Now, as I prepare to hit the full-time road again, it's time to reflect on what I've learned from being a part-time working mom, a full-time working mom and a stay-at-home mom.
One things for sure ...I was NOT the PERFECT mom in any of these situations! Matter of fact, it turns out it's not about how much someone works or doesn't work- it's about appreciating the blessings in your life no matter the situation you are in (this is much easier said than done for we always assume the grass is greener on the other side).
When I was working, I assumed that if I stayed at home ...
life would be easier.
I would get more done.
I would cook every night.
I would enjoy my children more.
I would feel more connected to my kids' school.
I would be more organized.
I would work out more.
I would have more time to clip coupons.
I wouldn't feel guilty all the time.
I wouldn't get as frustrated with my kids.
Okay, you stay-at-home moms- go ahead and laugh.
The truth of the matter is, if you truly embrace the idea of being home with your children, you have to let go of the 'get-er-done' attitude. You have to slow down. You have to sit down. You have to relax enough to see the joy that can come from just being with your children (even though they will drive you insane some days).
When I stayed at home I realized that other things fill your time besides working. These 'things' add up to just as much as a full-time job. From volunteering to helping out other moms to getting involved in community events. Even without those 'things', being with your kids full-time takes your full attention and leaves you with no lunch break to escape. It's certainly not easier than working, it's just working in a different way.
As a stay-at-home mom, I realized ...
changing from pajama pants into yoga pants IS getting dressed.
getting ready gets in the way of getting down on the floor and playing.
dishes will get done- even if they sit for a day.
schedules can't run your life- your life has to run the schedule.
a clean house doesn't mean you had a productive day.
you don't have to leave the house to have an adventure.
even though they don't know how to say it, kids do appreciate you being home with them!
My year at home and my half year of working two days a week went by in a blink of an eye. As I look back, I remember some days being overwhelmingly long. Yet, the year was so short.
I know that I had more good times than bad with my kiddos when I was home. It wasn't perfect; it had it's moments. But, overall, I'm left with joy when I look back. I have no regrets. I learned so much about myself and about my kids.
All that being said, it's important for me to admit that I missed my job when I wasn't working. I'm good at my job. I like my job. It's okay if I want to work. It's okay that our lifestyle requires two incomes.
While working, though, the things I will miss most are ...
walking my kids to school on beautiful mornings.
seeing my kids walk out of the school door and searching for me in my regular spot.
morning and after-nap cuddles.
adventures to the park, forest, zoo and friends houses.
afternoon snack with the kids.
staying up late.
letting my kids sleep in a little.
wearing my black yoga pants!
spending alone time with my #4 (boy am I going to miss her ... I tear up every time I think about it).
I know I can do it. I'm capable of balancing work and raising children. I will suck it up and get things done even when I wish I could leave it for tomorrow.
If money weren't an issue, I sometimes wonder- what would I choose? I get great purpose from my job. I know I am a community helper; I make a difference in many families lives. I help make people better. I am a fulfilled person while I am at work.
Why, then, do I still feel so guilty?
Before I stayed home, I told my husband how excited I was to do things like clean the blinds, organize the closets, get caught up on all my scrapbooks, etc. About a month into my 'home' adventure, I was in tears. These things were NOT getting done. My husband very sincerely stated, "We didn't have you stay at home so the house could be clean! Spending time with the kids is what you are supposed to be doing."
The funny thing is that we have spent the last two weeks over the holiday painting, cleaning and organizing our house. Everything I strove to get done, is now done. The blinds actually got cleaned. Funny, it feels good, but I'm damn glad I didn't waste time during my year and a half off.
I fully embraced the idea of being home. I did the best darn job I could. My kids still watched too much TV. I only did one real craft with them the whole year. I didn't read to them any more than when I was working. I still got frustrated and lost my temper. I still had guilt and wanted more out of my situation. But, man, I really did my very best.
There is no perfect way to raise your children. Staying at home, working part-time, working full-time ... you have to do what works for you and your family. There are amazing woman doing all three of these things. There are wonderful children being raised by all those amazing woman.
Wherever you are at in your 'mom' journey- I wish you all the best. I hope you are more at peace knowing that there is no right way to do it. You get as much out of the situation you are in as you put into it. Keep plugging away. Keep your head up. Keep believing that 'it's okay' to just do the best darn job you can (whatever that job may be!).
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