Marriage Monday: Do You Have a Contract?

Marriage is quite possibly not all it's cracked up to be! Or is it?

What drives you most mad about the person you share a bed with? Are you even still sharing a bed (that's a whole other blog!)?

When I was little, marriage was like a fairy tale. I'd find my soul mate; the perfect man. I'd ride off in the sunset and never look back!

I grew up. I realized marriage isn't a fairy tale. Heck, marriage isn't even the norm any more. What are the awful statistics these days? How many marriages actually survive?

Almost ten years ago, I married my best friend. We've had our ups and downs; our twists and turns. We've both grown and changed over the years. And, luckily, we've grown and changed together. We've stayed in love thus far, battling kid catastrophe's and bad days at work.

It's not always pretty- marriage isn't supposed to be.

I always wanted to be the Little Mermaid. I remember swimming to the bottom of the deep end and coming up as fast as I could. I'd raise myself on the side of the pool and flick my hair back- pretending to be Ariel. I wanted so badly to yearn for my prince in the ocean; to have the waters part and be lifted onto a magical boat.

STOP the nonsense. Fairy tales do not exist. I mean, who really knows what happened to Ariel and Erik after they sailed away- leaving King Triton and all his mermaid-folk behind?

Our society has made marriage even harder than it has to be, by glamorizing lust and not love. Fatal attraction and great sex will only get you so far. A marriage is so much more.

Years ago my husband and I joked with our friends about having a marriage contract. An ornery friend said he and his wife agreed every five years they'd look at their 'contract' and decide if it was all worth it. My hubby and I decided five years was much too long to wait.

Our yearly contract was then instated!

Now, this isn't anything written. It's not formal. And, quite honestly, it's an inside joke that keeps our marriage fun. We always tell people that when we review yearly, if things aren't up to par, we can walk away- no questions asked.

As a disclaimer and a reminder to my dear hubby- THERE WILL BE NO WALKING AWAY! Four kids later and our lives completely intertwined; it's not going to happen. But, we still review our contract yearly.

So, on our tenth anniversary or close to it, we will find a time to sit in peace and review our marriage deed. He will ask for more of the one thing he asks for every year. I will complain that he still needs to learn how to live in a house and not a barn (and put the damn toilet seat down)! We will banter about pet peeves and hopes for our future. There might be a serious side note about where our life is going and how we feel about it. We will make a list of all the house improvements that need to be made (but we don't have money for). Our future cabin on the lake might be drawn on a cocktail napkin ...

And then ... our marriage will continue. We will try our hardest every day to be the best we can for one another. We will try, but some days we will fail. We will have weeks and months that are amazing- without a fight in sight. Only to be followed by days or weeks where neither of us can do a single thing right in the others eyes.

Good times and bad- we are stuck. Our contract allows us discuss the negatives in a light-hearted way. Deep down though, we both know we are better together than we are apart.

Where are you at in your marriage? Does your spouse drive you mad some days? Do you wonder what happened to the person you married? Do you sometimes doubt your decision? Do you struggle?

I'm under the impression these are all normal. Life isn't easy. Marriage isn't either. But, don't give up just yet. Sign that contract for one more year. Communicate about your needs. Share your feelings. Be as open and honest as you can so that one day you don't resent the very person you vowed to love 'until death do you part'!

This Marriage Monday ... take time for your spouse. Do something small to show your love. Find that special memory that takes you back to the time you thought you might be living in a fairy tale! You can weather any storm as long as you hold on tight.

Have a marriage story that must be told? A pet peeve or special practice that belongs just to you two? Visit www.itsokaybooks.com and click on the 'Share Your Story' tab. You and your partner could be a part of my next book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Marriage!

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

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