakfast that I prepared last Thursday on Facebook, things seemed to start spiraling. I know I've written about those moments that you feel you have it all together and feel like a super star, but then reality sets in. Well ... yet again, this was one of those moments!

So Sunday morning, Daylight Savings Time, turned out to be a delight. We had extra time in the morning to relax, eat breakfast as a family and truly, just not rush out the door to church. Let me clarify, that I WISH we were more consistent about church. However, it is one of those 'consistently inconsistent' things in our house (I'm working on this!).

We made it in the car and were only going to be a smidge late (yes, even with the extra time, I was running late getting ready). I didn't have my husband with me because he was going to head to a work fundraising event early and we were going to meet him there.

I was a little confused because mass seemed to already be started- and I mean, it already seemed half-way done. Well ... that was because it WAS half-way done. I went AT THE WRONG TIME. We didn't even have to walk into the mass to feel the shame. Luckily there were eight people outside mass to witness my embarrassing moment. One woman thought I missed the memo to move my clock back an hour. One assured me this had always been the time mass started. And, one sweet man told me to just go in, as they hadn't taken Communion yet. None of these things were helpful for my pride.

UGH. We walked our shameful selves out the door. My son, "Thanks, Mom. That was embarrassing for us." I didn't respond. Little did he know- that was embarrassing for only one person ... the mom who DOES NOT HAVE HER YOU KNOW WHAT TOGETHER :-)

Happy Monday! Please know when you feel like you don't have it together ... YOU are NOT the ONLY one!

My laundry sat in the washer all day yesterday- I plan to just rewash it.
My youngest hasn't brushed her hair in days- and I'm not fighting it.
My oldest hasn't used toothpaste in a week- though she is brushing with water (YUCK!).
My kids sheets are filthy- I had hoped to wash them Sunday, but we all know what happened there.

Seriously. From the moment I had my first child, people said, "You have to just let things go. Enjoy the moments with your children."

I think I may have taken this advice a tad-bit too far! My husband refers to me as the 'dumbest smart person he knows'! This is truly out of love ... and oh, so very true!

What have you let go? There's no shame in admitting! You are not alone. Every day we all try our very best- and that is what counts!

Here's to being on time (at the right time), completing laundry and helping kids have good hygiene! I've got my goals for the week.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Where's YOUR Magic?

Magic ... Is magic even real? Or, is it just an illusion? A figment of our imagination? A play on reality?

Our family just got back from the most 'Magical' place on earth. It certainly was magical- so magical that it didn't even seem real. How could one place hold so much life & beauty & amazement?

As we were enjoying our last day, I found myself looking around. I was studying faces and buildings; trying to take it all in.

I realized the most magical thing about the most magical place on earth didn't have anything to do with where I was. It was who I was with. My magic was right there, with me ... AND ... I got to bring it home!

I let myself stop for a moment of silence and recognition for those who have lost loved ones, who are struggling with a health issue, who would dream of having time with the special people in their lives and for those who don't see the magic that is all around them.

There is no perfect place. There is no perfect life. There is no perfect time.

Magic is all around us- everywhere we go- IF we slow down long enough to recognize it.

So many of us take the gifts that are right in front of us for granted (myself included). It's okay. Let's take charge of the magic today.

Stop. Breathe. Soak in every bit of magic that is all around you.

Sun. Nature. Family. Smiles. Laughter. Dumb jokes. Heath. Freedom. Shopping. Coffee. Snuggles. Kisses. Animals. Blankies. Flowers. Fresh cookies. Comfy beds. Work. Friends.

Magic. It's all around you. Don't miss it!

Have a Magical day, princess! Enjoy the Magic Show, fine prince!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Gratitude is an Attitude!

Gratitude is certainly an attitude!

I am not sure where I have heard this ... I am sure someone needs credit and only wish I could give credit where credit is due! But, alas, I am sure that person is grateful that I am spreading this message.

The funny thing about gratitude is that when we are focused on what is good in our life, it's hard to get down or angry about the things that are not. Life is hard. Life can certainly really suck. Life can be down-right awful.

However ...

Life is amazing and wonderful and it is certainly a blessing.

Just to be alive and breathing is a gift. We must focus on the good while we are busy living. Not everyone has that chance.

My cousin lost her battle to cancer almost a year ago. Not a day goes by that her smile doesn't creep into my thoughts. I learned SO much from her about gratitude. She was ALWAYS looking to the good in life. She wasn't fake or overbearing about it in any way. Her genuine style and way of approaching difficult topics always led back to how lucky we are to even be apart of this gigantic thing called life.

I can't tell her anymore how much she taught me. But, I can honor her memory and spread just a little piece of her every time I choose good.

What are you choosing these days? Are you bitter or angry or caught up in your daily struggles? It's okay. We are human and we are definitely ALL guilty of it.

Today, though, you have the power. Choose good. Believe in your gifts. Spread love. Change your attitude.

Gratitude is an attitude!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Take a Look in the Mirror

Take a look in the mirror ... what do you see?

An old & tired mama looking at me!

Isn't it funny how time passes? How all of a sudden it's October and you ponder, "Where has the time gone?"

Life is a hamster wheel, and it will continue to turn and turn and turn. UNLESS, we STOP and take a look in the mirror. UNLESS, we STOP and reflect where we want to be!

Busy is a way of life these days. For so many, we'd be lost without the calendar on our phones. We have so many events each day that we have to schedule time to poop.

Life will keep spinning. Time will keep passing. UNLESS, we STOP and take a look in the mirror.

If you took time to stop and reflect, what would see? Are you happy with where you are at? Are you enjoying the people in your life? Are you fostering the very relationships that bring you the most joy?

Today, on this first Monday in October- I have stopped. I've taken time to write; something that brings me such joy. Today and throughout this week, I will attempt to stop the hamster wheel (even if just for moments at a time).

Take a look in the mirror today. Are you where you want to be in this craziness we call life? If not, allow yourself to stop & reflect. Take time for what brings you joy! YOU are worth it. Don't let life pass you by for one more day ....

Take a look in the mirror ... what do you see? NOT an old and tired mom looking at me. But, a woman with so much life to live, so much love to give!

#takealookinthemirror

#takechargeofwhatyousee

#onlyYOUcancontolYOURlife

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#MarriageMonday: A Letter To My Husband

Dear Hubby,

I call you 'hubby' not because that's our special nickname or because it has any significance. I call you 'hubby' because every time I tried to call you on the phone, other 'Tim's' popped up. I was tired to having to scroll to the right 'Tim' and so I renamed you. Just like that- after all this time, I gave you a new name!

Let's talk about ALL this time. Where did the time go? What in the hell happened to us? It seems like just yesterday you were chasing me down the halls of the first school we worked at together. You might tell that story different- but we both know it's true. You knew you couldn't live without me.

I suppose if we get honest . . . I couldn't live without you either. I just had no idea where we'd end up.

So here we sit many years down the road, four kids later, making even more adjustments to our life.

We have been beyond blessed to have only the normal stressors of marriage. There haven't been any major health or wealth problems. There's been no infidelity or deep dark secrets. We've been damn lucky.

However, we have also worked really hard. There's been lots of 'talks'. I know in these 'talks', I talk A LOT. You've even mentioned a time or two that I beat a dead horse. Non-the-less, it's work.

Today we head down a different path. You're off to a new job. The one thing that has stayed consistent in our life together is change. Change has continued to occur often and I have continued to struggle with it.

Yep . . . I'll admit it! I very much dislike change. I'm not a first born or a Type A personality. But, I certainly like my ducks all in a row. I like to prepare and anticipate what is coming. I like to be in control!!!!

This last week has been a little shaky. Irritation could be used as an understatement and the tension certainly could have been cut with a knife. I've been short, snippy and edgy. I know this. Below is what I really meant to say instead of glaring and yelling at you most of the weekend!

Dear Hubby,

I love you. I'm beyond proud of you. You are an amazing man- your work ethic, parenting and wife-caring skills are untouchable. I can take you anywhere. Your charisma and charm mold you to any situation. While you suck at dealing with death or uncomfortable situations, your inappropriate jokes are always a hit. You're consistent- a constant among all the change. You're a rock; a solid voice of reason for so many. You're genuine, real and honest. You're caring! And . . . you're freaking funny (though you used to be way funnier when I was younger!).

As we maneuver the new path we are headed down, there's not another co-pilot I'd rather have. You can count on my special 'crazy' staying around (I know I'm a control-freak!), but I'll work on my glaring! Keep on keeping on hubby of mine. I'm so lucky to have you!

Lots of love forever and always,
Wifey

P.S. I love you to the moon and back 10,000 times (even if Raina only loves you 16 . . . I've got to be someone's favorite!).

If only we could all use our words just a smidge better. What would marriages be like if we could actually say what we were feeling? What if we could control our behaviors to avoid assumptions and judgments?

Does your spouse know how you feel about a current situation you're in? Have you taken time to communicate? If you're over-due like I was . . . don't stress. Seize the moment and do it now! Send a text, make a call, write a note. Our marriages are certainly worth the work!

#MarriageMonday

Communicate today

 #taketime #sayhowyoufeel 

Show appreciation

#stopglaring #dokindthings 

Stay calm

 #expectchange #deepbreaths

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#MarriageMonday: Why Are You Acting Like a Child?

You might assume that my title is referring to my husband! I often get asked what it's like to raise five kids instead of four (he is such a fun-loving soul that he gets mistaken for a child). However, when I ask, "Why are you acting like a child?", I am referring NOT to him, BUT TO ME!

Yes, ME!

There are moments in our marriage when I act like anything but an adult. Full-blown, stomping my feet, tantrums.

I've blogged and written several stories about the difficult times in my parenting. The 'real' times when I feel as small as a pea. The moments when I have been yelled at, hit, or been embarrassed beyond belief.

The other day it occurred to me . . . they act just like I do. YIKES!

My husband went fishing last week. The kids really did quite well. There was a moment though, on Saturday afternoon before he got home that my seven-year-old had a major melt-down. The kind of melt-down that makes you run through the house making sure all the windows and doors are closed so no one else knows just how crazy your house can get! It ended with, "I wish you weren't even here. I WANT DAD!"

It occurred to me that her screaming, hitting, throwing, etc. was her way of saying, "I miss dad."

For years after my husband would return home from his week-long trip, I would find myself being crabby, more silent and very difficult to be around. I couldn't explain why I acted like I did and I certainly didn't like my behavior. I just couldn't get myself to stop.

I realized as I was watching my struggling child- my behavior was like that because I had missed my husband and worried about his safe return. All that pent up emotion was released- just not in the loving way I had hoped. All those years I acted just like a young child trying to express my big emotions.

When words are not expressed, behavior is a sure way to share our emotions. Most times, though, the behavior is not favorable.

Marriage is at it's best when words are shared often and honestly. Marriage is most successful when we communicate in positive ways. Marriage will win if forgiveness is given freely for the times we fail to 'use our words'.

Thank goodness for forgiveness! I am one lucky lady. My childish antics wouldn't be tolerated by many . . . though I can't say it's all bad that I was acting like the child pictured. We are certainly more alike than I would have ever cared to admit. Turns out she and I both have a large part of her daddy's heart!

This week look deep into your marriage. When do you struggle to be the spouse you want to be? What words are difficult for you to share? What behaviors are you hoping to improve?

Keep fighting the good fight. Great marriages don't just happen. Put in the work. Put in the time. And, don't forget- put in the words!

#MarriageMonday

Childish behaviors happen when #words are missing #communicate

We all mess-up #forgiveoften

#GreatMarriage= #talk #actinlove

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#WeekendWonder: Does Doing Less Give You More?

Whether it's work or play- I've always had a hard time slowing down. I tend to say 'yes' to too much. My motto was always, "It's only . . . ".

It's only an hour a week.
It's only one more thing.
It's only on the weekend.
It's only for a short time.

It's only . . .

When you add up all the 'it's only' things you commit yourself to, one has to wonder how much joy you might be missing.

I've always used the excuse that it's helping someone or something. There's always a reason for the 'it's only'. BUT, I'm learning- no, I'm trying . . . to do less and care more.

The funny thing about slowing down is that there isn't much 'proof' that you've accomplished anything in your day. The house isn't spotless, an agenda isn't complete, a list isn't checked off. There is no tangible way to show that doing less gives you more joy.

However, in slowing down- I've noticed more. I've watched more. I've sat longer. I've allowed time to not fly by in the midst of a crazy schedule.

I won't lie and tell you that I am living in total bliss. I lost it just yesterday (and the day before!). BUT- my blow-ups and melt-downs aren't as frequent and don't last quite as long. The lectures are shortened, the looks aren't quite as intense and I've even laughed once or twice!

Certainly we all need to do our part in order to help our communities survive and even thrive. Our kids still need to be active and involved. Sometimes, though, I found the stress of our schedule affected me in an unhealthy way.

So for a short window of time this summer I am going to strive to do less and care more. I know I will still yell; forget to count my blessings; get annoyed . . . I'll forget. But I will try not to!!!!!

How about you? Is the craziness of life getting in the way of your appreciation? We can only look into our own lives. Comparisons and judgments will get us no where. For just this weekend- wonder if you're able to truly enjoy the blessings surrounding you and if not, try to decide what would make a difference for YOU!

Do a little less and care a little more!

#WeekendWonder

Does doing less allow you to care more? #taketime

Accomplishing tasks won't provide more #peoplewill

 Notice #smiles #awe #joy

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#MarriageMonday: How's Your Tree Growing?

Strong soil.

Sun.

Water.

Air.

These are the ingredients that it takes to make a tree grow. Without even one, the tree will not continue to blossom every year.

I sat out on my front porch last night and caught a glimpse of our tree. It's only ten years old, so it's no monster. BUT, it is beautiful. It is strong. It is continuing to blossom year after year.

When our tree started out, it was barely a twig. When a strong wind came up, I remember worrying it would come right out of the ground. And shade? Well let's just say that there may have been a small Barbie that could have found shade in our original baby tree.

The beauty in our front yard is like our marriage story; each limb and leaf holding a memory of our years together. And the roots of our tree now . . . deep, thick and sustaining life.

Marriages begin with love. There is hope and anticipation. But the roots of our marriage aren't there just because we say, "I do!". Each interaction, struggle and memory strengthen our 'tree'. The good, the bad and the ugly define the shape of our growing relationship.

While our tree is representative of the marriage, it is critical to recognize that two people come together to make it whole. If half the tree dies, the rest will not survive.

We must encourage our spouse to do what he/she loves to do in order to keep our tree thriving. We each need to bring our best self to the marriage and we cannot do that if we are not happy.

Recognizing each other's strengths.

Accepting one another's limitations.

Compromising to show compassion to our spouses.

Encouraging our partners to do what they love.

These are the ingredients to making our marriages as strong as an aging tree.

This week my husband is long gone to Canada. He is doing what he loves. Some people think I'm crazy to 'let' him go away for a week each year. I think I'd be crazy NOT to encourage him to go. This is his passion- he deserves, no, he NEEDS, to do what he loves. He is a better version of himself when he gets to take time to do what he is good at and enjoys.

Staring at our tree last night I thought back to before we got married. I remember when my hubby first went away for a week. I missed him. I worried about him. But I didn't understand how strong I'd be with him and how intertwined we'd become. Our story is so different from that first trip- so much richer and deeper than I ever could have imagined. My love and worries are so different now.

Our marriages- all of our marriages will die off slowly, limb by limb, if we don't foster our spouses. We must give our marriages the best chance we can of survival. We must help our partners be the best they can be so that our roots, limbs and leaves will become big and strong; able to sustain hard times that will inevitably challenge our growth.

This week contemplate how your tree is growing. What challenges are standing in the way of adding an extra root? What can you do to foster your spouse and encourage him to do what he loves? How can you communicate your own needs better so your spouse is aware of your passion?

Marriage won't just grow.

Put in the time. Recognize your better half.

Appreciate his strengths. Accept her limitations. Compromise and show compassion. Most importantly . . . encourage him to do what he loves.

Step back. Appreciate the beauty in the tree the two of you have grown together!

#MarriageMonday

Marriage = Tree #storyofourlife

Each root, limb & leaf! Foster your marriage tree

#appreciate #accept

2 become 1

#encourage

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#WeekendWonder: Are You Putting Your Face In?

I got in.

I got wet.

What more could they want?

This season hasn't been the warmest for swimming. I'm not going to lie . . . I've LOVED it! Heat and I do not get along. And sitting at the pool baking for hours is not my favorite pastime (not to mention the fact that dressing in a swimsuit is less than flattering to this aging, saggy, four-kids-later body). But, the kids absolutely adore summer swimming.

The day I got in was a chilly and overcast day. Only three families were at the pool including ours. It was perfect. As a bonus, the water was quite warm (warmer than the air)!

My four-year-old is quickly learning the art of strong swimming. She's quite good. Her only downfall is her perfected doggy paddle. I am constantly barking, "Put your face in."

We were having a grand old time. I was swimming and pool was ours. "Put your face in," continued to come out of my mouth over and over to remind her to actually swim and perform some strokes.

My son looked at me as we were treading in the deep end, "Why don't YOU put your face in?"

My self talk was more than pathetic! "Well, son, this isn't my first rodeo. I know how to swim. I'm in the water, my hair is wet . . . what more do you want from me?"

Instead of spewing that non-sense at him, I simply stated, "I'm good, thanks!"

Thinking back on this interaction in the pool reminded me of so many areas in my life. Am I putting my face in? Am I fully participating in the blessings and activities around me? Or am I simply doggy-paddling my way to the edge just to get by; just to say that I did it?

This weekend take some time to wonder what your life would be like if you put your face in. Contemplate where you might need to take the plunge and get engrossed in the joy that is waiting for you.

Don't just float through the craziness of life. Jump in! Cannon ball. Dive! Whatever you do, PUT YOUR FACE IN!!!!! Love the life that is yours. Participate fully. Perfection is impossible, but if you're not even trying- happiness is unreachable.

Take time. Put your face in. Quit half-assing a million little things and put some effort into the important areas of your life. When you do this- your perfectly imperfect world will be as crystal clear as the pool!

#WeekendWonder

Are you fully participating in your life?

#jump #dive

Don't just float to the edge

#putyourfacein

Love your life

#itisuptoyou

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#MarriageMonday: Maybe It's YOU!

Marriage is . . .

Compromise.

Marriage is NOT . . .

Change.

Now, I'm no idiot. I know that life is one consistent change after another. I'm not talking about the twists and turns of life that create change.

Marriage is NOT changing someone to be who you want them to be!

Marriage is all about compromising and understanding your spouse's perspective. It is taking your spouse for who he is and loving him anyway. Compassion and care must be at the heart of your marriage if the two of you are going to thrive.

Think about if compromise and compassion were at the heart of your marriage. You wouldn't need to change any faults about your spouse because he/she would be compassionate about your needs and would compromise to make sure the both of  you could be happy.

What if we lived in a world of acceptance; understanding that we are all blessed with strengths and limitations. We can't change who we are. Certainly we can adapt and make small improvements to ourselves. BUT, again, each of us has specific strengths and obvious limitations that we were born with are a part of who we are.

It's easy in a marriage to start keeping score and to point fingers. Heck, this is easy in any relationship.

Instead of pointing your finger at your spouse- point it at yourself. Maybe compromise and compassion haven't been at the forefront or your decisions and reactions. Maybe your expectations are unfair or impossible for the person that you married.

Take time to reflect on the relationships in your life. Relationships with your spouse, friends, co-workers, children, etc. No matter who the relationship is with, there must still be compromise and compassion for the relationship to be a success. And you must take that person for who she is without trying to change her.

I'm lucky to have a partner in my marriage who knows my faults, understands my limitations . . . and loves me anyway! This week I will focus on ME! And ME only. I will strive to have all my reactions and make all decisions based on compromise and compassion. What a week it will be if I can do this!

Marriage is made up of two imperfect beings #accept

We cannot change a person #compromise

Lead with #compassion

Focus on YOU!

 

 

Please note: This blog is not intended for individuals who are in an abusive relationship. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, there is help. Contact 1-888-866-8660 or visit http://dhhs.ne.gov/behavioral_health/Pages/nebraskafamilyhelpline_index.aspx for support in Nebraska.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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#MarriageMonday: The OTHER Man!

The OTHER man?

WHAT?

What kind of marriage blog starts with 'the other man'?

Well, I guess mine does!

This #MarriageMonday was inspired not by my husband, but by the little man in my life that I call a son. His little actions spoke BIG words about my marriage.

My hubby was working late last week and I took on the job of mowing. While it was the last thing I wanted to do- my hope was that if I took care of the mowing Monday night, I could enjoy a Tuesday night with my husband.

The line in the grass started looking a little squiggly . . . a little off. And the mower started steering itself. I got to the end of the lawn and looked back to see a distorted 'wife-mowing-the-lawn' line in our grass. Now, I often pride myself in my independence and ability to handle most tasks. This line in the middle of the yard signified defeat. I was NOT going to give up.

"Honey, I need your help. Come quick!"

He jumped off the trampoline and came running. "What do you need, mom?"

I explained my line and showed him the wiggly wheel. Certainly this faulty mowing was NOT just me!

He was off like a jet. My nine-year-old son ran to the garage to get the tools needed to fix the wobbly wheel screwing up my mowing.

He stumbled back with the big black box. He could hardly carry the darn thing, but trudged it along as if his life depended on it.

He walked me through which tool I'd need and how to tighten the wheel. He didn't shame me or act as though I was stupid. He helped me with such love- with such pride in his work. He smiled often and loved seeing my face as we fixed the mower with his guidance and knowledge.

You see . . . in that moment I fell more deeply in love with my husband. Even though 'the other man' was the one doing the work, it was because of what my son had witnessed and learned in his short life- FROM HIS DAD!!!!

This Monday- take time to see your spouse through the eyes of someone your spouse has impacted. Notice the strengths, gifts and talents that you so often take for granted. Forget all the little annoying habits and focus on what really matters!

I am an independent woman. But darn it- I LOVE to be taken care of. And my husband knows just the way to do it. Isn't it amazing that he's done such a wonderful job that now even 'the other man' in my life knows how to take care of me, too!

                                

                              

 #MarriageMonday

Take time to see your spouse through the eyes of others

#noticehisimpact

Forget nuances

 #noticehisstrengths

#noticehisgifts

 

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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If Only . . .

If only.

What is your 'if only'?

More time? Money? Health? Love? Peace?

Have you ever thought, "I'd be so much happier if only . . ."?

It's hard to love the skin your in. It's difficult to take your life just the way it is. Our 'if only' list often wishes away the very essence of who we are. YET- we have all done it in one way or another.

How do we accept who we are and what our life has to offer, yet challenge ourselves to take full advantage of our blessings and strengths?

Life is hard. There are misunderstandings, misperceptions and a whole lot of other crap. Death. Divorce. Illness. Cruelty. Violence. How to we sift through the shit to find the treasures?

The 'It's Okay' philosophy came about because of three feelings . . . Guilt. Judgment. Inadequacy. It is time to reconnect with the very reason I started writing years ago. Whether these feelings are holding you back, or a million other feelings- it's time to start fresh.

We can't tackle our life like a checklist. We are not one 'if only' away from happiness. Happy times are available if we can clear the murky water long enough to see them.

Whatever pain is lingering inside you, whatever struggle is holding you down, whatever challenge is taking over your life . . . you are NOT alone.

Instead of your 'If Only' list, try this list instead!

1. Reach out to a special friend in your life.
2. Hug someone you love for an extra long squeeze.
3. Do something kind for someone struggling.
4. Find your happy place (if only for a second).
5. Love you for you- JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

May happy times be with you this week. May challenging roads not seem so steep. May loved ones surround you and remind you how amazing you are (even without your 'if only' list!).

 

Forget your 'If Only . . ." list!

Take charge of your happiness.

#loveyouforyou

#surroundyourselfwithlove

#findsmalltreasures

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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The Struggle of Finding Peace, Love & Joy!

Peace.

Love.

Joy.

Who knew three little words could be so powerful? Wouldn't it be something to be at ease and feel a sense of peace? What about having a heart so full of love it felt like it could burst? Or maybe, imagine feeling so happy that joy seeped from your very being.

"All I want is some peace and quiet!"

Are you kidding me? No one 'gives' me peace. I allow peace into my life when I choose. It's 100% up to me. When I choose to engage in activities that utilize the best me- I feel less stress. When I know how to say, "No!" to the things in life that leave me anxious or constantly doubting, I can find more peace.

I can choose peace. I can find comfort. I can allow myself to enjoy the calm amidst the wildest storm.

Hugs. Smiles. Laughter. Kind words. Love notes.

I can also choose love.

When the holiday cheer turns into the holiday sneer- I can steer clear of the things and people in life that bring me down. I can stay positive and loving.

I must remember that life will not be perfect. BUT, I must also remember that life is short and my loved ones may not be here one day. I must fight to cherish and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Joy to the world!!!!!!!!

Tis' the season to merry and bright. Right? Yes. Yes, it is! As long as I make it that way. My joy will abound when I seize the moments to truly appreciate the millions of blessings in my life.

It's time! We CAN . . . find peace, fill our hearts with love and spread the best and most joyful parts of ourselves.

Today I will give an extra hug. Smile more often than normal. Share kind words. Play a game. Listen and listen some more. Let go of what I cannot control. Sit in silence and put my phone down. Read. Do something I enjoy. Today I will count my blessings- one by one by one by one by one!

#findpeace Say 'yes' to slowing down the pace of life

 #findlove share your smile & a hug

 #findjoy Notice your blessings & have fun w/ them

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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Simple Pleasures: Simply LOVE the Skin You're In!

Falling leaves. Farm animals. Tire swings. Tree climbing. Fluorescent sunsets.

It's easy to notice the simple pleasures when looking at the world around- even enjoyable to search for beauty in the most unusual places.

It's more difficult to notice the simple pleasures within ourselves; our very different and unique selves.

Laugh lines. Shiny gray strands. Lumpy curves. Mistakes. Failures. Fears. Quirks.

Do I dare go on? Should we cover all the reasons it's so difficult to actually love the skin we are in?

The idea that we can relish in the simple pleasures of our life . . . well, it's easier said than done. BUT, we must try. In order to find contentment and happiness, we must strive to be grateful and diligently notice the simple pleasures surrounding us and within us.

Hardship. Illness. Death. Destruction. Dysfunction. Violence. Hatred. Misunderstanding.

There are a million reasons to avoid noticing or appreciating not only the greatness happening around you- but also within you.

The first step is to understand, appreciate and accept who YOU are. We are each created uniquely wonderful. Shape, size, hair color, strengths, abilities, freckles, birthmarks . . . it's all part of YOU. Along with those parts also come limitations- limitations can NOT be our focus, only thought of as part of the whole package; making us complete and just as human as everyone else.

When negativity or difficulties are knocking at your door, you can open it and let the dark and doom overshadow your life.

OR!

You can keep that door shut tight, head to the window, open it and let the fresh air flow in. You can find the glimmer of sunlight shining bright. You can notice the bird soaring through the sky. You can look deep inside and find the simple pleasures surrounding you and within you.

Look in the mirror. What do you see? I know it's hard- I know you'll go straight to the negatives. You'll notice the simple flaws.

STOP.

Look again. This time force yourself to notice the simple pleasures. The pieces of you that are beautiful and different. Then look deeper. Think of what makes you special, unique and important to this world.

The world is better because of YOU. This life simply wouldn't be the same without the simple pleasure of you being YOU.

"Mom, look up. What do you see? I see a crocodile eating an alligator."

Simple pleasure. Cloud gazing.

Simple pleasure. I'm not a perfect mom, but in that 'cloud gazing moment', life couldn't be more perfect. The negative tone I used earlier can be erased by the gentle creativity I share with my three-year-old.

Simple pleasure?

Yes, please!

It's totally up to me.

A simple request = take time to find the simple pleasures- around you and within you.

Look deep to find the beauty within yourself. Love you for you. Enjoy the skin you are in. Everyday is a gift . . . LIVE like it.

Simple Pleasures #SlowDownToEnjoyThem

Notice the beauty around you.

Notice the beauty within yourself.

 #Appreciate #FindHappiness #BeContent

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.  
 

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