Now, on to my wisdom. Actually, this is another one of those do as I say and NOT as I do! I hope your New Year is off to a fantastic start as you are reading this!
I may have ruined my two-year-old or at least confused the living daylights out of her!
A few weeks ago my in-laws had to put their dog of ten years down. It was extremely sad for them and for the whole family. My kiddos have grown up with their dog, Bill. Truly, their house isn't the same without him.
The older kids knew what had happened and understood when we said, "had to put him down." A year and a half ago we said goodbye to our dog after an intense battle with cancer. We were very open with the kids about what happened and different words that are used for 'death' when talking about animals.
The two-year-old, however, got left in the dust. The first time we went over to my in-laws house after their dog had died, she quickly asked, "Where's Bill?" It dawned on me then that we never really talked to her about the whole death situation.
So ... after a long explanation about heaven and Jesus and better places, she seemed confused enough to just stop (I tend to beat a dead horse!).
Christmas Eve mass was a short time later. As soon as we settled down and my littlest recognized Jesus on the wall, she looked and looked all around. "Mommy, where's Bill?"
Oh wow. More explaining, more confusion ... "heaven isn't on earth and that statue of Jesus on the wall is just a reminder of him. We can't really see him, just like we can't ever see Bill again."
She seemed appeased enough. The same day as church was the day that two of the four Beta fish we bought just a week earlier had died. One of them happened to belong to the youngest. All through the Christmas Eve festivities at our house, two lone (and very dead) fish sat in baggies in our fridge. Surely, we couldn't let the 14-day life guarantee policy go to waste!
We went to the store and got two new fish. My daughter was even more confused about where her little 'Dinosaur' had gone. Her new fish was a girl, not a boy and 'Dinosaur' lived again (only looking completely different). She was so confused.
Just this last Sunday night, we lost my oldest daughter's Beta fish. Her 14-day life policy had run out so I decided to just flush the fish. We all went into the bathroom, said our goodbyes, offered up a little prayer and went on with our business.
The two-year-old started sobbing ... huge, hot, REAL tears of sadness for more than 30 minutes. She was inconsolable. She said things like, "I didn't get to say good-bye to my fish." And, "I don't want my fish to go to heaven with Bill." She was so sincere when she said, "I don't want Bill to be in heaven any more."
There you have it. Pure and honest grief. It was quite possibly the saddest thing I had ever seen.
The kids tried to help, telling her to remember the good times with Dinosaur. They encouraged her to remember how playful Bill was. They brought up our old dog, Berkley (which only made her sob even harder) and talked about how he was in a better place playing with our deceased grandmas.
Dinner was not fun (and a little depressing) at our house Sunday night! But, it was a good reminder of how life events affect each of us differently. Life events are just too much and occasionally a it all comes to a head when we least expect it.
Whatever life events you are dealing with right now, I hope that you have love and support all around you to help you get through. As we begin 2014, let's remember that it's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to want different things for your life. It's okay if 2013 wasn't a year to write home about.
Make today the best you can and forget all the rest. Take a moment to cry and then let it go. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and remind you how damn special you are!
Have an amazing day.
2013 has come & gone.
The good, bad & ugly are just memories
now!
Can't change yesterday, but today is bright w/ possibilities for
tomorrow!
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