I was reading an article posted by The Huffington Post and it took me directly to a Saturday morning mishap.
The article, The Questions That Will Save Your Relationships, addresses how a simple question like, "How was your day?" can wreak havoc in your marriage, parenting or day to day relationships.
Questions are funny because when they are too broad, they leave you overwhelmed; trying to put all your emotions into a simple sentence. Yet, when they are too direct, they can leave you feeling inadequate and unprepared. There is an art, like most things in life, to asking the proper questions.
Saturday morning I was working out in the front room. It's difficult to squeeze in a workout when the Saturday morning chaos is alive and well. But, I was making it happen. Nineteen minutes into my 30-minute video is when one question destroyed my mood.
"Honey, do you have a list started for the store yet?"
He asked the question so kindly and without judgment. Yet, my emotions went straight to assuming inadequacy. It was Saturday morning. Our weekend was full of events ... wrestling practice, two basketball games, a wrestling tournament and a date night. All great stuff. But, life needed to happen too- cleaning, laundry, store, homework, etc. I SHOULD have had a list started.
I rolled my eyes (in disgust with myself) and said in a frustrated tone, "No, I haven't started a list yet."
He took it personally and in turn, lashed out with disappointment in the way I was treating him. In his defense, whenever he asks me to get something at the store, I remind him to put it on the list because there is no way it will stick in my brain with the million other things I am trying to keep track of.
I tossed the workout weights down, grabbed the remote and clicked the TV off (slamming it down for effect as well) and stopped the DVD player quite abruptly.
It was a simple question. What the hell was my problem?
Instead of saying calmly to my hubby that I hadn't gotten a chance to make a list yet or think about what was needed at the store, I started beating myself up for not being better prepared (and made him feel like crap in the meantime).
We must weigh our questions heavily before asking and we must take a breath before answering negatively.
There was nothing wrong with his question. However, there was something wrong with the way I answered and the flood of emotions that went with his simple question.
The article I referred to earlier did such a phenomenal job of addressing the emotions that fill our hearts and minds when trying to answer simple questions. What if we were more thoughtful in our questions and more honest in our answers?
This #marriagemonday, concentrate on your questioning. Allow your spouse a chance to answer a question that won't leave him/her feeling overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on a whole day, find out about specific moments. Instead of only allowing a sentence or two for an answer, give time for elaboration. Place less judgment on each other, but also on yourself.
What's something that happened this weekend that made you feel loved by your spouse? Take time to tell him or her.
When was a moment this past weekend that you felt lonely? Share why in the midst of a relationship, you can still feel all alone.
What about your family has made you feel proud recently? Allow that moment to settle in your heart and mind and make sure to share that with the people who made it happen.
My husband I recovered from our morning mishap shortly after it happened ... though it's critical to realize the mishap could have been avoided completely. Asking thoughtful questions is just part of the equation; sharing honestly will give you the complete and correct answer.
I'll leave you with a difficult question to answer (see photo below)! Know there is no judgment in what fills your snapshot and remember my #fridayfolly ... our life is like a canvas. You're encouraged to throw as much color (and emotions into it as you can)! Have an awesome week. Take time to really LOVE those special people in your life- they are too precious to waste a single moment not appreciating the treasures they are!
Thoughtful questions & honest answers lead to successful relationships.
Enjoy the journey you have been blessed with, love the people in your life, smile :) and remember, 'It's Okay'.
Visit www.itsokaybooks.com to learn more!
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