Tuesday Tip: Take Time for You

It's so rare that we put #1 first ... but it's so very important.

Caring for of yourself in the midst of taking care of the life going on around you is easier said than done.

There isn't always time to do the things that make you the best you know you can be.

It's hard. There's never enough time.

BUT ... Do it anyway!

If you are not taking time to care for yourself, you are no good to anyone around you.

What is it that makes you feel most complete? What hobbies do you enjoy? Where do you feel most at peace? When do you feel the healthiest?

Even as I sit here writing about how important it is to take time for yourself, I'm reflecting on the million and two things that need to be done. And yet, none of those are as important as the reminder that it's okay to do something for yourself.

So, tonight I will head out after bedtime to get a little 'girl' time. I'll catch up with some old friends that I haven't seen in way too long. Some of them will make it and some of them will get caught up in their life with small children. Those of us that go will be so thankful that we left the house on this cold, blustery and wet fall day. It won't be easy for any of us to get there, but the payoff will be worth it!

Next summer, my husband will head out fishing for a week with friends. It's never easy for him to get away- but, darn it, it's so important. There will be a few weekends here and there that he sneaks away for a fishing or hunting day. It won't be as often as he'd like, but I'll support him as much as possible. He needs his outdoor time as much as I need my 'girl' time.

What have you done recently for yourself? What hobby or special thing do you have that's your very own? Do you do it? Do you make time to make your life worth living.

This morning I ran into a mom friend of mine. I had met her at church a few years back and have loved watching her family grow. She is beautiful in every sense of the word - kind, loving, supportive, caring, nurturing ... someone who I have always looked up to since I met. She is battling cancer. She is fighting every day.

My Tuesday Tip is more than just taking time for yourself ... it's also loving every minute of the life you have been blessed with. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Love yourself and the people around you. Take time to appreciate your health if you have it. Notice the strengths and gifts you have been blessed with and don't waste another day not using them.

Please keep those struggling with their health in your thoughts and prayers today. Do everything you can to nurture your own health- both your physical and mental health. We only have one life and one body! Take time to appreciate yours today!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Marriage Monday: Communication is the KEY!

If only communication with our spouse was as easy as this picture on the left.

Honesty is the best policy ... most of the time.

Our spouses, the ones we vowed to love until 'death do us part' have feelings. They are human and will struggle just like us. We can't expect perfection, but we must communicate lovingly about our expectations.

Have you ever had a disagreement, argument or down and dirty dog fight over miscommunication?

Last spring my grandmother passed away. I was supposed to read at the funeral. The morning of the dreaded miscommunication started because my husband thought our family needed to be at the church by 9:00 am.

First there was the knock at the door. My sister had come calling for my mom's keys. My hubby had moved her car the night before and she thought he still had them. Standing behind the door (in his underwear), my husband tried to explain that he had given the keys to my other sister.

The kids were so excited to see their aunt, that our madness in trying to get ready turned into complete chaos. My sister (who thought my husband was joking about being in his underwear) came through the door.

After some back and forth between rooms and hallway running by my children, the keys were found.

My already irritated husband was trying to load the car with the 'help' of our eight-year-old. Keys were missing once again, but this time they were ours.

There were nasty glares shared, huffs and puffs, and I'm pretty sure some foul language. Finally, we made it to the parking lot (mind you- I'm leaving out a LOT of joy created when getting four children ready in a small-town motel room).

We offered to take my dad with us (he was extremely sick and didn't even know if he could make it through the funeral). He was toughing it out so he could make it to his mother's funeral while trying to deal with his own spousal issue ... his very late wife.

As we were driving to the funeral, I couldn't understand why my husband was being such an ass. After all, it was my grandmother who had passed, it was my father who was sick and barely moving AND I had to read in front of a church full of people in a matter of an hour. I didn't even know where I was supposed to go when I got to the church, when I was reading or what exactly to expect.

I tried to communicate lovingly with my husband. This only pissed him off more.

"I HATE when you talk to me in that voice. It's so patronizing."

My response was even calmer than before so I could irritate him further. "Honey, I don't understand why you are so upset."

"UPSET? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE NOT MORE UPSET."

Again, staying calm. "What do you mean?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE READING."

I looked at the clock with a little panic. We still had 45 minutes to spare before mass started. I explained lightly, "I don't have to be there until 9:30."

"9:30? Ugh. Well, why the hell have you been so worked up then?" My husbands tone was as soft and sweet as ever.

From Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in about .02 seconds. Relaxed. Calm. Almost humming to a kind and friendly beat.

Are you kidding me? How on earth do you communicate with that?

In all seriousness, though, he was angry and frustrated out of concern for me. While he had a HORRIBLE time communicating that he was worried about me being late for my grandmother's funeral, his care was genuine.

It's funny how we respond to life. It's even funnier to be able to watch our spouses respond to life. Neither of us is going to do it right 100% of the time. Heck, we probably aren't going to do it right 25% of the time.

We get to see the very worst part of our other half and they get to see the worst part of us. And, yet, we love each other anyway.

Communication will continue to be a struggle, but marriages will only be as strong as the willingness from the two involved to try to understand each other. Our words must be truthful, but they must also be as loving as they can be.

We will mess-up. We will fail to communicate how we really feel. It's okay. We just can't stop trying.

This week, as you are communicating, be willing to see the other person's point of view. Be willing to find the care and concern that must be behind their emotions. Be as truthful and honest as you can while still being loving and kind. Share and share some more. Communication is key and it takes practice, practice, practice.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”  

-George Bernard Shaw

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Take Time to Unwind

Yesterday I picked up my daily devotional book (something I don't do as consistently as I should) and the message could not have been more clearly for me ... 

"Lie down in green pastures of peace. Learn to unwind whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children 'wired' much of the time, too tense to find Me in the midst of their moments. I built into your very being the need for rest. How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting this basic need. How much time and energy they waste by always being on the go, rather than taking time to seek My direction for their lives."

Guilt.

If there is one thing I can own in this world, it's guilt.

Before I became a mom, I would hear people talking about the 'mommy guilt' and didn't fully understand it's impact. I've come to realize though, that it's not just mommies that struggle with guilt. Surely, men are better at compartmentalizing their lives (and not intertwining every darn facet of daily living like most women), but they, too, struggle with allowing themselves to be human and mess-up.

Consistency is root of solving all issues. Consistency is amazing in theory ...

Cleaning, volunteering, making healthy dinners, reading up on latest trends, spending quality time with loved ones, working out - must I go on?

Life is anything but consistent. Every time I try to take 'control' of life, I'm reminded that I have very little do with controlling what is happening around me. The only thing I have control of (at least some of the time) is my reaction to what life throws at me.

It's funny how we think a weekly dinner board or a more organized closet or chore chart are going to solve the issue of life. WE CAN NOT CONTROL LIFE!

So, what's the answer?

I think I found it in my daily devotional yesterday ... let it go. Let go of the idea that doing just one more thing is going to 'fix' everything. The one more thing in your life is probably preventing you from getting the rest you need. It's causing you to busy yourself so much that you forget how critical it is to unwind.

This weekend, try not to rush around and spend all your time preparing for the week ahead. Take time for yourself to unwind. Relax with the people in your life you love the most. Don't beat yourself up if you stray from the routine. Allow yourself to NOT be consistent. Let go of the guilt.

I was reminded this morning by an old friend that I have four great excuses for not being consistent. It's time to appreciate where I'm at in life, let go of all the guilt that keeps me doing just one more thing and realize that tackling one moment at a time is okay!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Tuesday Tip: It's Okay

Good days. Bad days. Twists. Turns. Unforeseen troubles.

It's okay.

We must remember that most times in life, it's okay!

It's funny how one minute we can be high on life and the next minute covered in poo!

Last week, amidst my poor attitude, I got up early to go for a run. I had time to clean the kitchen before the kids got up, squeezed in a read from my daily devotional book and started making waffles.

I was high on life and thinking, "I don't know why I have been in such poor spirits."

I got a call from one of my daughter's friends' mom just as my two-year-old woke up. There was a few whines and a comment about needing to go to the bathroom. We had been without diapers and decided to brave a few nights without bedtime protection (needless to say, we'd had a few extra loads of laundry...store visits are just too daunting sometimes).

But, this glorious morning she had woke up dry.

I was finishing up my conversation and didn't want to be rude. I was on my way up the stairs when the whines turned into cries.

And then, I saw the poop ... ON THE STAIRS.

What was I to say to this mom? "Sorry, I have to go. My two-year-old just pooped all over the stairs." I'm not quite at that comfort level yet and would have been mortified!

I scooped up my daughter in one hand, phone in the other and v-lined to the bathtub. In the meantime, I wrapped up the conversation without sounding too frazzled, realized I had stepped in one of the piles of poo and deposited my daughter in the tub.

At that moment, things did not seem okay. Now I know not all of you are dealing with 'real' poop ... but life has several poo-catastrophe moments. From red lights on a day you are late, comments you wish you could take back, fights with your spouse or kids, illnesses or injuries that set you back, to a million other nuances that make up day to day living.

Life is hard. Shit hits the fan over and over and over.

However, there are glorious moments, too. Awe-filled, beautiful moments that make life worth living. These moments of amazement make it all okay. We must focus on these moments and try to put the others on the back burner.

The other morning, I got the poop cleaned up (that part of the stairs is cleaner than all the rest!). My kids still enjoyed their hot waffles. Everyone got to school on time. It was okay.

This terrific Tuesday ... try to notice the times in your day that are not going your way. And then force yourself to note the moment that you realize, 'It's okay.' The more often we celebrate life, the less often we will struggle.

Remember: You're not the only one covered in poop:)

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

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Marriage Monday: Remember When ...

"Remember when we first met, we would talk for hours and hours about how we would be in love forever ... and we still are."          -Unknown

Well, marriage certainly isn't that glamorous all the time. The butterflies that once existed turn into knots from irritation. The character traits that you once loved about your spouse, sometimes balloon into annoying habits.

While all this is true, we must fight to remember when ... we fell in love.

Do you remember the first time either of you said, "I love you"?

Was it mutual? Were you both dying to say it? OR ... did it slip out in an uncharacteristic moment?

My Catholic parents were somewhat disappointed with our decision to live in sin. It's probably good they didn't realize that my sister's address was merely just a mailing address long before I technically 'moved in' with my boyfriend.

I think we just always 'knew'. There was really no denying that we would end up together- forever.

So, one night when I was staying over, there was a terrible rainstorm. I had a horrible habit of leaving my car windows down! I awoke with a start in the middle of the night.

"Oh, crap! I left my windows down."

After getting up to close the bedroom window, my now husband looked at me and didn't miss a beat. "You know I love you, but I'm not going to go close your windows."

I didn't move. I wasn't sure if he really knew what he said. His face indicated that he did not mean to let those three little words roll off his tongue. We had never said anything about 'love'! And now, he just threw it out there- in the middle of the storm.

Needless to say, he rolled up my car windows. We both pretended that we didn't realize what was said. The next night, he tried to joking see if any damage was done by his comment.

"So you know when you asked me to roll up your windows?"

"Yes!" It was so fun to see him squirm.

"Well, I meant what I said."

"Well, me too!" Butterflies were jumping into my throat. The words had come and gone. And, life moved on as if it were always meant to be!

What about you? What's your special 'I Love You' memory? Do you have a good story to go with it? Does it bring a smile to your face to remember? Does it take you back to a simpler time in life?

This Marriage Monday take time to reminisce with your spouse. Talk about how things used to be. Laugh about future dreams you once had. Recall the hours and hours you spent talking.

We once vowed to never become the couple that sits in a restaurant for hours without anything to talk about - Good Lord, we beg for those quiet nights now!

Happy Marriage Monday to you! If this sparks a story that you must share, e-mail me at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com. Your story could be a part of my upcoming book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage! 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Focus On The Good

Focusing on the good is sometimes easier said than done.

The silver lining doesn't always shine through.

Sometimes, the bad seems too overwhelming.

BUT ...

You must continue to try to focus on the good. You must strive to find the sliver of hope that might exist. You must put your effort towards the bright and stay away from the dark as often as possible.

The other day as I was considering what to blog about, my irritating, annoying, jerk of a dog came to mind. I wanted to title my blog, "I Really Dislike My ..."! And then my first sentence was going to read, "DOG".

I then wanted to continue to write about tantrums and poop catastrophe's and arthritis and cancer and not understanding loved ones.

WHOA. HOLD ON! This blog is supposed to be positive and uplifting. It's supposed to remind us that it's okay to mess up and have bad days. It's supposed to make us feel better about life- not worse.

So, as I sat at my kindergartner's conference on Tuesday night ... it hit me. My husband and I were waiting, searching, almost begging to hear how awful our daughter was at school. What in the hell is wrong with us? Our daughter is amazing. Her teacher's words, "She is so full of joy and loves every bit of life!"

Why must we seek out the bad? Why do we constantly beat ourselves up over things out of our control? Why is it so difficult (some days) to find the amazing moments of glory that exist?

Last night I had the privilege of sharing a few cold beverages with a friend I don't see often enough. Someone in her life gave her some wonderful advice that stuck with me today. "You need to have an attitude of gratitude!" Wow. Don't we all?

There are at least a million and three things that I have to be thankful for in my life right now. It's okay that I've been a little on the negative side and forgotten. It's okay, because I've recognized my piss-pour attitude.

Today is a new day. It's okay to let go of yesterday. It's okay to admit that my attitude has not been full of gratitude. Today, I will focus on the good; not just in myself, but also in my damn dog and my spirited child!

Here's to you and your gratitude. Find the goodness today and everyday that you can!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

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Tuesday Tip: Relax

Oh boy ... RELAX!

Yes, I need to relax. Do you?

Kids will be kids. Accidents will happen. Milk will get spilled. Clothes will get colored on. Fingernails will get greasy and dirty.

Kids will be kids.

"Honey, relax!" Says my fun-loving husband.

Are you able to let go of the dishes? To not curse at red lights or slow drivers? To not get worked up over the little nuances of life?

Sometimes I am. Sometimes I amaze myself at my understanding, calmness and ability to just let life happen.

And then, sometimes, I just NEED to RELAX.

I've come to terms with the fact that my relaxing will not be a night on the couch or an hour to get ready at will ... four kids don't allow for much 'sit down' or just 'down' time. That's okay. I shouldn't need all that. Sure it'd be nice occasionally, but it's got to be more about embracing the life stages you are at.

Whether you have a bunch of rug rats running around or are a retired grandparent ... we could all benefit from some proper relaxation.

Life isn't structured and neat. Life won't always move at the pace we desire. We must just do the best we can with the strengths and limitations we've been blessed with.

When you need to relax- take five! Practice inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Put your hand on your stomach so you can feel it extend as you breathe in and descend as you blow out. Do it five times. While breathing, take your mind to a calm and relaxing place. Maybe go to the beach or the mountains or a special place you used to visit as a child.

Once you've 'taken five', allow yourself to stay loose. Let the nuances of life be blown right out of you!

And if that doesn't work, call a friend and go share a cold beverage:)

Have a terrific Tuesday!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Marriage Monday: What's Your Love Language?

Do you know your love language?

What makes you feel most loved?

Is it when you get affirmed by words? Does physical touch make your heart burst? Do you feel most loved when you are given gifts? Or is it more about the quality time you spend with your loved one?

What is it? What's your love language?

More than likely your love language is not the same as your spouse's (another added challenge to an already difficult arena).

It is critical that you understand your own needs, but just as important that you understand the needs of that person you vowed to love until death. AND ... we must not forget that understanding is just the beginning ... there is also the piece of actually meeting each others needs once we understand them!

Author Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book; The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Spouse. In this book he details how to understand and fulfill the needs of your spouse in order to better your marriage.

The five love languages are as follows ... 

Words of Affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.

Acts of Service: For these people, actions speak louder than words.

Receiving Gifts: For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.

Quality Time: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.

Physical Touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.

You may easily be able to pinpoint the language that makes your spouse feel most loved. OR maybe you can't. It's okay if don't know. It's okay if you have to ask. It's okay to communicate about how each of you feel most loved.

Does your spouse know your love language? Does he/she meet your needs? Are you feeling loved today?

Tonight while preparing this blog, I quizzed my husband. His loving comment, "Well, maybe if you did any of those things, I'd be able to tell you how I feel most loved."

JERK!

My guess, though, for his language was right on! I know what makes him feel most loved ... I just don't always take the time to meet his needs.

So, my hope for you (and me) this week is to first recognize what makes your spouse feel most loved. And, second, actually do it! Be there in whatever capacity he/she needs. Not only be there for the number one area, but in all areas.

Couldn't we all benefit from affirmation? Wouldn't it be nice to be 'shown' that you are loved? Small gifts can speak loudly and don't always require a lot of money ... give a special something. Quality time can be hard to come by, but five minutes of undivided attention can say a lot about how much love there is to offer. Finally, be intimate with your spouse; a kiss on the cheek, an extra snuggle in the morning ... take time to be there.

Have a story about how different you and your spouse are? Need to share a time you two were speaking completely different languages? Visit www.itsokaybooks.com and click on the 'Share Your Story' tab or e-mail me directly at teresahamilton@itsokaybooks.com. Your story could be a part of the upcoming It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage book!

 

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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What's Your Philosophy?

What's your job title these days?

Do you have a job that you like and are good at?

Are you enjoying the job you are doing as much as possible?

Whether you are a multimillion dollar CEO or a stay-at-home mom, you have a job ... a REAL job.

No matter what 'job' you are doing, no matter what defines your 'work', it is critical to find and embrace your purpose.

The FISH! philosophy is one that I have been a big fan of for many years. And, one that recently, I'm again realizing the importance of.

The following four components make up the FISH! philosophy and I think these components can help us all, not just in our careers, but in our day to day living. Heck, it can help us be better spouses, friends, sons and daughters, parents ... the list is endless!

Be There: When people need you, they need all of you. Setting aside distractions and judgments to be fully present is a sign of respect. It improves communication and strengthens relationships.

Play: You can be serious about your work without taking yourself so seriously. Play is a mindset more than a specific activity. It allows you to throw yourself with enthusiasm and creativity into whatever you are doing, in a way that is natural, not forced. "Playing” with ideas helps you find solutions to everyday challenges.

Make Their Day: Simple gestures of thoughtfulness, thanks and recognition make people feel appreciated and valued. When you make someone else feel good, you feel good too.

Choose Your Attitude: To actually choose how you respond to life, not just react, you must be intentional. When you get up, decide who you want to "be" today. Moment-to-moment awareness is key. Ask yourself throughout the day, "What is my attitude right now? Is it helping the people who depend on me? Is it helping me to be most effective?"

My challenge for you (and me) this Fabulous Friday and Wonderful Weekend ...

1. When a friend or co-worker or ornery child wants to tell you something- LISTEN. Really listen. Be there for them! Don't jump to respond, just listen.

2.  Do something fun today. Do something that makes you laugh OUT LOUD! Make a fart noise when someone bends over. Tell a dumb joke. Share an embarrassing moment. Whatever it is, just have a little fun!

3. Make someone smile! Do something out of the ordinary for someone in your life; an unexpected compliment, a sweet treat, an extra snuggle. Giving to someone else will fulfill you more than you'd think.

4. Have as good an attitude as you can muster. Life sucks sometimes. Life is hard and messy and crap hits the fan over and over. We know that. Don't let it get you down. Everyone struggles and we never know how much worse it could really be. Try to embrace as much goodness as you can:)

Whatever job you are doing, make the most of it! Have fun with it. Enjoy the heck out of it. Everyday is a gift. It's up to us to decide what's inside the package!

To learn more about the FISH! philosophy, visit fishphilosophy.com.

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Tuesday Tip: Feel Fabulous

Do you feel fabulous today?

Or do you feel frumpy, flabby, fat and flustered?

Either is okay, it's just important to recognize how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.

"Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world!" Thanks, Marilyn Monroe for your amazing advice. Of course, this is coming from one of the most beautiful woman in the history of man-kind. I wonder if she ever felt frumpy?

We will not feel beautiful and fabulous everyday, but it's important to recognize what makes us feel great about ourselves.

Is it when you've gotten a work-out in? Taken time to organize a discombobulated piece of your life? Cooked a healthy dinner? Spent more than seven minutes getting ready? Gotten out of your black sweats? Worn the tie that you always get complimented on?

Good days and bad, we need to understand our own sense of 'fabulous'.

Two weeks ago, I helped a friend out and got made-over by Mary Kay products. It really was fabulous. So, $100 later, I hoped that feeling would continue. The Mary Kay rep had to-die-for skin. She told me it was her 'Fabulous Fifty' shine! First off, this woman DID NOT look fifty and secondly, she DID look fabulous. My thoughts ... "Maybe there's hope for this frumpy mom of four!"

It took a few weeks to get my products in and yesterday was the first day I sported my new make-up (now mind you, I sported it with my headband pulling my un-done hair back and my over-worn black yoga pants)! Nonetheless, the make-up was on.

My little lady and I were playing at a program in the forest. I was talking with another mom. I mentioned my older kids and it come up that I, in fact, have four, yes FOUR children. Her comment was so kind and she has NO idea the impact she's had on my week. "You have FOUR kids? You look WAY too young to have four kids!"

Fabulous-looking or not ... at least I don't look that old yet! Hey, you take what you can get.

This Tuesday, find your fabulous. Sport your favorite shoes or allow yourself an hour to work-out. Do whatever it takes to make you feel your best- you DESERVE it! And you really ARE fabulous in your own unique way!

I must end on a 'thank you'! My 'fabulous' happens to come when I get to spend quality time with good friends and family; when I can get real about the true-blue me. I've been blessed the past few weeks to have pockets of time with people I adore being connected to! I only hope I can give them the same sense of 'fabulous' they give me!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Marriage Monday: Do You Have a Contract?

Marriage is quite possibly not all it's cracked up to be! Or is it?

What drives you most mad about the person you share a bed with? Are you even still sharing a bed (that's a whole other blog!)?

When I was little, marriage was like a fairy tale. I'd find my soul mate; the perfect man. I'd ride off in the sunset and never look back!

I grew up. I realized marriage isn't a fairy tale. Heck, marriage isn't even the norm any more. What are the awful statistics these days? How many marriages actually survive?

Almost ten years ago, I married my best friend. We've had our ups and downs; our twists and turns. We've both grown and changed over the years. And, luckily, we've grown and changed together. We've stayed in love thus far, battling kid catastrophe's and bad days at work.

It's not always pretty- marriage isn't supposed to be.

I always wanted to be the Little Mermaid. I remember swimming to the bottom of the deep end and coming up as fast as I could. I'd raise myself on the side of the pool and flick my hair back- pretending to be Ariel. I wanted so badly to yearn for my prince in the ocean; to have the waters part and be lifted onto a magical boat.

STOP the nonsense. Fairy tales do not exist. I mean, who really knows what happened to Ariel and Erik after they sailed away- leaving King Triton and all his mermaid-folk behind?

Our society has made marriage even harder than it has to be, by glamorizing lust and not love. Fatal attraction and great sex will only get you so far. A marriage is so much more.

Years ago my husband and I joked with our friends about having a marriage contract. An ornery friend said he and his wife agreed every five years they'd look at their 'contract' and decide if it was all worth it. My hubby and I decided five years was much too long to wait.

Our yearly contract was then instated!

Now, this isn't anything written. It's not formal. And, quite honestly, it's an inside joke that keeps our marriage fun. We always tell people that when we review yearly, if things aren't up to par, we can walk away- no questions asked.

As a disclaimer and a reminder to my dear hubby- THERE WILL BE NO WALKING AWAY! Four kids later and our lives completely intertwined; it's not going to happen. But, we still review our contract yearly.

So, on our tenth anniversary or close to it, we will find a time to sit in peace and review our marriage deed. He will ask for more of the one thing he asks for every year. I will complain that he still needs to learn how to live in a house and not a barn (and put the damn toilet seat down)! We will banter about pet peeves and hopes for our future. There might be a serious side note about where our life is going and how we feel about it. We will make a list of all the house improvements that need to be made (but we don't have money for). Our future cabin on the lake might be drawn on a cocktail napkin ...

And then ... our marriage will continue. We will try our hardest every day to be the best we can for one another. We will try, but some days we will fail. We will have weeks and months that are amazing- without a fight in sight. Only to be followed by days or weeks where neither of us can do a single thing right in the others eyes.

Good times and bad- we are stuck. Our contract allows us discuss the negatives in a light-hearted way. Deep down though, we both know we are better together than we are apart.

Where are you at in your marriage? Does your spouse drive you mad some days? Do you wonder what happened to the person you married? Do you sometimes doubt your decision? Do you struggle?

I'm under the impression these are all normal. Life isn't easy. Marriage isn't either. But, don't give up just yet. Sign that contract for one more year. Communicate about your needs. Share your feelings. Be as open and honest as you can so that one day you don't resent the very person you vowed to love 'until death do you part'!

This Marriage Monday ... take time for your spouse. Do something small to show your love. Find that special memory that takes you back to the time you thought you might be living in a fairy tale! You can weather any storm as long as you hold on tight.

Have a marriage story that must be told? A pet peeve or special practice that belongs just to you two? Visit www.itsokaybooks.com and click on the 'Share Your Story' tab. You and your partner could be a part of my next book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Ten Things Moms Need To Know!

Okay, moms ... this one is for you! Brought to you by Kid President!

Ten Things Moms Need To Know

Did you watch it?

If you didn't, you must.

Go on, click on the link and take three minutes to be revived.

So what is Kid President telling us? What is it that we need to take from his knowledge?

1. Put our phones down!
     This is much easier said than done. Occasionally a check of the phone, a scroll of the latest news ... that's not so bad. It's when we become entranced and overly engaged. What has Facebook done to us? We compare our lives to others. We judge. We feel inadequate. Is it worth that? Where would we be without the feelings Facebook leaves us overwhelmed with? Maybe this kid does know a thing or two.

2. Don't name your kid 'phone'!
     Kid President's #2 reminded me of why we named our kids what we did. It took me back to the time before that jiggly being inside my belly actually became the little person I know today. Have you shared with your kiddos why you named them what you did? What a great reminder to share stories of the past with our children to keep them alive and a part of our history.

3. We love you, but don't always know how to say it!
     Oh boy! Did I need this reminder or what? My gushy, sappy, lovey five year old has a STRANGE way of showing her love. BUT, deep down I know that is what she is doing. She apparently doesn't quite have the capability to say that she is sad I am leaving or going to miss me while she is away ... thanks Kid President for interpreting the screams, whines and tantrums that us mothers sometimes hear too much of.

4. Stop cleaning!
   Wait a minute. Shut the front the door. Are you serious? Stop cleaning? Oh wait, I already have. I'm sure each of us can pinpoint the time in our parenting world that we had to resign to the fact that our houses would NEVER look like they once did. The little man on the video gave us permission ... and with great advice too, "Our house is beautiful, because we live in it." It's the people not the place that count.

5. Meatloaf- Cool it!
     Now, my children love, love, love when I cook meatloaf (because I don't do it often enough). But #5 is a good reminder to mix-it up a little in the kitchen. We will get into a groove and inevitably eat the same six or seven meals over and over and over again. It makes is easier to shop, easier to plan and easier to budget. However, mixing it up allows for some excitement over mealtime. Most importantly is that we have a mealtime together ... there's research out there supporting the benefits of family dinner time ... no excuses can be made. We must find time to sit down together!

6. Thank you for cleaning up the poop!
     Amen. Kudos to all parents out there. Poop, pee and puke ... the 3 P's! There's really nothing worse. But, nothing says, "I love you," more than taking care of all the bodily fluids we are exposed to. Enough said on that one- someday our children will be caring for us and understand what we once did for them.
              
I must digress for a funny story dealing with poop!
      My two-year-old lets me know when she has to poop more but saying, "My butt hurts." This prompts me to ask, "Do you need to go more?" She will go more and then either tell me she is done or repeat, "My butt hurts." She tries to be big and wipe herself, but I remind her that she is two and can't clean herself good enough. The other day she looked at me after she was done going to bathroom. "Mom, does your butt hurt? I can wipe you!" I cracked up and informed her my bottom was just fine and I that even if it wasn't, I wouldn't need her help:)

7. Have fun!
     My husband is wonderful at having fun. Farts, burbs, dancing, acting goofy- he embraces every opportunity to laugh. Me, on the other hand- I have to be the consistent, un-fun parent. I've done it to myself. I have no one to blame. I just need to lighten up and have a little fun. What about you? Where do you stand? Let's do it ... this weekend! Let's vow to have fun, to laugh a little and to embrace childhood!

8. Hug more, shout less!
     I once tried to hug my spirited child every time she got upside. It lasted a day or two. It did work; I just didn't let it become a habit. It's not that I shout all the time, it's just that I'm always looking to improve my emotion management. Asking a child to do things over and over and over- it's daunting and tiresome. Maybe I should look at my follow-through on consequences rather than just my expectation that a demand will be met. We can all work on our tone and our nasty glares. And, really, who doesn't love a great hug now and again. We all deserve 'em! Life's hard enough- give a hug today.

9. The secret to changing the world is moms!
     There are days we don't feel like we are doing anything right as parents; as moms. But we are. Just being present and doing the best darn job we can. It does make a difference. We are changing the world. It's okay that we are not doing it perfect, but we must continue to strive to be the best model for our kiddos that we can be. Our actions speak much louder than our words. We will see ourselves through our children's accomplishments. We will be the one behind them with love and support. We are creating a better world because of the imprint we are making on our children.

10. If every mom knew how awesome she was, every problem in the world would be fixed!
     Thanks Kid President for the reminder that the world is full of troubles, but we don't have to be one of them. We can be the light for our children. We can be the inspiration to be better. Our belief in ourselves will shine through to them and enable them to cross the many difficult bridges life sets out for us.

Kid President has quite a lot figured out at such a young age. His wisdom and the knowledge our children possess is endless. We must embrace our job as moms; as parents. We must be the very best we can be so that they can be the best they are capable of!

Here's to your Friday- I hope it is fantastic (I know not all of it will be, but there are sure to be small moments of glory)! Let's use this weekend as an opportunity to set aside our distractions, explore, stretch ourselves and our strengths, have fun, laugh and remember how great we are!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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Tuesday Tip: Be Flexible!

Well, my Tuesday Tip is once again more for me than it is for you!

Having flexibility as one of your strengths is such an asset in this world we live in. It's unfortunate that it is NOT one of mine.

I am full of harmony and quite adaptable in any given situation ... but consistency and routine are extremely important to me (I know this is humorous since I have four children and can rarely rely on a 'normal' day!).

When one thinks of flexibility ... bending most always comes to mind. My husband and I were having a quick conversation last night on the importance of watching our children participate in activities; REALLY WATCHING. This can be difficult since children's activities can, at times, drive a person to want to pull his hair out! He pointed out how much our children appreciate when we notice the little improvements they are making. He was spot on!

Seconds later my daughter came up the stairs. "Honey, I noticed tonight how hard you were trying to do the splits in class. You kept working at it the whole time and didn't give up!"

My oldest is quite tall for her age- flexibility is not easy for her. She recanted by saying how difficult it was and how badly it hurt. My husband followed up her comment by reminding her that if she tries a little everyday, she will see great growth and improvement (he also added that he didn't want her to end up like him ... not as flexible as one would hope).

Whether we are talking about improving our own physical flexibility or our ability to accept that life has unseen bends and turns, we have to practice. We have to try. We have to do our very best with each opportunity that presents itself.

Today was a 'slow-down' day after what felt like a hurricane month. I stayed in bed too long. I cuddled with my hubby. I laid with my five-year-old. I took my time waking everyone up.

I strayed from the routine.

I didn't do the normal.

I let myself be flexible.

And then ... ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!

Whining kids, unmade lunches, dirty dishes piled up, frantic mommy-mode ... I wish I could blame my kids. But, it was me. I couldn't handle the change. I enjoyed the moment and then was so irritated with myself for enjoying the moment that I ruined a good portion of the morning.

Flexibility. I must continue to stretch myself and do the unexpected. I must continue to reach for the opportunities that are out of the ordinary.

I'm proud of myself for straying from the routine. Next time, though, I'll work to accept the bending road that comes after the blessed opportunity.

Here's to your Tuesday and all the opportunities you have to reach outside of your comfort zone. I hope that your bending road stretches you in the right direction and leaves you at peace. Blessed moments happen frequently, be flexible enough to enjoy them (and the moments that follow)!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

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