#throwbackthursday: You Certainly Don't Have to Be Put Together!

It's #throwbackthursday yet again! Wow . . . time continues to move at a speed that I cannot get used to.

We just celebrated the 3rd birthday of our baby! Yep, our fourth child is three, completely potty trained, taller than most four-year-olds, expressive and bossing around everyone in the house (even the dog!).

I thought this blog from last year was perfect to remind me of the growth that has happened in just twelve months.

Where were you a year ago? What challenges were you facing head on? Are those things still difficult? Or have new obstacles popped up?

Reflection is an amazing way to see growth. It's important to remember as we muddle through difficult times in life that 'we don't have to have it all figured out in order to move forward'.

May 7th, 2013

Put Together ... I Think Not!

It makes me laugh every time someone asks me for advice.  I suppose surviving the birth of four children and having them growing up happy and healthy should be worth something.  But really, the only advice I have is that you have to do what works for you.  I've come to the conclusion that parenting is nothing but improvising and surviving!  None of us will do those two things the same ... and that's okay.

There are many things that I suppose I can anticipate after having four kids.  There are places I know to avoid, fits that I can see starting to explode, activities that I know are sure to create a cluster ... but, even with all that knowledge, I still don't know much.  Some days I am so overwhelmed that I just have to sit down and give up for a few minutes.  Some moments seem so straining that I feel tears prickling in my eyes. 

After four children, you would think that I would know the simple things.  I love the comment, "Well, I'm sure you know after having all those kids!"  Yeah, right.  The other night we ventured off to a graduation party that was a little over an hour away.  Our two year old is no where near being potty-trained.  She has a pacifier glued to her mouth.  And she's had more pop and sugar in her short life than our other three children combined.

Tell me this.  What parent forgets to bring a diaper for her two-year-old?  What parent heads out the door with nothing but a graduation gift?  Especially if this parent has had three other children at the age of needing diapers?

We pulled up to the party and headed out.  We had the needed pacifier in the pocket, but as I checked every square inch of our van for a diaper, there was not a one to be found.  Seriously?  You see this happens ALL the time.  What has happened to me?  We leave a stash of diapers and a package of wipes in our van door because more times than not, I am not prepared.  Yep, me, a mother of four, leaves the house frequently without a diaper for her youngest.  Sadly, I usually remember the pacifier and have some candy stashed in my purse to avoid unnecessary fits!

This poor youngest of mine.  I used to be so prepared.  I had a bag full of tricks like good mothers.  I had diapers and band-aids and a spare set of clothes.  Now, I'm lucky if I have my purse (and a diaper in the door).  Maybe it's laziness.  Maybe I got tired of packing and unpacking for a week-long trip every time I left the house for 10 minutes.  Maybe there was one too many times the necessary items in the bag weren't necessary.

So, as I looked at my husband (knowing we were no where near a gas station or store) and I just shrugged my shoulders.  "Well, I hope she doesn't poop."  He just laughed.  Then the light bulb that is occasionally still lit in my brain shined bright!  "I bet my cousin will be here ... hopefully her boy isn't potty-trained yet either.  She will for sure have a diaper."

My heart leap for joy when she walked in the room an hour later.  I beamed as I greeted her and begged for a diaper.  She, of course, was prepared and got a good chuckle that we would be so far away from home without a spare!

Several minutes later after feeling much relief about a needed diaper, I got the look of all looks.  I was chasing that very two-year-old around the party and holding my cup of beer upright.  She was just out of reach.  When I caught up and grabbed her hand with my free hand, she cut loose again.  My only option was a two-handed grab.  There was a buffet right next to me.  She was headed for the chocolate fountain.  There was no place to set my beer and no seconds to spare in thinking it through any further.  I sucked it up, put the cup between my teeth and grabbed for dear life.  Safe!  The girl was in my arms, the beer didn't spill a drop and that woman staring at me got quite a show!

There are many days I feel like first-time mom.  Some days I think I know less now than I did before I had kids.  But, the good news is ... we are surviving.  There are even moments I might say that we are flourishing.  Life is good.  God has given us so many blessings.  So what if I don't have it all together.  Who cares if we have to beg and steal diapers?  We are human to the core.  Imperfect and doing the best we can.  Just remember, you hold the key to many of your unsolved dilemmas.  Believe in yourself and the knowledge you have about your life.  No one has it all together all the time!  And improvising is the best skill I have acquired from all these little people.

 

Growth happens so slowly at times that we are unable to appreciate it #taketimetoreflect Imperfectness doesn't keep you from moving forward!

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 
 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#tuesdaytip: Take Time For Others!

A day is just a day without purposeful interactions with others.

Listening. Laughing. Loving.

Life is full of junk. Life is full of monotonous tasks. Life is full of hard, tough stuff.

What makes it better? What makes life worth living?

While we each have to answer these questions for ourselves, there are very few who would be happy living in solitude for the majority of their years. Even introverts need interactions and relationships.

There was a time in my life when I was all work and very little play. I shoved through life with a relentless vengeance. I was productive and efficient. I always had a plan, knew what to expect and could anticipate what would happen next. There wasn't a task too difficult or out of my reach.

That time has finally passed. A year at home with my kids gave me a little perspective on the constant push of life. It doesn't pay to constantly push it back.

I've realized the impact of taking time for others; time to listen; time to laugh; time to love. The impact can't be computed into a number. It can't be checked off a to-do list. It's not a completed project.

BUT, it is amazing. It's so meaningful. It feels so good.

The other stuff has to wait sometimes. Surely we need to continue to get stuff done; to complete the daily life tasks. Even though it must get done, taking time for others will take the monotony out what can consume your life in a negative way.

I came across a blog entitled, 'I Take Time To Listen To Others'. The picture above was included in this great advice-giving column. Wouldn't it be something if we spent more time listening and learning from others? And less time judging and assuming?

This Tuesday, take time. Try not to rush through the day accomplishing as much as you can. Allow your interactions to stretch beyond your normal, "How are you today?" Half the time we don't even stop to really listen to the answer. DO LISTEN today!

Enjoy the heck out of others today. Listen. Laugh. Love.

Take time for others today #reallylisten

Don't rush thru life missing meaning moments #laughwithsomeone

Be playful #enjoythepeoplearoundyou

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 
 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#marriagemonday: The Truth Sometimes Hurts, But . . .

The truth sometimes hurts, but . . . it's way better than any lie! And, sometimes it saves you from looking old and fat.

Friday night I had an author event that I desperately wanted to look nice for. Needing to lose a few pounds makes outfit options slim to none.

I did what all normal women do and I tried to shop Friday afternoon for a dress. Last minute shopping usually doesn't end up well.

I threw on the dress before trying to fix my hair and face (those also seeming to be a lost cause at the time). I came out of the bedroom and asked my husband to come check out the 'possible' evening wear.

My husband couldn't keep his laughter inside. I think he might have said something like, "Really?"

He wanted to know if I had actually bought the dress in the hopes of wearing it. I wanted to know why it was so bad.

"Well, it makes you look twice your age and three times your size." Again, there was laughter.

He wasn't being hurtful and truth be told, I didn't feel that great in the darn thing either. I did feel old and fat. And, thank the good Lord my husband is willing to be honest with me.

While this scenario is about clothing, the principle applies to all life circumstances. It's hard to hear the cold, hard truth. Often we know what the truth is, but are unable to admit it to ourselves.

When we hear the truth from those we love most, our trust in them can grow (even if we want to strangle them in the moment). So often, if we avoid the truth, we also miss the chance to strengthen relationships.

My husband wasn't being an ass. He wasn't making fun of me. He was only trying to save me from future embarrassment . . . and, I'm so glad he did.

This #marriagemonday, take time to reflect on your truth-telling skills.

Is there something you've wanted to say that you've been holding inside? Are you struggling with something that you are afraid to admit? Is resentment growing inside you because you've been unable to let your real feelings show?

Today is the day. Make your marriage stronger by being honest. While the truth may cause some hurt at first, it will lead to growth. Make sure you are thoughtful in your words, check your body language and keep your tone steady. By loving approaching difficult topics, you and your spouse can become that much better.

#marriagemonday

Have you been truthful in your words and actions lately?

 #honestyisthebestpolicy

 #belovinginyourapproach

#liesgonowheregood

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 
 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#throwbackthursday: Find YOUR Luxurious!

Is it Thursday already?

Yay for Friday tomorrow!

Time to look back to a year ago . . . and remind myself that my life is as luxurious as I make it.

Where are you at in your life journey? What seems luxurious to you? Certainly, it won't be exactly the same as mine.

I remember a weekend in college when I was studying abroad in the Dominican Republic. I needed some space to take in all that I was learning about life; I needed some time alone.

I headed off- alone, to cottage on the most beautiful beach I've ever seen. I read. I slept. I sat in complete silence. IT WAS AMAZING! Some days, silence is all I need to live luxuriously :)

Here's what was happening a year ago ... enjoy!

Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

Life Is Not Luxurious, But Moments Can Be

As my husband and I were relaxing on the couch last night during one of our new favorite TV shows, an interesting car commercial came on.  I think it was for an Acura, but I cannot be for certain.  It showed a magnificent looking man coming out of his luxurious closet into his luxurious bedroom and then heading into his luxurious kitchen.  He finally headed out of his luxurious house and got into the 'best' of all his luxuries ... his luxurious car. 

 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

Whose life is that luxurious?  The commercial used the word like it was going out of style.  And all I could think about was that his life is the complete opposite of mine.  I can't name one luxurious item that could be found within this thing we call a home.  I started thinking about our mini-van ... our five-year-old blue Honda with stained carpets, trash shoved in the driver's side door (this drives my husband crazy), random substances stuck in between the seats ... not really like the picture on the TV!  And my house; my lived in and loved house.  It has a story for every mark, every stain, every chip, every toy or colored paper that can be found.  For goodness sakes, I'm happy if the house is picked up and the laundry is half-done!  Again, this is so far from the luxurious house I saw on the TV last night.

Life is not luxurious.  It is not neat.  It is not always clean.  It is not new (for more than a day or two).  Life is tedious and daunting; dirty and messy.  Life is runny noses and socks that don't match.  Life is saggy (moms you know what I mean) and wrinkled and sometimes bald.  Life is unread books stacked up by the nightstand and projects that go unfinished for years.  Life is pants with holes and unshaven legs.  Life is being down to the last roll of toilet paper (which happened in our house this morning!) and soap scum on the shower.  Life is piles of papers and uncut lawns.  Life does not and will not fit into a neat little gift-wrapped box.

It's okay.  Life is not luxurious and that is okay.  We weren't put on this earth to have the perfect life in the perfect house and to drive the perfect car.  We weren't born into perfect families or have perfect friends.  We can't expect that life will not have hiccups and bumps and major potholes.  It will challenge us.  It will drive us crazy.  It will be difficult.

Knowing that life cannot and should not be luxurious is great in theory.  But, it doesn't make our struggles any easier.  There was a moment last night when I wished for the perfect house and the perfect car and the perfect life.  There are moments when I'm scrolling on Facebook, that I get caught up in the pictures and wish for something better.  I have to step back and realize that my life is pretty darn amazing.  It's not perfect, but it doesn't have to be.  The commercial I saw last night was not real.  The things that I see on Facebook don't reveal the struggles behind the photos.

We have to live in our luxurious moments, not our luxurious life.  We all have seconds or minutes or even hours where life seems perfect.  They don't last, but they exist.  They are still perfection in their own little snippet of time.  We can't look at a lifetime as being luxurious, but rather enjoy the moments of luxury that come together to define our lives.

The stacks of papers will keep coming.  The laundry will keep piling up.  The trash in the car will continue to get stashed.  The house will continue to get dirty.  Relationships will continue to require work.  Life will be life.  But, it's up to us to embrace the luxury of moment.  It's up to us to see the luxuries to do exist within our messy lives.

 

Life is not meant to be full of luxury!

BUT #momentscanbe Let snip-its of wonder & joy be your focus.

It's not 'things' that matter #itslove

#tuesdaytip: Hold Your Head High

Hello Tuesday!

I promise to face you with a smile. I vow to be optimistic, even when life is driving me crazy. I will try. I will be kind. I will be the best I can be. And I will hold my head high.

At least for this one day.

Taking on the world more than a day at a time isn't realistic. If we can focus day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute, we can begin to find success.

Surely we need to look down the road and have the big picture in mind. But taking on too much too soon will only overwhelm us and cause our heads to drop.

It all starts with belief.

Head up. Shoulders back. Good eye contact. Strong voice.

Fake it to make it.

Hold your head high.

Be loud and proud.

No matter how you say it, the picture is beyond clear. We must have pride in our abilities. Our strengths must be at the front of our minds. Holding our heads high for just one day, will inspire more people than we can imagine.

Now I'm not saying you should jump on your high horse. Don't force yourself on others. Don't act as though you are better than those around you.

Your approach can be strong, yet caring. You can be proud, yet humble. Your abilities will show through when you are respectful in your approach.

Today- move about with your head held high. Be proud of who you are. Believe in your strengths and abilities. Make a difference . . . if even for a minute.

Finally, when you notice others utilizing their strengths and holding their heads high, say something to them. Learn from them. Ask them their secret. Chances are, your comment will solidify a belief that may have been wavering.

After all, we are all just doing the best darn job we can. We are in this boat called 'life' together. Let's face this world with a caring heart, brave soul and head held high!

#holdyourheadhigh 

Believe in your abilities

#sharewhatyouknow 

#showwhatyouaregoodat 

Be humble, caring & respectful in your approach #headon

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 
 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#marriagemonday: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate ... AND Forgive!

It's safe to say you haven't married a perfect person!

It's also safe to say, your spouse married you KNOWING you're not perfect either.

On Easter Sunday morning, our family ventured off to church. Let's just say that getting there was quite a chore and, at times, felt torturous.

As we sat in mass (which, on a side note, was VERY hot!), there was a moment I was overcome with emotion. I thought about our difficulties in getting our family ready for what should have been a joyous occasion.

I was caught up in a little self-pity when it dawned on me that there were families missing loved ones this holiday. There were spouses wishing their better half was alive to celebrate the day with them. There were lonely soles that would have given anything to have a fight with their family- if that meant their family was there with them.

Our spouses will mess up. We will mess up. Forgiveness is the only way.

What if something happened to your husband or wife today? Would you be left with a feeling of regret? Would there be something you wished you would have said? Would you have wanted the opportunity to forgive?

Don't waste any more time longing for the perfect marriage. Instead . . . work to make your marriage happy; practice making your marriage healthy. Foster what you have and forgive when it is less than what you imagined.

Everyday you have with your husband or your wife is a gift. Make sure you are handling it with care. It's not about how it's wrapped, but rather about the specialness of what's inside.

I left mass Sunday morning knowing God gave me a wonderful man.

There are days our marriage needs forgiveness. There are moments we wish we could take back. There are times we don't support each other like we should.

It's okay.

Those moments make us stronger and help us to grow. Even if the outer package is tattered or torn, the gift inside is worth more because we have fought to keep our marriage alive.

What's creating trouble in your married world these days? Do you need to use a dose of forgiveness? Is your communication lacking?

When you go to bed tonight, have no regrets. Care for the gift you've been given.

No one's perfect- even your spouse #taketimetoforgive

You never know what tomorrow will bring #yourspouseisagift #takegoodcareofthepackage

Give Thanks!

Is it possible to teach appreciation?

My thought is . . . yes! Absolutely!

It's a habit that can and must become part of our daily living. If I think back to days this week that were harder than others- they were most definitely hard because I made them that way.

I get to choose. You get to choose. It's up to us.

There are millions of blessings surrounding us each and every day. There is also a lot of crap. Which will we choose to dive into?

Looking around the neighborhood, work, church, school or the store, we will see happy people. People who say, "Good morning!" People who have bright, cheery smiles on their faces.

Are their lives perfect? Do they live without struggles?

Absolutely NOT!

When we are focused on the negative parts of our lives; the struggles and the weaknesses, we forget to take time for the beauty that exists in the world. And the beauty that makes up our very own lives.

It's okay. Sometimes life is too much. BUT, we can habitually force ourselves to focus on the good- even when our lives are full of difficulties.

The joy of it all- it is up to US! We are in control of our outlook, our emotions and how we live our lives.

This week I was darn tired. I know I was not the only one. I said some things I regret. I did some things I wish I could take back. I forgot to count my blessings. At times, I focused on the bad. There were moments of negative self-talk and a down-right poor attitude.

It's okay.

Failure. Mistakes. Tough days. Life circumstances. Illnesses. Accidents. Mean people.

They happen. AND, they are totally, 100% out of our control.

Today is Saturday. Let's make it super.

No matter what is happening beyond our control- let's do our best to be thankful. In purposefully recognizing our blessings, it is inevitable that happiness is not far behind. Notice them, say them and act on them. Just do it! Now!

 What makes 'happy people?

Certainly not a perfect life.

It's a choice! #bethankful

Appreciate the good in your life & #happinesswillfollow

 

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 
 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#tuesdaytip: It's All About Feeling Valued!

Life is tough and often messy. There's usually not an easy way to deal with situations when we are NOT feeling the words listed above.

When we react in ways that we are not proud of, it's most definitely because we do not feel valued, loved, appreciated or validated. While we could all work on letting others know how much we adore them, how amazing they are or how energized we feel by them, it's important to recognize that we, too, must have others letting us know the very same thing.

Whether we are talking about family, work, church, volunteering or just day to day interactions, we must keep perspective of how others are feeling. It's easy to assume. It's difficult to take time to truly understand why we feel the way we do or react the way we do. It's even more challenging, then, to try to understand the motive behind others reactions.

As a parent and a spouse, I would say that most fights I begin or engage in, happen because my feelings were compromised. Now I'm not saying anyone MAKES me feel a certain way, but there are interactions in which my feelings head down the road of under-appreciation, ungratefulness or a lack of acknowledgement for things I have done.

It'd be great if I could always take the high road- but, I'm human. I mess up. I react in ways I am not proud of. AND . . . it's okay.

It's okay.

We learn and grow by the mistakes that we make. We become better when we evaluate our interactions, our feelings and our perceptions.

This Tuesday, we could all benefit from not only evaluating where we are at in our feelings and interactions, but also that we take time to be better for others. When we spend time letting others know what we appreciate about them, naturally we can recognize what we do that others appreciate (even if they don't say it).

Validating and acknowledging what we adore, appreciate, and value about others will spread.

What if we took the time to specifically tell others why they inspire us? What if we recognize those that rejuvenate us? What if we thanked those that make us feel most loved?

Sometimes you have to give in order to receive. It's not that once you say it to others, they will say it to you. Rather, it's knowing that you're bettering yourself just by lifting someone else up.

Good luck take time this week to care for others. You may find that by understanding specifically what you appreciate about others will help you better understand yourself and who you are striving to be!

It's easy to get caught up in your own emotions.

Take time to understand others #youmaybetterundertandyourself

Try #validating #appreciating

Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'. 

 

Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!

 

Don't want to miss a blog? Sign up to follow by e-mail.

#marriagemonday: I'm Darn Lucky ... How About You?

Monday, Monday! It comes on fast and furious after weekends fly by.

However, Monday's can be that much sweeter because they remind us to appreciate our marriages! Yeah for #marriagemonday. Yeah for one more lucky day with our significant others.

It's easy in life to find the difficult ... the awful ... the misfortune ... the error ... the despair. Complaints often roll off our tongue, while compliments seem straining.

Research used to say that we needed to hear four positives comments to outweigh one negative comment. I believe now, it's up to something like seven positives to replace a negative.

Think back on your weekend. Can you name a positive comment you delivered to your spouse? A loving touch? A kind conversation? A deliberate compliment?

What about negatives? How were the looks you delivered? What about your tone? Or your body language? Did you push away when your spouse came towards you lovingly?

7:1. Seven to one. VII - I.

I'm darn lucky to be stuck with my better half for the rest of my life. I truly am. He is loving, generous, hilarious (don't tell him I still think this is true!), tender-hearted and intelligent. He vacuums. He does laundry. He plays with our kids. He is a fabulous father. He is hard-working, handy and gets things done. And he loves, loves, loves me.

I'm lucky.

We don't have the perfect marriage or the perfect life. We fight. We annoy one another. We don't always communicate. We hurt each other's feelings. It's not all roses.

But, I'm still really, really lucky. Are you?

Sometimes we take for granted that our spouse is OURS. Not all marriages are based on basic fundamentals where two people can feel valued, appreciated and part of a special team.

If you are lucky- say it. No ... don't just say it- show it.

Try just for one day to give more positive love to your spouse and less mean looks, negative comments or huffs and puffs.

Happy Monday. Happy loving. Feel lucky. Be blessed.

Do you feel lucky to have your one & only?

This #mm make sure you #sayit

Make sure you #showit

Don't let another lucky day pass you by #love

#fridayfolly: They Know . . .

"Does it disappoint you to know that I'm normal and make mistakes just like everybody else?"

My daughter answered, but she didn't have to. The sadness that filled her eyes said it all.

Her voice was soft and her words slow, "Kind of."

The super-mom cape came off years ago, yet it's still heartbreaking to know that they (my four children) have realized I might have never been 'super' at all.

It's safe to say that Wednesday morning I secured my loss of Parent of the Year (as well as parent of the day, hour and moment)! All are LONG gone.

Losing my cool isn't something that happens frequently, nor something that I care to admit happens at all. But, there you go . . . the truth is out there. I am not in control of my emotions 100% of the time. I admit it- I'm human. I get frustrated, irritated and occasionally look a lot like a total nut case.

It might have been the two-year-old fit, over which shorts to wear, that lasted 45 minutes. It might have been the constant squabbling at the breakfast table between my two oldest children. It might have been the eight outfits I tried on (that didn't fit or look right). The final straw, though, was the nearly full cup of orange juice splattered all over the middle of the kitchen floor.

I'm sure my voice could be heard in the next state; the awful scowl on my face stayed etched for nearly the entire day. Oh, and my five-year-old informed me that used bad words during my major adult temper tantrum.

I over-reacted. I blew my cool. I lost my marbles.

However, I did salvage the morning before depositing my children at school. I asked, very calmly, for a 'do-over'. I apologized and noted my humanity; my imperfection and inability to avoid mistakes.

When the day was coming to a close and the morning was far behind us all, I went to tuck in my oldest. I again apologized for my actions and asked her, "Does it disappoint you to know that I'm not perfect?" I should be thankful she doesn't have the ability to lie, but in that moment, my weekly folly seemed dark and lonely.

They know.

My kids know I'm not perfect.

It's okay.

What about you? Who in your life has realized your imperfection? Do they still love you?

Surely, it's difficult for us to admit our flaws and imperfections. The reality- those who really love us; who really care about us, will forgive us for our mistakes. And they will stick by our side, despite all our errors.

This Friday, don't be so hard on yourself for the mistakes you made this week. Take note, not of the mistakes, but the support surrounding you and lifting you up from your moments of despair. Please also remember that others are no more perfect than you. Go easy on the ones you love making human mistakes.

More often than not . . . we are all just doin' the best darn job we can! Have an awesome weekend realizing it's okay that NO ONE on this earth is perfect (isn't it nice to know you're not alone?)!

#mistakes

They happen to us all.

Be easy on yourself.

No one is w/out flaws.

Remember, most people in life are

 #doingthebestdarnjobtheycan!

#throwbackthursday: Here's One for the Books!

I love Thursdays!

A chance for me to read about my trials, triumphs and downright hilarious moments from a year ago. It also allows me to reflect on my growth (and occasional decline) as a mom, woman, wife and writer!

I have to admit, reading the blog below from last April made me laugh out loud. I think I nearly peed myself thinking about the comedy of errors that occurred. The writing didn't do justice to the chaos that I (only me!) created.

The day before I wrote the blog below I had written about a chapter in my book, It's Okay: Let's Get Real About This Thing We Call Parenting (www.itsokaybooks.com). The title, 'But the Book Said . . .', reminds us that often times theories don't quite match up with real life. So often when we have a problem, we hear or read about a 'quick fix'!

FYI: There is NO QUICK FIX for life! Enjoy :)

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

Here's One For the Books ...

Well, yesterday I blogged about one of my chapters in my book, 'But, the books said...'.  I highlighted that you can't always trust the books and have to rather, trust yourself and your knowledge of your own life.  I suppose that I should have taken my own advice yesterday afternoon in order to avoid the catastrophe that occurred.

You know how you read that your children need at least one hour of exercise every day? There is all this research out there saying that you need to get your kids off the couch and moving. And then of course, there is the adult literature that stresses the importance of staying healthy and active. 

 

Well, I also happened to be reading up on my friend's Facebook post that highlighted a March challenge. The challenge was to run a mile everyday for a month. Now, I'm not oblivious to the fact that it is April, but I thought this challenge was one I could put on myself. And with Spring finally springing up in our area, I decided it would be good to include my four children in this monthly adventure. Again, I must stress, that I DID NOT use my best judgment. 

So, after school, I let the kids know my plan to try to run a mile a day for a month. They could ride their bikes and enjoy our new weather. They were excited. I might also add that my four-year-old learned how to ride without her training wheels just two days ago. But, I figured I could put the eight-year-old, six-year-old and four-year-old on their bikes and I could push the one-year-old in the stroller.  After depositing the 10,000 things that accumulate during the school day away and grabbing a quick cheese stick snack, we headed out the door.

It was then that the first issue arose ... our dog. Why in the hell would Santa bring a dog to my son this year? What was Santa thinking? Anyway, he was whining and barking and making quite a scene. My new plan was to have the three older children on bikes, the little one in the stroller and the dog on the leash. 

 

We were about to set off when the second issue came up ... the running stroller had flat tires. Could this possibly be a sign that I need to get off my fat butt? The stroller hadn't been used in well over a year (yikes) and, of course, the compressor was not put together so that I could air up the tires. I asked my six-year-old son how to put it back together and he told me to just hook the hose up to the thingy sticking out. Well, his bright idea was great, but it didn't work. So, I sulked over to the neighbor to ask for help.  His compressor was put away because they are moving (I'm sure you are thinking it's because of the annoying neighbor with four kids and a barking dog, but it's really not).  Anyway, he came over to save the day.  He hooked up the compressor, aired up the tires and we were ready yet again.

Off we went.  I managed to help my newly-two-wheeled-rider get started and she made it about five feet. We got her up and moving again and she made it to the end of the block. The puppy was pulling my arm out of my shoulder socket, but I wasn't going to let him spoil my one-mile run. We got started again while crossing the first street.  The bike trail was only a half block away and then it would be smooth sailing!

NOT!  My four-year-old turned her wheel slightly, lost control and did a face plant. There were skid marks across her forehead and nose and her finger was missing a fourth of her nail. The dripping blood did not help her screams of horror, nor did the dog wrapping himself around her with the leash.  I somehow managed to make it back to our house.  I sent my son back up to get the bike that was left behind and I worked to get the head and finger put back together.

After a sucker, some ice and some band-aids, we had the house calm. So much for my mile run! It was then that their dad arrived home from work.  It was also the moment that I saw the yellow sheet on my counter. The sheet denotes making bad choices at school.  It was our first of the year.  My son got in trouble for farting on another students head (yep ... he farted on a friends head ... you try not to laugh!). 

 

The next 45 minutes were taken up by the discussion of what really occurred at school and me continuously eye-balling my husband so that he would keep his damn smirk to himself. Once the paper was taken care of and the discussion was complete, my husband busted a gut. Dear God, how many children am I raising? I suppose I should be thankful that he waited until my son left the room.  Farting and giggling is a normal occurrence at our house and often the commotion is led by my husband. I guess my son is having a hard lesson in learning where you can get away with things and where you can't!

Anyway, after all that, it was dinner time and obviously I hadn't had time to put anything together.  We had spent Lent without fast food or eating out, so we decided it would be a good night to go out.  And, can you guess where the children wanted to go?  Yes, that's right ... McDonald's.  So much for my month of health.  In order to salvage my day somehow, we decided to ride our bikes to McDonald's.  It's about a mile away.  At least I would get some exercise!

We looked like a darn three-ring-circus. The three older kids made it on their bikes without any issues and my husband and I enjoyed a minute or two of conversation while walking and pushing the stroller. Overall, it was a success. We even managed to talk the four-year-old out of pooping in someone's lawn half-way home. Apparently, the grease did a number on her tummy.

So, exercise is important. It's just kind of difficult sometimes to find productive ways to get it in when your family consists of four kids between the ages of two and eight!  Maybe there's a book for that one:)

#tuesdaytip: Cut Yourself a Little Slack!

I love Tuesdays! A time for me to offer a 'tip' that is truly more for me than it is for you. My only hope . . . that it helps us both grow just a little in our journeys.

It is so easy to find flaws. They stick out like a sore thumb. One negative out-does 100 positives. Why? Why it is so easy to focus on limitations instead of growth and improvement?

We are each wonderful and amazing- in our own way. It's sometimes hard to love ourselves, because we know all the nitty-gritty, ugly and awful parts. BUT, we also know the strengths, gifts, talents and special parts. We just tend to forget those!

"How are you today?"

A simple question probably asked to you several times each day. What is your reply?

"Good, thanks. How are you?"

Good? Fine? Okay?

Let's get real? Do people really want to know the days that you are full of self-doubt or self-destructive thoughts? Certainly we should try to be authentic about our feelings, but some days it's hard to describe how we are feeling. And some days, we don't know how are really feeling or why we are feeling one way or another.

My day can go from down-right awful to top-of-the-world fantastic depending on MY thoughts, attitude and perspective. It's up to ME to make my day great. It's up to ME to love me for who I am.

There will always be things we are 'working' on . . . weight, reactions, emotion-management, organization, time-management, health, relationships . . . the list could go on and on.

We need to take that 'work' in stride. We can not and should not be perfect. We must love our imperfect selves just the way we are. Self-loathing will get us no where but down and make it harder for us to get up and try again.

I realized tonight that my kindergartner did not know how to tie her shoes- AT ALL. She got new shoes this weekend and it came out that several of her 'shoe-tying expert friends' had to help her all day long. I'm sure the teacher was more than impressed with my mothering!

We spent about 20 minutes working on her shoes. I loved her tenacity. She didn't cry. She didn't whine. She didn't give up. And, in the end, she was so PROUD of her hard work. She even said, "I can do it because I kept trying and didn't give up."

Giving up is taking the easy way out. Cut yourself a little slack. Tackle imperfections little by little and with an 'I think I can' attitude. Know you are only as good as your thoughts, attitude and perspective.

Good luck this Tuesday loving you. This is not an easy task. When you look in the mirror today, give yourself five compliments. Take time to notice beautiful things about yourself (instead of all the flaws)! Loving yourself will allow you be more authentic in your conversations and more compassionate to the needs of others.

Did you love yourself today?

Or did you focus on your flaws? #letgoofperfection

Look in the mirror & #findloveinwhatyousee #focusonstrengths

#marriagemonday: Day In and Day Out!

Wow ... it feels like it's been forever since I've blogged! It's great to be back. Let's just say that due to technical difficulties, I missed out on blogging last week. Did you miss me? I didn't realize how much reflecting for my blogs helps me ... my own personal therapy!

So, #marriagemonday is upon us yet again. Today I'm challenging you to ask what's going on in your marriage.

Minutes ... hours ... days ... weeks ... months ... years ... decades! How long has it been since you've evaluated where you are at with your spouse. Life passes us by so quickly, it's important to occasionally just STOP!

It sometimes feels like I just met my better half. I wonder how we went from that awkward first date to four kids. Our relationship has become a given; it's there now and for always.

BUT, even though we've made it this far and both still love one another, we can't become complacent in the fact that marriage is hard work. It's easy to get caught up in completing daily life tasks. It's normal for weeks to fly by without realizing they are gone. We have to make moments special.

The other night my hubby came home after being out with friends. This is a rare occurrence for him and I was truly happy that he got to go. He came home at a moment when my frustration with the kids not being asleep got the better of me.

I hadn't seen him since he left early that morning to hit the gym before work. He greeted me with a smile and leaned in for a kiss. I annoyingly gave a half-hearted peck before I gently pushed past him to head into another child's bedroom. I took for granted an opportunity to show love and care. I let the monotony of completing a day get in the way of appreciating the strong marriage we have created.

It wasn't until later that I was able to apologize and recognize the HUGE error in my ways. I made him feel like his rare night out was a mistake. I left guilt and anger, where I should have offered support and care.

Little actions create big differences. Small problems that aren't fixed can turn into damaged hearts. Take time this week for your better half. Participate in the tiny, yet meaningful, acts that strengthen your love and your marriage.

If you tend to forget to appreciate (like me!), don't be afraid to apologize! Recognizing your limitations is the first step in trying to improve them. It's okay :)

Don't let years pass you by w/out recognizing the amazing person standing by you #marriagemonday #taketimeforlovingacts #togetherdayafterday